Michael X. SommersQuotes

Leslie: Mr. Mayor! Mr. Mayor, over here! Mr. Mayor! Do you think your recent triple heart bypass affect your campaign strategy?

Mayor McKrinkle: Now, Leslie, I'm just here to eat.

Ernie: [French accent; [honour] Ah, monsieur le maire, Madame maire, welcome to Chez Ernie. What an ] it is to have you in my humble bistro. Suivez-moi. You brought the little ones. The little bicycle thieves. Bonjour! Our very best table. Have you lost little weight?

Mayor McKrinkle: Oh, I--

Ernie: I think so! I think you may be buff! Je suisse enchante pour votre beaute. You know what I mean?

The Mayor's Wife: [chuckles] Oh, Monsieur Ernie...

Ernie: [enters the kitchen to cook the lobster loaf and sighs; A cockroach in Ernie's father's box of cigars opens the lid, and scurries toward the food; stops the waiter; puts a fire on Duck a l'orange, brings all of the food and places on the table] Excusez-moi. Au revoir, les enfants! The air's not so thin at the top. Just like the old man to die before I hit it big. Remember, everyone. Attention to detail is vital! Presentation is everything. No, no, no, no, no! These I must deliver myself. Duck a I'Orange avec du quack sauce... And for ze Mayor, la specialite de la maison, Lobster Loaf a la Ernest ou la bibliotheque. Bon Appetit.

Mayor McKrinkle: [exhales] Oh.

Ernie: Ah, bonjour!

Leslie: Chef Ernie. How does it feel to be serving the mayor on the eve of his campaign reelection?

Ernie: Well, Leslie... May I call you Leslie?

Leslie: Ah, of course.

Mayor McKrinkle: [eats the lobster loaf almond without noticing the cockroach in his food, mistakenly biting his head off] Crunchy! Hmm. I love the almonds.

Ernie: Leslie, cuisine, she is a fickle mistress...

Becky: [notices the cockroach's body; picks the cockroach's body up with a fork and sees his head missing] EW! Look! A cockroach!

Betty: That's only half a cockroach.

Becky: Daddy, you ate the head!

The Mayor's Wife: [clutches the mayor's shoulder; the mayor immediately spits his food and spews the cockroach's head out onto the table and chokes from his vomit as the cockroach's head crawls. Becky and Betty grab knives, and start trying to stab the cockroach's head, which crawls away to avoid getting killed. The mayor holds himself, coughs while clutching his chest in agony until he falls off, then collapses to the floor, screaming, much to his wife's shock, causing her to scream too when the news reporters crowd around him, due to this causing him to have a heart attack from the shock and fall over unconscious when he swallows the cockroach and passes out] Honey, are you OK? Not again!

Reporters: [Ernie just stands there, looking quite aghast by this, as the news reporters now crowd around him, demanding to know if he intended to murder the mayor or if it was an accident] Was this an accident or did you murder him...?

Paramedic: Clear!

Betty: That's it.

Becky: I can do that better!