Michael ChinyamurindiQuotes

Narrator: Meanwhile, Kwame and his men faced the next-to-impossible task of picking out George's assailant from a line-up of the usual suspects.

N'Dugo: [sees Lyle but doesn't recognize him at first] No. No. Too short. Too sweaty. Wait a second. That's the guy. That's the guy who shot him. I never forget a face.

Lyle: Me?

N'Dugo: Yes, that's him! That's our baboon!

Narrator: [Lyle gets hit by tree branches; wryly] The very next morning, Kwame and his men were drawing dangerously close. That is, dangerously close to shoving a coconut up Lyle's... sleeping bag.

Lyle: [suddenly trips and falls face first into elephant feces and everyone groans in disgust] That's it! I've had it! I am the richest, smartest, handsomest guy here, so I get to go first! There's an elephant around here.

Guides: [they all throw their heads back and guffaw at Lyle; a monkey, watching nearby, laughs with them; Lyle gets up, spitting out the feces] Ready!

Lyle: [Max and Thor laugh along with the porters] Those were nowhere near properly digested! In case anybody's wondering, I'm okay. Have you cleaned my lighter yet?

N'Dugo: [in Swahili] One moment. You blonde-haired baboon.

Lyle: Ursula! Gosh, this trail's really rough.

N'Dugo: [Swahili; mocking Lyle; Swahili; he and his men start going in another direction] Drop him! You're not his donkey. "Ursula! Ursula!" Next cliff we pass, he's history.

Lyle: Hey, come back here.

Max: They're not abandoning us, are they?

Kwame: They are threatening.

Lyle: If you don't mind, Kwame, I have a knack for getting the most out of my employees. Do you mind if I address the porters?

Kwame: They only speak Swahili.

Lyle: Well, I just happen to have a Swahili phrase book.

Kwame: Be my guest.

Lyle: [Swahili; The porters laugh. Lyle speaks English] Pardon me, girls. I know you're feeling pretty hey sailor up here about now. But, if you would just let me order a bowl of fried clams, we can all have smallpox tomorrow morning. I think our troubles are over.

Max: Tell them I'll pay 50 zamoles a man if they'll help me capture the White Ape and bring him back alive.

Lyle: Alive? After he...uh...well, he pulled Ursula's scrunchy off. We know that much.

Max: 50 zamoles a man. What do you say?

Kwame: They only speak Swahili.

N'Dugo: [in English] 100 zamoles a man and you got a deal.

Lyle: [shocked] Hey, wait a second.

Max: [acceptingly] Done.

N'Dugo: [Mocking Lyle in Swahili; [w:Maui|Maui; grunts] I was on a bridge like this in ], and it was steady as a rock".

Lyle: [[evil] They probably think I'm the biggest jerk they've ever seen in their lives. I'll bet they're thinking of something ] to do to me.

Porter 1: [in Swahili] That guy's the biggest jerk I've ever seen in my life.

Porter 2: [in Swahili; N'Dugo grunts] Let's think of something evil to do to him.

Lyle: Hey! The important thing, Kwame, is that I was outnumbered.

N'Dugo: [in Swahili; [zero] It's easy to be outnumbered when you're a ].