Michael ParksQuotes

Howard Howe: Never be ashamed of fear, Mr. Bryton. Fear is the unelected governor that keeps our actions moral.

Howard Howe: [dies] (last words) It is accomplished. You are my...Mr. Tusk.

Howard Howe: WALRUSES DO NOT CRY!!!

Howard Howe: You've lasted longer than the rest. You would kill me if you could. You want to. Your survival instincts...have kicked in. But...so have mine!

Howard Howe: [attacks] So just as I had to kill you back on Ponder Rock, you have a terrible choice to make here. You have to kill me...if you want to live. And if you live, you will be as a walrus...that you almost are. So...either you go full walrus...or this!

Howard Howe: Some years back, I was rescued from the island of Ponder Rock. A mere hour after I had butchered my sweet savior walrus...in order to live. I marked this occasion for fifteen years now...by allowing my flippered friend the fighting chance he never had. So...you will fight me like a walrus! Or you will die!!

Howard Howe: Yes...isn't this soothing to the soul? You know, if I close my eyes, I can almost imagine being back on Ponder Rock. I knew peace in this twisted, hateful world. I miss our little paradise, Mr. Tusk. This is just a poor facsimile of the magical enclave from when we first became good friends. You remember? Until that...terrible day. Man feeds on the meat and sinew of the helpless until we are all...alone. We survive at all costs only to butcher again and again until we ourselves are at last butchered in turn. You were not prepared for me last time, Mr. Tusk. You were not ready for the fight. But this time, it will be different...because I have hardened you. Just to show you how cruel man can really be. And if I have truly brought out the walrus in you...this time...you might just prevail.

Howard Howe: Yes... Now go to the fish, Mr. Tusk. Take the mackerel. FEED...

Howard Howe: Ahoy, matey! You know...it has occurred to me. If you are to fulfill your destiny...if you are to be a true walrus. Well, Mr. Tusk...a walrus must learn to swim.

Howard Howe: Oh, there, there, there, Mr. Tusk. There, there, I understand. It is very hard to be the elephant of the deep blue sea.

Howard Howe: [[Misanthropy|I've only ever known a human to be an ocean of shit] Mr. Tusk...why do you blubber so? Are you really mourning your loss of humanity? I don't understand. Who in the hell would want to be human? God Almighty... In all of my travels, ]. And my vessel, she lists, leaking.

Howard Howe: I'm so very tired, Mr. Tusk. Battered by a life of cruel fate...poor decisions...and the terrible consequences of both.

Howard Howe: Now...shall we dispense with the chuffa, Mr. Bryton? Perhaps it'd be best, in this, our burgeoning relationship to reveal our hearts with absolute candor. You see...for some time now...I've been constructing a very realistic walrus suit. And I believe with a few modifications, it will fit you just perfectly. But...whilst in the walrus suit, you must be a walrus. There'll be no sounds of a human voice. You must communicate everything you do as a walrus. Do you understand?

Howard Howe: Your life as you knew it is over, Mr. Bryton. Should you wish to continue living, you will be a walrus...or you will be nothing at all.

Howard Howe: [[W:Duplessis Orphan|Duplessis Orphan; [Maurice Duplessis; [W:Conservative Party (Canada)|Conservative Party; [Catholic Church; [Quebec; [W:la Grande Noirceur|la Grande Noirceur; [W:Montreal|Montreal; [Pedophilia|pederasts] Well, someone's looking for Wallace! Yes...it must be nice to know that somebody cares about you that much. Just what I felt on the island with Mr. Tusk. He was the only living thing that ever had my best interests at heart. As a child, I was not cared for so much as I was...filed away, like a document. A document fed into a shredding machine and fueled by the blood of the innocent. You see, I am a ]. Now, ] was the Premier of Quebec in those days. He was the head of the ] and with strong ties to the ]. As a matter of fact, it was in collusion with these charlatans of the Lord that Duplessis brought upon ] ]. The Great Darkness. As a boy of 10, my mother and father took me to ]. I had never seen anything so beautiful and bright and big and wonderful in my life. But when night falls in Montreal, the monsters come out to play. We were walking to dinner and were accosted by brigands in a back alley. My father was stabbed several times with the mugger's knife and my mother's throat was slashed as if she were cattle. I was placed in an abandoned boys home in Quebec. Boys whose lives had been destroyed. Provinces were responsible financially for all of the orphanages. The government was responsible for the mental institutions. So Duplessis and the Church, they came up with a scheme to obtain more money by reclassifying the orphanages as mental health-care facilities. And when nobody raised their voice in protest, why, they just shut down the orphanages and sent all the children, including me, to insane asylums. And so for the next five years, I was tortured, I was beaten, I was raped. I have had things in my mouth that no human being should ever taste. They never thought of me as a person. They just thought to use me. And use me they did. Priests, politicians...all ]. Even the nurses and nuns and night watchmen. All of them witches, all there to satisfy their most base...physical and financial desires...through the lips and rectum of a child. So with no one to answer to for their horrid crimes, these devils ran amuck with my innocence. But at age 15, I escaped Canada. Got on a boat, went to the United States, and never looked back. Until now. Yes...man is a savage animal, Mr. Bryton. Better to be a walrus.

Howard Howe: Is man truly a walrus at heart?

Howard Howe: I think that the real savage animals are the human beings.

Howard Howe: Oh, how I have missed you, Mr. Tusk. How I've missed our merry times together on Ponder Rock. I've regretted every day of my return to this wretched...civilization. This anxious, silly world, with all the banality of a breakfast cereal. The worst of man has long been fetid with greed and indifference. The best of man has long been lobotomized by reality television. I never should have left the wilderness. I never should have left you. This writhing nest of two-legged bipeds. Each devouring the other to stay alive. And I betrayed you. For what? Man's world? An immoral cesspool, boded with the wayward, and the destitute.

Howard Howe: There, there...it'll be alright. It'll be alright, Mr. Tusk.

Howard Howe: (narration of his letter) Hello, I am an old man who has enjoyed a long and storied life at sea. I am a proud Canadian who has traveled a peculiar path lo these many years. And after eons of oceanic adventure, I find myself a landlubber, with Manitoba as my final port. I know I do not wish to spend my remaining years alone in a giant house. Not when I have such stories to share. So to this end, I'm offering a room for rent in my stately woodland home. This arrangement will be free of charge, providing you to perform the simple household chores I can no longer tend to from the confines of this accursed wheelchair. But though I may be old, I have lived. And I will tell you all about my many adventures, in vivid detail. Please feel free to call me at the number below. Respectfully, Howard Howe.

Howard Howe: You are a kitchen witch of only good fortune.

Earl McGraw: Who's the bride?

Edgar McGraw: Don't know. The name on the marriage certificate is "Arlene Machiavelli." That's a fake. We've all just been calling her "The Bride" on account of the dress.

Earl McGraw: You can tell she was pregnant. Man'd have to be a mad dog to shoot a goddamn good-looking gal like that in the head. Look at her. Hay-colored hair, big eyes. She's a little blood-spattered angel.

Earl McGraw: Son Number 1?

Son Number 1: Yeah?

Earl McGraw: This tall drink of blonde cocksucker ain't dead.