Memorable Quotes from Mark Williams
9 quotesCruella's Frustration with Incompetence
Cruella
Congratulations. You've just won gold, silver, and bronze in the Morons Olympics.
[sarcastically]
Horace
Who won the gold?
[last words]
Cruella
SHUT UP! My business, my reputation, my life... has been ruined, because you three incompetent twits... let yourselves be outsmarted by a bunch of dumb animals! And you call yourselves men. HA! I've seen more intelligent pieces of carpet!
[last words]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Instructions on Avoiding Unwanted Conversations
Jasper
Now there are two things you must not do to the skinner. One: do not look at the horrendous scar on this neck. Two: don't talk to him, understand? Not a word.
Horace
Right. OH! Look at the size of that scar! No bloody wonder you can't talk, mate!
[Skinner answers the door; surprised; Jasper rolls his eyes in annoyance]
Jasper
Excuse me just a minute, would you?
[closes the door and angrily punches Horace]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Creative Problem-Solving in Unusual Circumstances
Jasper
Stupidly, you see? That's your problem, That's what's been holding you back, if it was to you, you'd have taken hold of that wire set fire to your undershorts cooked your tongue before even thinking it was electrified
Horace
Point taken, But what are the logs for
Jasper
We stand upon the logs and hop over thereby avoiding painful electirc-shock
Horace
Brilliant,
[seeing Jasper had a plan to jump]
Jasper
Right. Mount the log. Extend Leg, All right, Now, when I count to three, we jump, Ready.
[as they climb on pile of logs; their legs go over the wires of the electric fence]
Horace
Yes,
Jasper
One,
[Logs gives way sending Jasper and Horace fell on the wires of electric fence causing them to zap with screams in pain and fell onto the ground and stands up as walks off]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Arthur Weasley's Curiosity About Muggles
Arthur Weasley
Now, Harry, you must know all about Muggles. Tell me. What exactly is the function of a rubber duck?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Encounters with Authority Figures
Inspector Crescent
Do you know who I am?
Cody Banks
No.
Inspector Crescent
I'm your worst nightmare. A limey, with a badge.
Cody Banks
A what with a badge?
Inspector Crescent
Who are you, Question Boy?
Cody Banks
Who's Question Boy?
Inspector Crescent
Answer the question, Question Boy. Question one- where did you get this stolen credit card?
Cody Banks
That's my Dad's! He gave it to me in case of emergencies.
Inspector Crescent
A likely story. Your dad'. What's that code for, then?
Cody Banks
My father?
Inspector Crescent
Listen, this can go one of two ways, you little wolly-
Cody Banks
Look, any second now that phone's gonna ring-
Inspector Crescent
Oh! Right! You're psychic now, are you?
Cody Banks
Yeah, that's it. I'm psychic. Any second now that phone's gonna ring, you're gonna pick it up, someone's gonna yell at you, you're gonna apologize and let me go.
Inspector Crescent
Right. Well, I'm feeling a little bit psychic today! And I say that that phone's not gonna ring. And I say you-
Cody Banks
I think that's for you.
Inspector Crescent
Crescent, yes. I'm interrogating him now. It's going very well. He's about to crack! I can tell! Right away, of course. How did you do that? I... apologize.
[Picks up the phone; someone starts yelling at him; Hangs up, then looks at Cody; Puts his hat back on]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confrontation Between Harry Potter and the Malfoys
Malfoy
Bet you loved that, didn't you, Potter? Famous Harry Potter! Can't even go into a bookshop without making the front page!
Ginny
Leave him alone.
[firmly]
Malfoy
Oh, look, Potter. You've got yourself a girlfriend!
[Smirking]
Lucius Malfoy
Now, now, Draco. Play nicely. Mr. Potter. Lucius Malfoy. We meet at last. Forgive me. Your scar is legend. As, of course, is the wizard who gave it to you.
[Places the hard, silver steel snake end of his walking stick on Draco's shoulder; To Harry; Pulls Harry closer; Uses the silver snake to pull back Harry's bangs; sees his scar]
Harry
Voldemort killed my parents. He was nothing more than a murderer.
[firmly]
Lucius Malfoy
Hmm. You must be very brave to mention his name. Or very foolish.
Hermione
Fear of a name only increases fear of the thing itself.
[Indirectly quoting Dumbledore]
Lucius Malfoy
And you must be Miss Granger. Yes, Draco's told me all about you... and your parents. Muggles, aren't they? Let me see. Red hair, vacant expressions... Tatty, secondhand book. You must be the Weasleys.
[Glances at the Grangers, who are speaking with Arthur; Looks at Ron; Takes a book out of Ginny's cauldron; Smiles coldly]
Arthur Weasley
Children, it's mad in here. Let's go outside.
[Arriving and attempting to ignore Lucius]
Lucius Malfoy
Well, well, well. Weasley Senior.
Arthur Weasley
Lucius.
Lucius Malfoy
Busy time at the Ministry, Arthur? All those extra raids; I do hope they're paying you overtime. Though judging by the state of this, I'd say not. What's the use of being a disgrace to the name of wizard... if they don't even pay you well for it?
[Picks up one of Ginny's books; Places the book back in Ginny's cauldron; another book has been slipped in with it, though only Harry notices]
Arthur Weasley
We have a very different idea about what disgraces the name of wizard, Malfoy.
Lucius Malfoy
Clearly. Associating with Muggles... And I thought your family could sink no lower. I'll see you at work.
[Arthur glares at him as if ready to hit him]
Malfoy
See you at school.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Character Reflections in Dark Times
Professor McGonagall
Potter, take Weasley with you. He looks far too happy over there.
Arthur Weasley
Times like these, dark times, they do funny things to people. They can tear them apart.
Luna Lovegood
I've never been to this part of the castle. Well, not when I'm awake. I sleep-walk, you see. That's why I wear shoes to bed.
Katie Bell
I know you're going to ask Harry, but I don't know who cursed me. I’ve been trying to remember, honestly. But I just can’t.
Severus Snape
You dare use my own spells against me, Potter? Yes. I'm the Half-Blood Prince.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Debate Over Heating in Cold Weather
Horace
Turn the heater on will you!
[still cold after falling through the frozen pond]
Jasper
No. Not with this thing acting the way she is. I don't want to risk losing power.
Horace
I can't stand the cold no more! I want heat! Fire. TOO HOT! TOO HOT!
[turns the heat on himself, but the system shorts and a bolt of lightning strikes the heater and sets the truck on fire]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Moment of Gratitude in Crisis
Jasper
Thank the Lord.
Horace
We're saved.
Cop 1
Here you go
[placing Jasper and Horace in the police van]
Jasper
Much obliged,Thanks
Cop 3
Watch your heads,Very kind
Horace
Thank you.
Cop 4
Nice and quiet.
[closing the door a sign says NO STANDING as Jasper and Horace sits down in the van]
Horace
This is Lovely
Jasper
Isn't it, nice and warm,
[Last Words]
Horace
No animals neither,
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.