Olivia Thirlby Quotes - Best Lines & Interviews

Memorable Quotes from Olivia Thirlby

7 quotes

Juno

Conflict Over Revealing Baby's Sex

Ultrasound Technician Well, there you have it. Would you like to know the sex?

Leah Yes!

Juno No!

Leah Pleease, Juno, please!

Juno No, there will be no sex!

Ultrasound Technician Planning to be surprised when you deliver?

Juno Well, no, but I want Mark and Vanessa to be surprised and if you tell me, I'll just, like, ruin everything.

Ultrasound Technician Are Mark and Vanessa your friends at school?

Juno No, no, no. They're the adoptive parents.

Ultrasound Technician Oh, well, thank goodness for that.

Bren (outraged) What the hell's that supposed to mean?

Ultrasound Technician (uncomfortably) I just see a lot of teenage mothers come through here, and it's obviously a poisonous environment to raise a baby in.

Juno How do you know I'm so poisonous? What if these adoptive parents turn out to be, like, evil molesters?

Leah Or, like, stage parents.

Bren They could be utterly negligent. Maybe they'll do a far shittier job of raising a kid than my dumbass step-daughter would. Have you considered that?

Ultrasound Technician I guess not.

Bren What is your job title exactly?

Ultrasound Technician I'm an ultrasound technician, ma'am.

Bren Well, I'm a nail technician and I think we both ought to just stick to what we know.

Ultrasound Technician Excuse me?

Bren Oh, you think you're so special because you get to play Picture Pages up there? Well, my five year old daughter could do that and let me tell you, she's not the brightest bulb in the tanning bed. So why don't you go back to night school in Mantino and learn a real trade?

Juno Bren! You’s a dick! I love it!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Juno

Contemplating Adoption and Its Consequences

Juno I was thinking I could, like, have this baby and give it to someone that like totally needs it; like a woman with a bum ovary or a couple of nice lesbos.

Leah But then you're gonna get, like, huge, and your chest is gonna "milktate," and you're gonna have to, like, tell people that you're pregnant.

Juno Yeah, but maybe they'll, like, canonize me for being so selfless.

Leah Or maybe they'll, like, totally shit and be really, really mad and not let you graduate or go to Cabo for Spring Break.

Juno I was gonna go to Gettysburg with Bleeker, anyway.

Leah You should look at adoption ads. I see them all the time in the PennySaver.

Juno They have ads for parents?

Leah Yeah! "Desperately Seeking Spawn." Right next to, like, terriers and iguanas and used fitness equipment and stuff. It's, like, totally legit.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Juno

Confession of Unexpected Feelings

Juno I think I'm in love with you.

Paulie You mean as friends?

Juno No, I mean for real. Cause you're, like, the coolest person I've ever met — and you don't even have to try, you know...

Paulie I try really hard, actually.

Juno You're, like, naturally smart and you're not like everyone else. You don't stare at my stomach all the time, you look at my face and every time I see you, the baby starts kicking super hard.

Paulie It does?

Paulie Wizard.

Juno I think it's cause my heart starts pounding every time I see you.

Paulie Mine too.

Juno That's all I could ask for. You're gold, man.

Paulie Can we make out now?

Juno Yeah.

[kisses him]

Leah (seeing them) Hey, you know, you can go into early labor sucking face like that!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Juno

Uncertainty and Misunderstanding Among Friends

Juno So, I'm not really sure how I'm gonna spit this out...

Bren Hon, did you get expelled?

Juno No. The school would most likely contact you in the event of my expulsion.

Bren Well, I was just asking; it seemed plausible enough, given your record of generally being the worst human in existence.

Mac What do you need, a large amount of money? Legal council? Need to pay off a Mexican drug lord?

Juno No, I'm not asking for anything... except for maybe mercy. Like, it would be friggin sweet if no one hit me.

Mac Well, what have you done, Junebug? Did you hit someone with the Previa?

Leah Dude, I think it's best to just tell em.

[to Juno]

Juno ...I'm pregnant.

Bren Oh, God.

Juno But, uh ah, I'm going to give it up for adoption and I already found the perfect couple. They're going to pay for the medical expenses and everything. And in... what, ah... thirty-odd weeks, we can just pretend that this never happened.

Mac You're pregnant?

Juno I'm sorry. I'm sorry... And if it's any consolation, I have heartburn that's radiating in my knee caps and I haven't taken a dump since Wednesday... morning!

Bren I didn't even know that you were sexually active.

Juno I, uh...

Mac Who is the kid?

Juno The-the baby? I don't really know much about it other than, I mean, it has fingernails, allegedly.

Bren Nails, really?

Juno Yeah!

Mac No, I know. I mean, who's the father, Juno?

Juno Umm... It's Paulie Bleeker.

Mac Paulie Bleeker?

[in amusement]

Juno What?

Mac I didn't think he had it in him!

Leah I know, right?

Mac All right, this is no laughing matter.

Juno No, it's not... and, you know, Paulie is actually great... in, uh... in chair.

Juno

Unexpected Encounters and Unpleasant Experiences

Leah Dude, what are you doing here!? I'm supposed to come get you at 4.

Juno I couldn't do it, Leah! It smelled like a dentist office in there, and there were these horrible magazines with water stains. And then the friggin receptionist is trying to give me these condoms that look like grape suckers, and just babbling away about her friggin boyfriend's pie balls.

[pacing]

Leah Yum!

Juno And Su-Chin was there, and she was like, "Oh hi! Babies have fingernails." Fingernails!

Leah That's gruesome. You think the baby can scratch your vag on the way out?

Dredd

Rookie Anderson's Academy Score Discussion

Chief Judge Her final Academy score put her three percentile points below a pass.

Judge Dredd So what's she doing in a uniform?

Chief Judge Rookie Anderson.

[To an intercom]

Cassandra Anderson Sir.

Chief Judge What can you tell me about the person I am with?

Cassandra Anderson Male. Another Judge. I can feel anger. And control. But.....there's something else. Something....behind the control. Something... almost...

Chief Judge Thank you, Anderson. That will do.

Judge Dredd She's a mutant.

Chief Judge The Judges Council have chosen to overlook her status. You will, too. She's the most powerful psychic we've ever come across by a huge margin. The Judges are losing the war for the city. We believe she could be a major asset. As I said, her final score was only three points below a pass. It's marginal.

Judge Dredd It's not marginal. She failed.

Chief Judge The girl's getting one more chance. I want you to take her out. Give her one day in the field, supervised. See if she makes the grade. Sink or swim. Chuck her in the deep end.

Judge Dredd It's all the deep end.

Juno

Humor Amid Serious Conversations in Juno

Leah Yo, yo, yiggity yo.

[on the phone]

Juno I'm a suicide risk.

Leah Juno?

Juno No, it's Morgan Freeman. Do you have any bones that need collecting?

[sarcastically]

Leah Only the one in my pants!