Michael DouglasQuotes

Ed Leland: [she lights a cigarette] When did you start smoking?

Linda Voss: I don't know.

Ed Leland: That was a silly thing to do, don't you think?

Linda Voss: I'm a silly girl, Ed. I think you're living proof of that.

Linda Voss: If you don't let me go, I'll quit!

Ed Leland: I'll miss you.

Ed Leland: [seeing Linda for the first time in six months after their passionate affair, and he has come strolling in with a stunning burnette] You can come to work for me while I'm here, I can always use a good secretary.

Linda Voss: This is all so civilized, Edward. That's what you like isn't, it? Civilized people, polite ladies with pedigrees who look good at the opera, and never make you laugh too hard, and never make you feel too much. I've had a lot of time to think about this and don't tell me it's the war, when I've been waiting for six months to hear whether you're dead or alive and you waltz into a nightclub.

Ed Leland: Linda, I came in last night and I was going to call you.

Linda Voss: Oh, go to hell.

Linda Voss: Careful, Ed. You might have to admit you know me.

Ed Leland: Linda, it is the war.

Linda Voss: You're so noble, Ed.

Ed Leland: Did I promise you something? If I did, I'd like to know.

Army SSG in Canteen: Excuse me, sir. I thought the young lady might like to dance.

Ed Leland: The lady is busy.

Linda Voss: I'd love to dance.

Ed Leland: I'm cutting in.

Linda Voss: Don't let him.

Army SSG in Canteen: Excuse me, sir. But I don't think the young lady wants to dance with you.

Ed Leland: Don't try it, or I'll leave here with your Adam's Apple in my pocket.

Linda Voss: What do you want from me?

Ed Leland: I want you to stop feeling sorry for yourself.

Linda Voss: No, you want me to stop feeling, like you... You didn't love me, didn't you? I could have been wrong.

Ed Leland: You weren't.

Linda Voss: Well then. How do you stop, or want to?

Ed Leland: What I was going to ask you to do is stand up, turn around, and close your eyes and tell me everything you see in the room. It's an observation test. Do you really have a problem with that?

Linda Voss: Pictures of sailboats and polo ponies; fancy books and diplomas; stuffed fish on the wall; calendar set to the wrong date; bookcases that need dusting; carpets that need cleaning; and a couple of guys from Harvard who are surprised that a girl who needs a job won't be treated like a slave.

Liberace: Now, Jack. I want to talk to you about doing some surgery on Scott here.

Scott: What?

Dr. Jack Startz: Fine. What would you like me to do as Scott?

Liberace: [holds up a portrait of himself] I want you to make Scott look like this. Can you do that?

Dr. Jack Startz: Oh, I see. Oh, yes. I think I can do what you want. He's gonna need a nose job and I'm going to have to restructure his cheek bones and his chin with silicone implants, but its not impossible. But first, we gotta slim him down. I have a terrific diet, the California diet, guaranteed loss fifteen pounds in four weeks.

Liberace: You know what? I have a great idea. Why don't you come work for me?

Scott: As what?

Liberace: Well, you can be my secretary.

Scott: I don't type.

Liberace: Hell, Scott. I can pay people to type. I need a companion, a bodyguard, someone to keep people off my back. Someone I can talk to, the way we talked tonight. You can be my right hand man. You can take care of the animals. Please, say yes, Scott.

Liberace: [Scott imagines seeing Liberace performing one last time. Last lines] To dream the impossible dream. To be better far than you are. To try, when your arms are too weary. To reach the unreachable star. This is my quest to follow that star. No matter how hopeless. No matter how far. Be willing to give and there's no more to give. Be willing to die so that honor and justice may live and I know and I'll only be true to this glorious quest. My heart, shall lie peaceful and calm, when I'm laid to my rest. Thank you. Thank you. You have made me the happiest piano player who has ever lived and no matter what I still believe and always will. Too much of a good thing is wonderful.

Liberace: [to Scott] Well, this must be fate.

Liberace: I really thank you all for joining me in this Boogie Woogie, and I'd like to try a little experiment. I've been playing this Boogie Woogie at eight beats to the bar. I'd like to try playing it now at sixteen beats to the bar.

Liberace: I love it! That was terrific! Ya see, George. I told you, men do come to my concerts. Well, I really appreciate it and I know somebody else out in the audience that appreciates it too. And that's my mom. Mom, I'll tell you what. Let them hear it from you and I'll play it just for you. Okay, mom?

Liberace: [while performing the Boogie Woogie] As the next part of the Boogie Woogie is so strange that it calls for an explanation, is called a Boogie Woogie break. And when I'm playing it and, like, stop at a certain point, you're going to think I forgot the music. But I didn't forget the music; there's just no music written for that part. That's why they call it a break.

Zach: Do you ever think about what you're gonna do if you stop dancing?

Connie: For me?

Zach: Yeah.

Connie: Real life, I guess.

Zach: Well, what? Getting married, having babies?

Connie: Go off my diet.

Greg: Finally I got a girl who was actually willing to do it. So, there I am, making out in the backseat with Sally Ketchum. A little of this, a little of that - very little of that. Well, after about an hour she said, "Don't you want to do anything else?" I suddenly thought to myself, "No, I don't.

Zach: Did this come as a big surprise to you?

Greg: I guess. Yeah. It was the moment I realized I was gay.

Zach: What made you start dancing?

Mike Cass: Because of my sister. She was a girl. So, my Mom decided she's the one to get all the dancing lessons. So, very Saturday my mother would take her. Once in a while she'd take me along.

Zach: How old were you?

Mike Cass: [singing] Four. Five. I'd sit there all eager and... I'm watchin sis, go pitter-pat, Said, "I can do that", "I can do that"...

Connie: Connie Wong. Always Wong, never Wight.

Connie: Bad joke. I was born in Chinatown, lower east side.

Zach: How old are you?

Connie: I was born December 5th, four thousand six hundred and forty two, the Year of the Chicken.

Sheila: My mother was kind of middle-aged and frumpy.

Diana: Whose isn't?

Sheila: At fourteen she was middle-aged and frumpy.

Zach: Is that the kind of woman your father liked?

Sheila: No. My father liked them very young, tall,and filled out in all the right places.

Zach: Is there anything you want to tell me?

Sheila: What do I want to be when I grow up?

Zach: Okay.

Sheila: Young. That light - don't you have anything softer?

Zach: Come closer.

Sheila: Can I sit on your lap?

Zach: Do you always come on like this?

Sheila: No. Sometimes I'm aggressive.

Sheila: You were a rotten dancer.

Zach: Why do you think I became your choreographer?

Zach: Tell me about the Bronx.

Diana: What's to tell about the Bronx? It's uptown and to the right.

Zach: What made you start dancing?

Diana: Who knows? I'm Puerto Rican. We jump around a lot.

Zach: Dammit, now can't ANYBODY up there hear me! Just let your hair down! Can't you talk? All of you, just talk, to me, to each other!... Jeez!

Zach: I'm going to ask you some questions. What I want to know is details about yourself. Things you're proud of, things you're ashamed of. So if anybody can't handle it and wants to leave, right now is the time to make up your mind.

Zach: Let me explain what I'm doing. This is not gonna be like other auditions. I'm looking for a strong chorus... people who can work together as a group - but I'm going to try to shake you up, see who you really are. We've got some small but important parts to be played by people in the chorus. Since I need great dancers, I can't expect you all to be great actors. So I don't want anybody to try to act. You understand? Just to be exactly who you are, which is just as important to me as how well you dance.

Terry Crabtree: It's comforting to know that America's children have you for a teacher.

Grady Tripp: Nobody teaches a writer anything. You tell'em what you know. You tell'em to find their voice and stay with it. You tell the ones that have it to keep at it. You tell the ones that don't have it to keep at it too because that's the only way they're gonna get to where they're going. Of course, it does help if you know where you wanna go. Helping my students figure that out...that and Sara...that's what's made these last years worthwhile.

Vernon Hardapple: Why did you keep writing this book if you didn't even know what it was about?

Grady Tripp: I couldn't stop.

Terry Crabtree: Let me get this straight. Jerry Nathan owes you money, so as collateral he gives you his car.

Grady Tripp: Only I'm beginning to think that the car wasn't exactly Jerry's to give.

Terry Crabtree: Ah, so whose car was it?

Grady Tripp: My guess? Vernon Hardapple.

Terry Crabtree: The hood jumper?

Grady Tripp: He said a few things that lead me to believe that the car was his.

Terry Crabtree: Such as?

Grady Tripp: That's my car, motherfucker.

Hannah Green: I'm not the downy innocent you painted me as.

Grady Tripp: That's a shame, we need all the downy innocents we can get.

Hannah Green: Grady, you know how in class you're always telling us that writers make choices?

Grady Tripp: Yeah.

Hannah Green: And even though your book is really beautiful, I mean, amazingly beautiful, it's... it's at times... it's... very detailed. You know, with the genealogies of everyone's horses, and the dental records, and so on. And... I could be wrong, but it sort of reads in places like you didn't make any choices. At all. And I was just wondering if it might not be different if... if when you wrote you weren't always... under the influence.

Grady Tripp: Well... thank you for the thought, but shocking as it may sound, I am not the first writer to sip a little weed. Furthermore, it might surprise you to know that one book I wrote, as you say, "under the influence," just happened to win a little something called the Pen Award. Which, by the way, I accepted under the influence.

Sara Gaskell: You didn't happen to call our house last night, did you?

Grady Tripp: I think I might have, yes.

Sara Gaskell: What do you think you might have said?

Grady Tripp: [pause] I think I might have said I was in love with you. He told you?

Sara Gaskell: He told me.

Grady Tripp: And what did you say?

Sara Gaskell: I said it didn't sound like you.

James Leer: You're mad at me, aren't you? You're mad because I shot your girlfriend's dog.

Grady Tripp: [looking at James] It wasn't her dog, it was her husband's... Who said anything about a girlfriend?

Grady Tripp: Okay, James, I wish you hadn't shot my girlfriends dog. Even though Poe and I were not exactly what you'd call simpatico, that's no reason he should've taken two in the chest.

Grady Tripp: What do we have here? This looks like... that's our old friend Mr. Codeine. That should take the old pinch out of the ankle. Want one?

James Leer: No, thanks. I'm fine without them.

Grady Tripp: Right. That's why you were standing in the chancellor's backyard spinning that "cap gun" of yours. You're fine. Yeah, you're just as fit as a fuckin fiddle.

Sara Gaskell: Is that Cristalle?

Grady Tripp: Mm.

Sara Gaskell: My God, I wear the same scent as a transvestite.

James Leer: Now, that is a big trunk. It holds a tuba, a suitcase, a dead dog, and a garment bag almost perfectly.

Grady Tripp: That's just what they used to say in the ads.

James Leer: Professor Tripp? Can I ask you a question?

Grady Tripp: Yeah, James.

James Leer: What are we going to do with... it?

Grady Tripp: I don't know. I'm still trying to figure out how to tell the Chancellor I murdered her husband's dog.

James Leer: You?

Grady Tripp: Trust me, James, when the family pet's been assassinated, the owner doesn't want to hear one of her students was the trigger man.

James Leer: Does she want to hear it was one of her professors?

Grady Tripp: ...I've got tenure.

James Leer: It's just... for good luck. Some people carry rabbits feet...

Grady Tripp: ...You carry firearms.

Antonia "Tony" Sloviak: Oh, that's such a beautiful Greenhouse.

Grady Tripp: It's Mrs. Gaskell's, it's her hobby.

Terry Crabtree: I thought you were Mrs. Gaskell's hobby.

Grady Tripp: Piss off, will ya Crabs? I lost a wife today.

Terry Crabtree: You'll find another one, you always do. She'll be younger, prettier; they always are.

Grady Tripp: As for me, I lost everything: my wife, my book, my job, everything that I thought was important. But I finally knew where I wanted to go. And now I have someone to help me get there.

Grady Tripp: I had no business trudging up to James Leer's parents house in the middle of the night. Not when all that really mattered was trying to make things right with Sarah. But we had decided to rescue James Leer. I wasn't quite sure from what because I was pretty much convinced that everything that came out of James mouth was basically horseshit. But maybe that really didn't matter. Sometimes people just need to be rescued.

Grady Tripp: So there it was. Somewhere in the night, a Manhattan book editor was prowling the streets of Pittsburgh; best-selling author at his side, dead dog in his trunk.

Grady Tripp: Whenever I wondered what Sara saw in me, and I wondered more than once, I always came back to the fact that she loved to read. She read everything every spare moment. She was a junkie for the printed word. And lucky for me, I manufactured her drug of choice.

Robert Wakefield: My name is Robert. And my wife, Barbara and I are here to support our daughter Caroline. And we're here to listen.

Robert Wakefield: If there is a war on drugs, then many of our family members are the enemy. And I don't know how you wage war on your own family.

Robert Wakefield: What's Washington like? Well its like Calcutta, surrounded by beggars. The only difference is the beggars in Washington wear 1500 dollar suits and they don't say please or thank you.

Dan Gallagher: Why are you trying to hurt me?

Alex Forrest: I'm not trying to hurt you Dan, I love you!

Dan Gallagher: You what?

Alex Forrest: I love you!

Dan Gallagher: You don't even know me

Alex Forrest: How can you say that?

Dan Gallagher: You're so sad. You know that, Alex? Lonely and very sad.

Alex Forrest: Don't you ever pity me, you smug bastard.

Dan Gallagher: I'll pity you... I'll pity you. I'll pity you because you're sick.

Alex Forrest: Why? Because I won't allow you treat me like some slut you can just bang a couple of times and throw in the garbage?

Doctor: [after Alex's suicide attempt] Whatever resentment she's feeling, she probably got it out of her system.

Dan Gallagher: What if she didn't get it out of her system? What then?

Dan Gallagher: Look, Alex... I like you. And maybe if I wasn't with somebody else, I'd be with you. But I am.

Alex Forrest: Please don't justify yourself, it's pathetic. You'd tell me to fuck off, I'd have more respect for you.

Dan Gallagher: All right, then fuck off.

Alex Forrest: I had a wonderful time last night. I'd like to see you again. Is that so terrible?

Dan Gallagher: No. I just don't think it's possible.

Alex Forrest: You're here with a strange girl being a naughty boy.

Dan Gallagher: I don't think having dinner with anybody's a crime.

Alex Forrest: Not yet.

Alex Forrest: You must have to be discreet.

Dan Gallagher: Oh, god yeah.

Alex Forrest: Are you?

Dan Gallagher: Am I what?

Alex Forrest: Discreet?

Dan Gallagher: Yes, I'm discreet.

Alex Forrest: Me, too.

Dan Gallagher: [to Jimmy] She keeps calling the apartment. Every time Beth answers the phone, she hangs up. I'm scared Jimmy, and I don't want to lose my family.

Gordon Gekko: I tell you, the government's worse than a wife. They got all the power, they got half the money. Now they're working on getting the other half.

Gordon Gekko: Stop telling lies about me and I'll stop telling the truth about you.

Gordon Gekko: Idealism kills every deal.

Gordon Gekko: Payback. Except I'm not in that business anymore - because the one thing I learned in jail is that money is not the prime asset in life. Time is.

Gordon Gekko: It's not about the money - it's about the game.

Gordon Gekko: They took my life - and when I got out - who's waiting for me? Nobody!

Gordon Gekko: Hey, hey, stay positive, pal. Most people, they lose,they whine and quit. But you got to be there for the turns. Everybody's got good luck, everybody's got bad luck. Don't run when you lose. Don't whine when it hurts. It's like the first grade, Jerry. Nobody likes a crybaby.

Gordon Gekko: Bulls make money. Bears make money. Pigs? They get slaughtered.

Gordon Gekko: The mother of all evil is speculation.

Gordon Gekko: Money is a bitch that never sleeps!

Gordon Gekko: Someone reminded me I once said "Greed is good". Now it seems it's legal. Because everyone is drinking the same Kool-Aid.

Nick Conklin: Sugai-san, I am the solution... to your problems.

Nick Conklin: Now, you got a counterfeiting ring going on and you should talk to your partner before you go to the suits. So fuck you very much!

Nick Conklin: One good hand job deserves another.

Nick Conklin: I usually get kissed before I get fucked.

Nick Conklin: If you pull it, you better use it.

Gordon Gekko: Wake up, will ya, pal? If you're not inside, you're outside, okay? And I'm not talking a $400,000 a year working Wall Street stiff flying first class and being comfortable, I'm talking about liquid. Rich enough to have your own jet. Rich enough not to waste time. Fifty, a hundred million dollars, buddy. A player, or nothing. Now, you had what it took to get into my office; the real question is whether you got what it takes to stay.

Gordon Gekko: Ever wonder why fund managers can't beat the S&P 500? Cause they're sheep, and sheep get slaughtered. I been in the business since 69. Most of these Harvard MBA types, they don't add up to dog shit. Gimme guys who are poor, smart and hungry. And no feelings. You win a few, you lose a few, but you keep on fighting . . . and if you need a friend, get a dog.

Gordon Gekko: When I get a hold of the son of a bitch who leaked this, I'm gonna tear his eyeballs out and I'm gonna suck his fucking skull.

Gordon Gekko: [Pointing to a homeless man and a businessman standing on a street corner] You gonna tell me the difference between that guy and this guy is luck?

Gordon Gekko: What's worth doing is worth doing for money.

Gordon Gekko: The public's out there throwing darts at a board, sport. I don't throw darts at a board – I bet on sure things.

Gordon Gekko: The most valuable commodity I know of . . . is information.

Gordon Gekko: Lunch? Aw, you gotta be kidding. Lunch is for wimps.

Nicholas Van Orton: [[w:Captain Kangaroo|Captain Kangaroo] And you really believe that just because you publish children's books, people are going to care about my reputation? You can have pictures of me wearing nipple rings, butt-fucking ]. The only thing they care about is the stock and whether that stock is up or down!

Nicholas Van Orton: I'm being toyed with by a bunch of depraved children.

Susan Hendler: Did you have sex with her?

Tom Sanders: No! No! No!

Susan Hendler: How did her hand get into your pants?

Tom Sanders: I did NOT have sex with her!

Susan Hendler: Oh, then what was it Tom? She was trying to quit smoking?

Meredith Johnson: Put it in.

Tom Sanders: [Looking at a mirror] Oh God, I can't do this.

Meredith Johnson: Come on. I want you inside me.

Tom Sanders: Oh no no no. I can't do this. I'm not gonna do this.

Meredith Johnson: Now, Now!

Tom Sanders: No. No. NO! NO!

Meredith Johnson: You can't stop. You just can't stop!

Meredith Johnson: Remember all the things we did?

Tom Sanders: Yeah, I remember.

Meredith Johnson: Things nobody knows about you and me.

Meredith Johnson: All... our secrets.

Meredith Johnson: [about Susan] I guess it can be a bit inhibiting.

Tom Sanders: What's that?

Meredith Johnson: Domesticity.

Tom Sanders: Oh, you'd be surprised.

Meredith Johnson: Oh, I don't imagine you can jump her from behind just because all of sudden you get excited just by the way she bends over to pick up the soap.

Meredith Johnson: [looks romantically in his eyes] You remember that...don't you?

Tom Sanders: Yeah, I remember that.

Meredith Johnson: And you miss it, don't you?

Tom Sanders: I have my compensations.

Meredith Johnson: Oh course...that's life. A series of trade-offs.

Tom Sanders: Why don't I just admit it? Admit that I'm that evil white guy everyone is always complaining about? Hey Chau-Minh, come down here so I can exercise my patriarchal urge!

Tom Sanders: Sexual harassment is about power. When did I have the power? When?

Tom Sanders: You wanna get fucked? Huh? Is that what you want?