Nathan LaneQuotes

Ed Chapman: Why isn't she in school?

Angie Vega: I'm off for the holidays.

Ed Chapman: Christmas is two weeks away.

Angie Vega: I'm very religious, you got a problem with that?

Phil Webster: Limbo is like New Jersey. You can see all the good stuff, you just have to get there.

Phil Webster: Virgil - look - you have to learn to see - just like you learned to speak. Only this is not like learning a new language - it's like learning language for the first time. Perception - sight - life, is about experience - about reaching out and exploring the world for yourself. It's not enough to just see Virgil—we've got to look as well.

Ernie Smuntz: [Doing taste tests with the mouse; The mouse takes a bite of the string cheese and throws it down; He gives him the next string cheese; The mouse eats it all up; [w:The Walt Disney Company|some people who have used a mouse as a spokesperson] Here you go, knock yourself out. No good, huh? Otis, more curry! Okay, try this one. Eh? It's mozzarella and herring. You can taste the herring, right? I've also got a great idea for a caviar-brie swirl and a peanut butter and jelly-provolone for the kids. But I really want to talk about marketing. You should be our spokesperson. I know ] and it seemed to work out pretty well...

Ernie Smuntz: [Upon seeing the box, returned for insufficient postage] I told you, you should have weighed him.

Ernie Smuntz: [holding a tiny box, addressed to [[w:Fidel Castro|Fidel Castro; He chuckles evilly] ] in Havana, Cuba] Aw... I forgot to put holes in the box!

Ernie Smuntz: [when Lars accidentally smacks Ernie's hand with a hammer] Are you trying to kill me?!!

Ernie Smuntz: [when Lars accidentally hits Ernie with a broom] What are you doing, ya stupid nitwit?!

Ernie Smuntz: Pop's lucky string! That son of a bitch ate it!

Ernie Smuntz: Hasta la vista, you little rat bastard!

Ernie Smuntz: I don't think we're dealing with an ordinary mouse.

Ernie Smuntz: Yeah, I was on top once, too. And there's only one way to go from there, and that's down, baby! Down!

Ernie Smuntz: [He rings a counter-bell, looking around at the diner's customers] No capers? But that's just grilled cheese. What's the point? Why don't they eat out of a trough? Alright! Which one of you palateless sheep sent my sandwich back?

Celsius: Chewing gum helps me think.

Albert: Sweetie, you're wasting your gum!

Albert: Oh yes, another jibe, another joke at my expense. You were probably laughing at me with Katharine, too. Well, why not? I'm not young, I'm not new, and everyone laughs at me. I'm quite aware of how ridiculous I am. I've been thinking that the only solution is to go where no one is ridiculous and everyone is equal. Goodbye, Armand.

Armand: All right, I'll bite, where are you going?

Albert: To Los Copa.

Armand: Los Copa? There's nothing in Los Copa but a cemetery.

Albert: I know, that's why I'm packing light.

Armand: [[Egypt|Egyptian] Oh I see, so you're going to a cemetery with your toothbrush. How ].

Albert: No good?

Armand: Actually, it's perfect. I just never realized John Wayne walked like that.

Armand: Al, you old (using the other bad word)! How ya doin'? How do you feel about that call today? I mean the Dolphins! Fourth-and-three play on their 30 yard line with only 34 seconds to go!

Albert: How do you think I feel? Betrayed, bewildered... wrong response?

Albert: Maybe it is great to introduce me as his mother on the first visit. Could you tell him I was a relative who dropped in? Val's uncle, Uncle Al!

Armand: What's the point? You'd be Val's (using the other bad word) Uncle Al.

Albert: Oh, I could play it straight!

Armand: Oh please, look at you! Look at the way you're holding your glass! Look at your pinky! Look at your posture!

Albert: What? What about you? You're obviously not a cultural... whatever it is. You've never been to a museum, and you eat like a pig!

Armand: Albert, these people are right-wing conservatives. They don't care if you're a pig, they just care if you're a fag!... Ah, (using the other bad word) em! Of course you can pass as an uncle!

Albert: Whatever I am, he made me! I was adorable once, young and full of hope. And now look at me! I'm this short, fat, insecure, middle-aged THING!

Armand: I made you short?

Albert: Don't use that tone to me!

Armand: What tone?

Albert: That sarcastic contemptuous tone that means you know everything because you're a man, and I know nothing because I'm a woman.

Armand: You're not a woman.

Albert: Oh, you (using the other bad word)!

Armand: Val's fiancée is coming tonight with her parents, and we thought... we thought it would be better if you wasn't here.

Albert: I see... I see.

Val: It's just for tonight.

Albert: I understand, it's just while people are here.

Max Bialystock: [to a prisoner in Sing Sing] What are you in for, lack of rhythm?

Max Bialystock: I'm drowning here! I'm going down for the last time! I... I... I see my whole life flashing before my eyes! I see a weathered old farmhouse... With a white picket fence... I'm running through fields of alfalfa with my collie, Rex. No Rex, not on the alfalfa! And I see my mother... I see Mama, standing on the back porch, in a worn but clean gingham gown... And I hear my mama calling out to me..."Alvin, don't forget your chores! The wood needs a-cordin and the cows need a-milkin'! Alvin! Alvin!"... Wait a minute. My name's not Alvin. That's not my life. Someone else's life is flashing before my eyes... WHAT THE HELL IS THAT ABOUT?! I'm not a hillbilly, I grew up in the Bronx! Leo's taken everything... even my past!

Max Bialystock: [reading a postcard] Dear Max, Rio is everything you said it was and more. Ulla and i think of you every chance we get. In the morning, when we have Breakfast on our Terrace, many different Herrings. In the afternoon, we rub each other's sun-drenched bodies with Banana Cream Coconut Oil, Number 15. And then, in the evening, when we samba together in the moonlight.... Sorry, must run, Ulla's waiting. It's almost 11, wish you were here. Your pal, Leo!

Max Bialystock: [with a very high Irish accent; normal voice] And now I'll be on me way, before me voice gets any higher! As we say in the old country... TAXI!

Max Bialystock: What are you shooting at us for, you teutonic TWIT?!

Max Bialystock: Leo, you are nervous, over-stimulated. GIVE ME THOSE FRIGGIN BOOKS!

Max Bialystock: We got the wrong play, the wrong director, the wrong cast. Where did we go right?

Max Bialystock: Let's get out of here before they kill us.

Max Bialystock: [after seeing Franz perform at the auditions] THAT'S OUR HITLER!

Max Bialystock: [After Ulla has painted the entire room white, he goes to the safe with the tax books] ...She painted over the numbers...

Max Bialystock: For once, I would love to see someone on that couch who's under eighty-five!

Max Bialystock: Shut up! I'm having a rhetorical conversation!

Max Bialystock: I'll send you to the moon Thursday. I may even join you.

Max Bialystock: [holding play] Smell it. Touch it. Kiss it. Kiss it! It's the mother lode...

Max Bialystock: [reading a play; speaking] As Gregor Samsa woke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself transformed in his bed into a giant cock-a-roach. Nah, too good.

Max Bialystock: Hold me touch me, where is hold me touch me...Hold me touch me, Hold me touch me... Kiss me feel me, Lick me bite me, Yank me spank me, Suck me fu... ah! Hold me touch me!

Max Bialystock: [to Ulla] Even though we're sitting down, we're giving you a standing ovation.

Max Bialystock: Please make audition - make audition allll over the office.

Max Bialystock: Dear Lord... I want that money!

Max Bialystock: [mouthed] There's a lot more to you than there is to you! What the fuck?

Max Bialystock: [To Leo; to bust] Well, you know what they say: "smile and the world smiles with you." This man should be in a straightjacket!