Maude Eburne Quotes

Amelia Jones Everybody in this town knows you made your fortune on snake oil hair restorer.

Dr. Lorenz Well, what's wrong with that? Where's the hair follicle that can resist 2000 international units of Vitamin A? Where is it?

Prof. Nathaniel Billings Right here.

Dr. Lorenz Hmmm! Oh, hardening of the skull!

Cornelia van Gorder Who did that?

The Caretaker I don't know... this house gets on my nerves, they won't let me sleep.

Lizzie Allen Don't trust him, caretaker means servant... Bat!

Cornelia van Gorder Who won't let you sleep?

The Caretaker The ghosts... he slams doors, and there's no one there to slam them... he opens windows, and I can't see nothing... he rolls things down the stairs, and there's no one there to make them roll... that ain't all, he whispers to me, from behind the wall. Listen, he's here again... stay here long enough, you'll see.

Lizzie Allen Let's go back to the city.

Cornelia van Gorder Get the Ouija board.

Lizzie Allen It's got the Bible on top of it, keeping it quiet.

Winnie Slade Isn't he a dear?

Amelia Jones Even when he was a baby, he never cried - not even when we dropped him.

Cornelia van Gorder Now what on Earth are you doing?

Lizzie Allen I'm setting a bear trap for the Bat, in case he decides to come flying around here. And I've got the other end fastened to the bed.

Anna What a husband doesn't know won't hurt his wife.

Lizzie Allen That new gardener, I don't like his looks, suppose'n he's the Bat?

Cornelia van Gorder I know he's not a gardener, because uticaria is hives, rubeola is measles, and alopecia is baldness.

Lizzie Allen And knowing all this, you're going to let him stay here?

Cornelia van Gorder I will, until I find out why my niece brought him here.

Mrs. Pickens I had one of them Frenchmen living here last year. Honest to goodness every time you'd turn round, that Frenchman was grabbin your hand and kissing until he'd like to pull the skin off.