The Devil's Brother - Love and Regret in Relationships
Stanlio: [Ordered to hang Ollio or be killed himself]
Try and put yourself in my place.
Ollio:
I wish I could.
Stanlio:
Ollio, do you remember that girl you were very much in love with?A nd she wouldn't marry you because she heard you had a son?
Ollio:
Yes?
Stanlio:
Well, I was to blame for that. I told her I was your son!
Ollio:
Hurry up and get this over with! You're wasting my time!
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The Devil's Brother - A Plan for Easy Wealth
Ollio:
Now we've got to start all over again - right at the bottom!
Stanlio:
Why don't we start at the top?
Ollio:
Whaddaya mean?
Stanlio:
Well, why don't we become bandits? Then we wouldn't have to work hard anymore. Let's get it the easy way. We could rob the rich and give them to the poor, and we could have all...
Ollio: [Interrupting him]
That's the first time you've shown any intelligence.
Stanlio:
Well, it's the first time you've listened to me. You know if you listened to me, in a while you'd be a lot better off. But one thing worries me. We don't know anything about being bandits.
Ollio:
Why, we can become bandits. It's simple. It doesn't require any brains!
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The Bohemian Girl - A Familiar Blame in a Sticky Situation
Ollie: [as a giant]
Well, Here's another nice mess you've gotten me into! Hmm!
Stanley: [as a dwarf]
But I couldn't help it! You've always picked on me!
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The Bohemian Girl - A Question of Parentage and Privacy
Ollie's Wife:
What?
Ollie:
Who's kid is that?
Ollie's Wife:
It's none of your business.
Ollie:
What do you mean it's none of my business? I demand to know who she is!
Ollie's Wife:
Well, if you must know, she's yours!
Ollie: [smiles]
Mine? Well, why didn't you tell me before?
Ollie's Wife:
Because I didn't want her to know who her father was, till she was old enough to stand the shock.
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The Bohemian Girl - Accusations of Infidelity and Skepticism
Stanley:
You know what?
Ollie:
What?
Stanley:
I'm not going to say anything until I get positive proof, but I just saw Devilshoof kissing your wife.
Ollie:
Ha-ha. Ridiculous!
Stanley:
Do you believe me or believe what I see?
Ollie:
Nothing of the kind.
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The Bohemian Girl - Communication Breakdown in Relationships
Ollie:
Hello, honey.
Ollie's Wife:
Don't honey me, you big bag of suet! I told you five minutes ago not to talk to me. I told you an hour ago. I told you a week ago!
Stan:
Yeah, and you told him a year ago too. Didn't you?
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The Bohemian Girl - Betrayal and Gratitude in Friendship
Ollie:
Aren't you ashamed of yourself? After all I've done for you. I took you out of the gutter and gave you a career. Made a first class pickpocket out of you. And this is your gratitude? It hurts, Stanley. I tell you, it hurts.
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The Bohemian Girl - The Importance of Broad-Mindedness in Marriage
Ollie:
Don't you understand that a man to be married nowadays, must be broad-minded.
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Way Out West - A Hat Eating Challenge is Proposed
Stan:
Your hat's dry.
Ollie:
Oh that reminds me, you made a statement this afternoon.
Stan:
Did I?
Ollie:
Mmm-hmmm. You said if we didn't get the deed, you'd eat my hat.
Stan:
Oh, now you're taking me literally.
Ollie:
Nevertheless, I'm going to teach you not to make rash promises.
Ollie:
Eat the hat.
Stan:
Oh that's silly. Whoever heard of anybody eating a hat?
Ollie:
Whoever heard of anybody doing that.
Ollie:
Eat the hat!
Stan: [Gives it back]
I won't do it.
Ollie: [Slams it back in his lap]
If you don't eat that hat, I'll tie you to a tree and let the buzzards get you!
Stan:
Would you really do that?
Ollie:
I certainly would. Eat it.
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Way Out West - Confusion Over Identity in Way Out West
Ollie: [Stan and Ollie stop walking, Ollie does a double take]
Did you hear what she said her name was?
Stan:
Sure, Mary Roberts.
Ollie:
How can she be Mary Roberts when we've just given the deed to Mary Roberts?
Stan: [crushes a cigar butt with his shoe]
I don't know.
Ollie:
I smell a rat.
Stan: [discovers his shoe is smoking from the cigar butt, dunks his feet into the janitor's water pail]
I smell something too.
Ollie:
Come on.
Ollie:
Pardon me, did you ever have a father by the name of Cy Roberts?
Mary Roberts:
Why, yes. He left me here with these people years ago when he went prospecting.
Ollie:
Well, who's that woman upstairs?
Mary Roberts:
That's Lola Marcel, Mr. Finn's wife. She's my legal guardian now.
Stan:
Can I speak to you for a minute?
Ollie:
Pardon us.
Stan:
Yeah, we'll be right back.
Stan:
You know what?
Ollie:
What?
Stan:
I think we've given that deed to the wrong woman. That's the first mistake we've made since that guy sold us the Brooklyn Bridge.
Ollie:
Oh, buying that bridge was no mistake. That's gonna be worth a lot of money to us someday.
Stan:
Well, maybe you're right. We'd better go and get the deed.
Ollie:
Say, maybe they won't give it back to us.
Stan:
What do you mean, they won't give it back to us? We'll get that deed, or I'll eat your hat.
Ollie:
That's what I call determination.
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Way Out West - Secrets of a Gold Mine Revealed
Mickey Finn:
I'm Mary's legal guardian. What do you want to see her for?
Ollie: [smiling and shutting his eyes in his famous charming disarming way]
Well, sir, we aren't supposed to talk about that to anyone else.
Stan:
Yeah, you see, it's PRIVATE. Her father died and left her a gold mine, and we're not supposed tell it to anyone but her, right Ollie?
Ollie: [glaring at Stan]
Now that he's taken you into our CONFIDENCE...You might as well know the rest!
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Way Out West - A Question of Ideas and Acceptance
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A Chump at Oxford - Departure Plans Between Friends
Stan:
Ollie, where ya goin'?
Ollie:
Back to America for me!
Stan:
Ollie?
Ollie:
What?
Stan: [starts to cry]
You're going without me...
Ollie:
Stan! You know me!
Stan:
Well, of course I know you... What do you have, one of those dizzy spells?
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A Chump at Oxford - Dizzy Spell Humor in A Chump at Oxford
Stan: [Pointing to Wilfred Lucas]
Look, he's having one of those dizzy spells.
Ollie:
Yeah, he's a Dizzy Dean!
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A Chump at Oxford - Misunderstanding at the College Entrance
Student:
Pardon me sir, but haven't you come to the wrong college?
Ollie:
This is Oxford isn't it?
Student:
Yes but, you're dressed for Eton
Stan:
Just as well, we haven't eaten since breakfast
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Nothing But Trouble - Confronting Fear and Indifference to Death
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Nothing But Trouble - Confronting Fears: A Lion's Perspective
Oliver:
Well, there's nothing to it. All you have to do is look the lion straight in the eyes. Lions are afraid of that. I read that in a book.
Stan:
But did the lion read the book?
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Great Guns - Assignment of a Porter and Schedule Adjustments
Stan: [Hippo lights his pipe with an exploded shell and gets soot all over his face]
Look, they've assigned us a porter.
Oliver:
You may start over here, my good man, and you may have Thursdays off.
Stan:
Twice a week.
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Great Guns - Unexpected Responses in Tense Conversation
Sgt. Hippo:
What did I ever do to deserve a couple of yaps like you?
Stan:
Maybe you were good to your mother.
Sgt. Hippo:
Pipe down!
Stan:
Yes, sir.
Sgt. Hippo:
Now at 10:00 you're all going over for an IQ test, and according to the answers you give, you'll be classified in a job.
Stan:
Swell! We're good at quizes, aren't we, Ollie?
Oliver:
Maybe they'll put me in the intelligence "corpse".
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