Office Christmas Party - Boss Asks Employees for Unconventional Help
Nate:
Okay, I'm gonna need both of you assclowns to hack into Clay's phone so we can find him.
Tim:
Come on, why would we help you, dude? Seriously?
Drew:
Yeah, why would we help you?
Nate: [grabs Tim by the collar]
Because I'm your fucking boss, and I'm telling you to.
Drew: [turns to Mary]
He can't touch him!
Mary:
I'll allow it.
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Office Christmas Party - Unexpected News About Significant Others at Party
Tim:
Nate, what's up, man? Did you see? Significant others are welcome at the party.
Drew:
Look at that. Looks like we're finally gonna meet Becca.
Nate:
Yeah. Um, oh, shoot. Uh, except she's working late tonight. Modelling.
Tim:
Is she shooting the cover... of "Full of Shit" magazine?
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Project X - Party Chaos and Heated Confrontation
Rob: [as the riot police close in; points to a flaming tree in his front yard]
Hey Oliver! Great party buddy. You owe me a fucking tree, you piece of shit!
Costa:
All we were doing was trying to have a good time, you cocksucking motherfucker! This is your fault!
Rob:
I'll kill you, you fucking punk! You know where you're going? You're going to jail you motherfucker! You're gonna-OW!
Costa:
Yeah! That's my boys! Suck my dick, Robert! Suck my fucking dick!
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Project X - Party Expectations and Realizations
Thomas: [on the roof, looking at the party below]
Is this big enough to be cool?
Costa: [The crowd below is chanting Thomas' name]
Game changer. Are you hearing this? This is your fucking Party man!
Thomas:
You're right dude. I needed this.
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Project X - Party Tensions Rise Among Friends
Rob: [knocking on the door]
Hey, Thomas. Look man I don't want to be a dick here or anything, but your friend Oliver came by earlier and told me you guys were having a little party but this is too much.
Thomas:
Yeah. We actually should be winding down like midnight, maybe 1. Is that okay?
Rob:
No, it's not. I'm sorry. The baby can't sleep and Melinda's gotta be up early for work.
Costa: [walks up]
Fuck yeah! My boy Rob is here to rage! Good to see you, brother.
Rob:
Whoa, yeah. Actually I'm not raging, but I'm just telling Thomas it's time to shut it down.
Costa:
You can't be serious. This is a great party. What the fuck?
Rob:
I am serious because it's 11:30 at night and it's time to wrap it up.
J.B.:
Hey, hey, hey. Why don't we just bring everyone to the back and lower the volume a bit.
Rob:
Guys, this isn't a request! The party's over.
Costa:
I guess we're just gonna have to agree to disagree then, aren't we?
Rob:
Listen to me. Thomas, either shut it down or I'm calling the cops. Fine, fuck it! I'm calling the fucking cops.
Costa:
Fuck! Oh shit!
J.B.:
Jesus fucking Christ! What did you do that for?
Costa: [Rob punches Everett in the face]
Are you fucking kidding me? I will fucking kill you!
Rob:
The little fuck tazed me! I'm definitely calling the cops now!
Costa:
You punched a kid in the face! I'm calling the cops on your ass now!
Rob:
Do it, genius! It's all on tape. I just saw this mother fucker record it right here.
Dax:
No, all I got was you punching that little child's face.
Rob:
Fuck you!
Costa:
Go home, Robert!
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Project X - Apologies Among Friends in Project X
Costa: [All three are sprawled on the front lawn, high on ecstacy]
I love you guys. No seriously. Look I realize I can be like a huge dick sometimes, I'm really sorry for that.
Thomas:
It's okay.
Costa:
No it's not. JB, I'm sorry for buying you a bra on your birthday. That wasn't cool.
J.B.:
Wasn't cool man.
Costa: [[w:Rosie O'Donnell|Rosie O'Donnell]
And I'm sorry for all the times I called you "fat fuck." "Pudgy bitch." "Fudgy the whale." And I'm sorry for that time at your brother's Bar Mitzvah when I told everyone you look like ] because you don't.
J.B.:
I don't.
Thomas:
Hey guys? I hooked up with Kirby. I'm like, really into her.
Costa:
Okay seriously Thomas, that's like cool and all, but she's like always been around. It's like hooking up with J.B., but her tits are smaller.
J.B.:
Hey.
Costa:
I'm just saying. Kirby's sort of like, one of us. Tonight's about the girls we never had a shot at. Tonight's about changing the game.
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Project X - Peer Pressure and Consequences of Actions
Thomas:
My parents are gonna crucify me if anything gets fucked up! You know what I don't care if everyone thinks I'm a dick, I'm getting them out of the house.
Costa:
Dude come on.
Costa:
Dude what the fuck are you doing? Thomas! Please don't embarrass me like this!
Thomas:
Hey listen up!
Alexis:
Yeah, Thomas! Woow!
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Project X - Confession of Regret and Frustration
Costa: [after the car is driven into the pool]
Wow. I don't know how to fix this. I don't know how to fix any of this shit. I'm sorry Thomas. I just wanted to get some pussy.
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Project X - Unexpected Pool Maintenance Comment
Costa: [about the "Naked Girls Only" sign by the pool]
The next time your pool guy comes by for a clean, he's gonna say, "Excuse me Mr. Kub, but I think I may have found some water in your semen.
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Project X - Costa introduces the party and its significance
Costa: [on video; grabs crotch]
What up my lovely females? This is your boy Costa, your host for the evening. Behind me is Thomas Kub's house. Today is Thomas Kub's birthday, and this is Project X, yo.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.