Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa - Business Wisdom and Personal Conflict
Jason Cresswell:
Never take your eye off the ball, Pat. First rule of business. Second rule of business, always be prepared for an opportunity when it arises, like I was just then. Yeah. Course I wouldn't expect you to understand that. It's Darwinian. You're a runt.
Pat Farrell:
Is that what you think, Alan?
Alan Partridge:
I wouldn't quite, you know, use those words. Well, I think... I think... The sort of the gist of what, you know...
Pat Farrell:
I just don't like bullies.
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Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa - A Memorable Encounter and Personal Reflection
Jason Cresswell:
Seriously, did you give her one?
Alan Partridge:
Well, I... I gave her a ruddy big kiss she won't forget in a hurry. Hand on the outside of the bra. Er... you know, reconnaissance. And then I just held her in my arms because told me she never knew her mother, and I said, "Well, my mother raised me and lived to a ripe old age. But guess what? I never really knew her." Erm... and... To get back on track, erm...
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Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa - Confidence in Unconventional Situations
Jason Cresswell:
All I need to know is can you handle it?
Alan Partridge:
Well, er... Would you ask that of a man who'd gone paintballing, realized he'd left his goggles at reception but carried on anyway?
Jason Cresswell:
Why?
Alan Partridge:
You're looking at him.
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Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa - Facing Change with Humor and Confidence
Jason Cresswell:
Change is healthy, you shouldn't fear it.
Alan Partridge:
I'm not scared of anything. Not even an elephant, which is interesting, because there's one in this room.
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Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa - Uncertainty in a Simple Exchange
Jason Cresswell:
So, are you on your way out?
Pat Farrell:
You tell me.
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Four Lions - Humor in Misunderstanding Car Parts
Omar:
I thought you said you'd fixed it!
Barry:
It's the car parts, they're Jewish!
Omar:
What parts in a car are Jewish?
Faisal:
Spark plugs?
Barry:
That's it, spark plugs! Jews invented spark plugs to control global traffic!
Barry:
Might bomb a mosque.
Omar:
Barry, we're not bombing a mosque.
Barry:
You don't get it, do you Omar? We radicalize the moderates, the Ummah rises up, it all kicks off!
Omar:
No, I do get it. I'll tell you what it's like. It's like getting into a fight with someone, and they're punching you in the face, right? Right? And so what you'd gon do right, you punch yourself in the face!
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Four Lions - Humorous Exchange About Hair Dyeing
Faisal:
And there's this voice "Can I have 12 bottles of bleach please?
Barry:
What's that?
Faisal:
A woman's voice, for like dying her hair and that.
Barry:
Oh yeah and her beard.
Faisal:
What?
Barry:
You've got a fucking beard Faisal.
Faisal:
I covered it.
Barry:
Why did she have her hands over her face?
Faisal:
Because she's got a beard.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.