Michael Richards Quotes

R.J. Fletcher You are a worthless human being, Mr., um...

Stanley Spadowski Spadowski, sir. Stanley Spadowski.

R.J. Fletcher Might I call you Stanley?

Stanley Spadowski Okay...

R.J. Fletcher Stanley, YOU'RE FIRED!!

Stanley Spadowski But I-I-I didn't --

R.J. Fletcher GET OUT!!

Stanley Spadowski This is pretty good watermelon......Tastes like poop. I'm gonna eat some Corn Flakes. These are pretty good...WHOA!! Free toy inside! Free toy inside!! Let's find it. Don't let your mom know that you do this.

Stanley Spadowski I'm thinkin of something orange. Something orange. Give up? It's an orange. Ok, now I'm thinkin of something blue. Something bluuuuuue. DUN-DADA-DUN-DADA-DUN-DADA-DUN-DADA DAA DAAAAA!! Don't you like Bonanza?!

Fejos Would you like to buy a monkey?

Fejos Is good, ya? Is funny?

R.J. Fletcher Do you see anything missing from this desk?

Stanley Spadowski That stapler?

Stanley Spadowski Watch out, Mr. Coyote... Aww.

Stanley Spadowski This is my new mop. My friend George, he gave me this mop. It's a pretty good mop. It's not as good as my old mop, I miss my old mop. But it's still a good mop. Sometimes, you gotta take what life gives you, cause life is like a mop. And sometimes, life gets full of dirt and crud and bugs and hairballs and stuff, but you've got to clean it out. You gotta put it in here and rinse it out and start all over again. And sometimes, life sticks to the floor so bad a mop isn't good enough. It's not good enough. You gotta get down here with, like, a toothbrush or something, and really scrub, and if that doesn't work, if that doesn't work...you can't give up. You've got to run a window and yell, "HEY! THESE FLOORS ARE AS DIRTY AS HELL , AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!

Stanley Spadowski Oh, Joel Miller, you just found the marble in the oatmeal! You're a very, very, very lucky little boy. You know why? You get to drink from...THE FIRE HOOOOOSE!!!

George Newman Did you have a good time in there, Stanley?

Stanley Spadowski Yeah yeah. That was FUN.

George Newman Great! How would you like to do that every day?

Stanley Spadowski Yeah! That would be neat - WAIT A minute! Do I...still get to be the janitor?

George Newman Sure.

Stanley Spadowski It's a DEAL!