Memorable Quotes from Nick Swardson
19 quotesChallenging the Nerds for a Duel
Jeff
Line up, you fuckin nerds. Who wants a shot at the champ?!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Lighthearted Funeral Request
Howie
Fine, you can eat the thin mints at my funeral, Richie.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Discovery of a Raft in the Water
Nick
There's a raft in there? Who did that?
[he pokes the box and it self-inflates, knocking him down, along with a whole row of products]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confronting Negative Attitudes Directly
Jeff
I'll run over your attitude. It sucks.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Jeff's Lighthearted Introduction About His Bush
Jeff
Hi, I'm Jeff. I have a bush too. it's not grey.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Casual Inquiry from Jeff
Jeff
What's goin on, shitlips?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Sun and Moon: A Lighthearted Exchange
Howie
I`m not afraid of the sun anymore.
Wayne
That`s good, buddy. How's the moon treating you?
Howie
Not a fan!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Severing Ties and Moving On
Jeff
You're dead to me, over.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Hector's Challenge with a Ukrainian Skater
Hector
I almost gave up on you Jimmy. I started working on that Ukrainian skater, you know the one that looks like Elvis. So i moved to the Ukraine and it was cold, and everybody had guns, and it smelled like soup.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Casual Greeting from Jeff
Jeff
What's up, Douche Bigalow?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Christmas Gifts from Roommates in Car Beds
Jeff
My roommates said they'd get me rims for christmas. And a CB Radio so I can talk to other car beds.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Comparison in a Humorous Exchange
Terry
Your mom's a Ukalele, Terry.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Harsh Insult from Jeff
Jeff
You were a dirty old whore.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Howie’s Revelation About the Sun
Howie
For years I thought the sun was a monster. But I am here to tell you that it's not a monster! IT'S NOT A MONSTER!
[cries]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Regret Over Choices in Relationships
Jeff
I shoulda worn a condom.
[sigh]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Offering Comfort Through Stuffed Animals
Jeff
Do you need a stuffed animal? I have a dog. I think I have a bear. Yeah, I have a bear.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Fear of a Name in Peril
Howie
Richie told me about that killer lose in the neighborhood, He is killing anyone named Howie! That’s my name, That’s My Name!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Understanding the Meaning of "All the Way
Howie
That's so great...what does all the way mean?
Howie
Aaaaaah!
[squeezes suntan lotion and screams]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Confessions of a Friend
Jeff
I can't believe you came on my mom. You might be the biggest perv in the world right now.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.