Marty FeldmanQuotes

Gilbert: Where did you hide the treasure, exactly?

Yellowbeard: You won't catch me with those trick questions.

Dr. Frankenstein: Love is the only thing that can save this poor creature, and I am going to convince him that he is loved even at the cost of my own life. No matter what you hear in there, no matter how cruelly I beg you, no matter how terribly I may scream, do not open this door or you will undo everything I have worked for. Do you understand? Do not open this door!

Inga: Yes, Doctor.

Igor: [sarcastically] Nice workin with ya.

Dr. Frankenstein: [panicking, turns back to the door; turns to the Monster, then back to the door; sarcastically; begins pounding on the door; outside, Frau Blūcher stops Inga and Igor from trying to open the cell] Let me out. Let me out of here. Get me the hell out of here. What's the matter with you people? I WAS JOKING! Don't you know a joke when you hear one? HA HA HA! Jesus Christ, let me out of here! Open this goddamn door or I'll kick your rotten heads in! MOMMY!!!

Frau Blucher: [blocking the door as Inga and Igor again try to open the cell] Nein!

Dr. Frankenstein: [turns back to the Monster, deciding a different approach...; the Monster looks momentarily wrong-footed; the Monster starts to cry; he hugs him] Hello, handsome! You're a good looking fellow, do you know that? People laugh at you, people hate you, but why do they hate you? Because...they are JEALOUS! Look at that boyish face. Look at that sweet smile. Do you wanna talk about physical strength? Do you want to talk about sheer muscle? Do you want to talk about the Olympian ideal? You are a GOD! And listen to me, you are not evil. You...are...GOOD! This is a nice boy. This is a good boy. This is a mother's angel. And I want the world to know once and for all, and without any shame, that we love him! I'm going to teach you. I'm going to show you how to walk, how to speak, how to move, how to think. Together, you and I are going to make the greatest single contribution to science since the creation of fire!

Inga: [from outside] Dr. Fronkensteen! Are you all right?!

Dr. Frankenstein: MY NAME IS FRANKENSTEIN!!!

Dr. Frankenstein: Igor, may I speak to you for a moment?

Igor: Of course.

Dr. Frankenstein: Sit down, won't you?

Igor: [sits on the floor] Thank you.

Dr. Frankenstein: No no, up here.

Igor: [sits on a chair] Thank you.

Dr. Frankenstein: [[brain] Now...that ] that you gave me...was it Hans Delbruck's?

Igor: [crosses arms] No.

Dr. Frankenstein: [holds up hand] Ah. Good. Uh...would you mind telling me...whose brain...I did put in?

Igor: And you won't be angry?

Dr. Frankenstein: I will not be angry.

Igor: [shrugs] Abby...someone.

Dr. Frankenstein: Abby someone? Abby who?

Igor: Abby Normal.

Dr. Frankenstein: [sotto] Abby Normal?

Igor: [he and Dr. Frankenstein laugh] I'm almost sure that was the name.

Dr. Frankenstein: [slowly; stands; puts hand on Igor's hump; increasingly angry; grabs Igor by throat; [Gorilla|GORILLA; strangling Igor; [Stupidity|IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE TELLING ME] Are you saying... that I put an abnormal brain... into a 7 and a half foot long...54- inch wide... ]?!?!?! ]?!?!

Igor: You know, I'll never forget my old dad. When these things would happen to him. The things he'd say to me.

Dr. Frankenstein: What did he say?

Igor: What the hell are you doing in the bathroom day and night? Why don't you get out of there and give someone else a chance?

Dr. Frankenstein: [after failing to bring the creature to life] Nothing.

Inga: Oh, Doctor, I'm sorry.

Dr. Frankenstein: [begins walking away but then runs back and starts beating up the creature; furious] No. No. Be of good cheer. If science teaches us anything, it teaches us to accept our failures, as well as our successes, with quiet dignity and grace. SON OF A BITCH! BASTARD! I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS! WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME?! WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME?!

Inga: Stop it! Stop that! Stop it! You'll kill him!

Dr. Frankenstein: [pounds on the creatures chest in rage before being restrained; whimpers] I DON'T WANT TO LIVE! I DO NOT WANT TO LIVE!

Igor: [to the audience; [Hypocrisy|Quiet dignity and grace; rolls eyes] ].

Dr. Frankenstein: Oh...mama...

Dr. Frankenstein: What a filthy job!

Igor: Could be worse.

Dr. Frankenstein: How?

Igor: Could be raining.

Dr. Frankenstein: [reading his grandfather's work] The minuteness of the parts formed a great hindrance to my speed. I resolved therefore to make the Creature of gigantic stature." Of course, that would simplify everything.

Inga: In other words...his veins, his feet, his hands, his organs vould all have to be increased in size.

Dr. Frankenstein: Precisely.

Inga: [her eyes get wide] He vould have an enormous schwanzschtücker.

Dr. Frankenstein: [ponders this a moment] That goes without saying.

Inga: Woof.

Igor: [to the audience] He's going to be very popular.

Igor: [singing; scatting] I! I ain't got nobody, and nobody cares for me.

Dr. Frankenstein: Igor!

Igor: Froadrick!

Dr. Frankenstein: How did you get here?

Igor: [does a rimshot] Through the dumbwaiter. I heard the strangest music from the upstairs kitchen and I just...followed it down. Call it...a hunch. Ba-dum SHI!

Inga: Werewolf!

Dr. Frankenstein: Werewolf?

Igor: There.

Dr. Frankenstein: What?

Igor: There, wolf. There, castle.

Dr. Frankenstein: Why are you talking that way?

Igor: I thought you wanted to.

Dr. Frankenstein: No, I don't want to.

Igor: [shrugs] Suit yourself. I'm easy.

Dr. Frankenstein: You know, I don't mean to embarrass you, but I'm a rather brilliant surgeon. Perhaps I can help you with that hump.

Igor: [[Ignorance|What hump] ]?

Igor: Dr. Frankenstein?

Dr. Frankenstein: Fronkensteen.

Igor: You're putting me on.

Dr. Frankenstein: No, it's pronounced "Fronkensteen.

Igor: Do you also say "Froaderick"?

Dr. Frankenstein: No..."Frederick.

Igor: Well, why isn't it "Froaderick Fronkensteen"?

Dr. Frankenstein: It isn't; it's "Frederick Fronkensteen.

Igor: I see.

Dr. Frankenstein: You must be Igor.

Igor: No, it's pronounced "eye-gor.

Dr. Frankenstein: But they told me it was "ee-gor.

Igor: Well, they were wrong then, weren't they?