Juno - Confession of Unexpected Feelings
Juno:
I think I'm in love with you.
Paulie:
You mean as friends?
Juno:
No, I mean for real. Cause you're, like, the coolest person I've ever met — and you don't even have to try, you know...
Paulie:
I try really hard, actually.
Juno:
You're, like, naturally smart and you're not like everyone else. You don't stare at my stomach all the time, you look at my face and every time I see you, the baby starts kicking super hard.
Paulie:
It does?
Paulie:
Wizard.
Juno:
I think it's cause my heart starts pounding every time I see you.
Paulie:
Mine too.
Juno:
That's all I could ask for. You're gold, man.
Paulie:
Can we make out now?
Juno: [kisses him]
Yeah.
Leah:
(seeing them) Hey, you know, you can go into early labor sucking face like that!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Juno - Conflict Over Revealing Baby's Sex
Ultrasound Technician:
Well, there you have it. Would you like to know the sex?
Leah:
Yes!
Juno:
No!
Leah:
Pleease, Juno, please!
Juno:
No, there will be no sex!
Ultrasound Technician:
Planning to be surprised when you deliver?
Juno:
Well, no, but I want Mark and Vanessa to be surprised and if you tell me, I'll just, like, ruin everything.
Ultrasound Technician:
Are Mark and Vanessa your friends at school?
Juno:
No, no, no. They're the adoptive parents.
Ultrasound Technician:
Oh, well, thank goodness for that.
Bren:
(outraged) What the hell's that supposed to mean?
Ultrasound Technician:
(uncomfortably) I just see a lot of teenage mothers come through here, and it's obviously a poisonous environment to raise a baby in.
Juno:
How do you know I'm so poisonous? What if these adoptive parents turn out to be, like, evil molesters?
Leah:
Or, like, stage parents.
Bren:
They could be utterly negligent. Maybe they'll do a far shittier job of raising a kid than my dumbass step-daughter would. Have you considered that?
Ultrasound Technician:
I guess not.
Bren:
What is your job title exactly?
Ultrasound Technician:
I'm an ultrasound technician, ma'am.
Bren:
Well, I'm a nail technician and I think we both ought to just stick to what we know.
Ultrasound Technician:
Excuse me?
Bren:
Oh, you think you're so special because you get to play Picture Pages up there? Well, my five year old daughter could do that and let me tell you, she's not the brightest bulb in the tanning bed. So why don't you go back to night school in Mantino and learn a real trade?
Juno:
Bren! You’s a dick! I love it!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Juno - Contemplating Adoption and Its Consequences
Juno:
I was thinking I could, like, have this baby and give it to someone that like totally needs it; like a woman with a bum ovary or a couple of nice lesbos.
Leah:
But then you're gonna get, like, huge, and your chest is gonna "milktate," and you're gonna have to, like, tell people that you're pregnant.
Juno:
Yeah, but maybe they'll, like, canonize me for being so selfless.
Leah:
Or maybe they'll, like, totally shit and be really, really mad and not let you graduate or go to Cabo for Spring Break.
Juno:
I was gonna go to Gettysburg with Bleeker, anyway.
Leah:
You should look at adoption ads. I see them all the time in the PennySaver.
Juno:
They have ads for parents?
Leah:
Yeah! "Desperately Seeking Spawn." Right next to, like, terriers and iguanas and used fitness equipment and stuff. It's, like, totally legit.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Juno - Uncertainty and Misunderstanding Among Friends
Juno:
So, I'm not really sure how I'm gonna spit this out...
Bren:
Hon, did you get expelled?
Juno:
No. The school would most likely contact you in the event of my expulsion.
Bren:
Well, I was just asking; it seemed plausible enough, given your record of generally being the worst human in existence.
Mac:
What do you need, a large amount of money? Legal council? Need to pay off a Mexican drug lord?
Juno:
No, I'm not asking for anything... except for maybe mercy. Like, it would be friggin sweet if no one hit me.
Mac:
Well, what have you done, Junebug? Did you hit someone with the Previa?
Leah: [to Juno]
Dude, I think it's best to just tell em.
Juno:
...I'm pregnant.
Bren:
Oh, God.
Juno:
But, uh ah, I'm going to give it up for adoption and I already found the perfect couple. They're going to pay for the medical expenses and everything. And in... what, ah... thirty-odd weeks, we can just pretend that this never happened.
Mac:
You're pregnant?
Juno:
I'm sorry. I'm sorry... And if it's any consolation, I have heartburn that's radiating in my knee caps and I haven't taken a dump since Wednesday... morning!
Bren:
I didn't even know that you were sexually active.
Juno:
I, uh...
Mac:
Who is the kid?
Juno:
The-the baby? I don't really know much about it other than, I mean, it has fingernails, allegedly.
Bren:
Nails, really?
Juno:
Yeah!
Mac:
No, I know. I mean, who's the father, Juno?
Juno:
Umm... It's Paulie Bleeker.
Mac: [in amusement]
Paulie Bleeker?
Juno:
What?
Mac:
I didn't think he had it in him!
Leah:
I know, right?
Mac:
All right, this is no laughing matter.
Juno:
No, it's not... and, you know, Paulie is actually great... in, uh... in chair.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Juno - Unexpected Encounters and Unpleasant Experiences
Leah:
Dude, what are you doing here!? I'm supposed to come get you at 4.
Juno: [pacing]
I couldn't do it, Leah! It smelled like a dentist office in there, and there were these horrible magazines with water stains. And then the friggin receptionist is trying to give me these condoms that look like grape suckers, and just babbling away about her friggin boyfriend's pie balls.
Leah:
Yum!
Juno:
And Su-Chin was there, and she was like, "Oh hi! Babies have fingernails." Fingernails!
Leah:
That's gruesome. You think the baby can scratch your vag on the way out?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Juno - Humor Amid Serious Conversations in Juno
Leah: [on the phone]
Yo, yo, yiggity yo.
Juno:
I'm a suicide risk.
Leah:
Juno?
Juno: [sarcastically]
No, it's Morgan Freeman. Do you have any bones that need collecting?
Leah:
Only the one in my pants!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Dredd - Rookie Anderson's Academy Score Discussion
Chief Judge:
Her final Academy score put her three percentile points below a pass.
Judge Dredd:
So what's she doing in a uniform?
Chief Judge: [To an intercom]
Rookie Anderson.
Cassandra Anderson:
Sir.
Chief Judge:
What can you tell me about the person I am with?
Cassandra Anderson:
Male. Another Judge. I can feel anger. And control. But.....there's something else. Something....behind the control. Something... almost...
Chief Judge:
Thank you, Anderson. That will do.
Judge Dredd:
She's a mutant.
Chief Judge:
The Judges Council have chosen to overlook her status. You will, too. She's the most powerful psychic we've ever come across by a huge margin. The Judges are losing the war for the city. We believe she could be a major asset. As I said, her final score was only three points below a pass. It's marginal.
Judge Dredd:
It's not marginal. She failed.
Chief Judge:
The girl's getting one more chance. I want you to take her out. Give her one day in the field, supervised. See if she makes the grade. Sink or swim. Chuck her in the deep end.
Judge Dredd:
It's all the deep end.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.