Patrick Labyorteaux Quotes

Fester Open up the cash register. That's right, dude. Us three bone heads are sticking you up. Open up that register before I have to get nasty.

Fester Excuse me, sir. Could I please use your telephone?

Fester Okay, Marcia Brady or Laurie Partridge?

Hammer Rather do Laurie.

Fester Cool. Okay, Cheryl Ladd or Farrah Fawcett?

Hammer Tanya Roberts, dude.

Fester Okay, none of you little dudes move until those two dudes get back!

Fester Hey, dude. What time does school get out?

Hammer I don't know. I never stayed to the end.

Heather McNamara Oh God, this is a tragic thing, and sometimes I have a hard time dealing with it and stuff. Please send Heather to Heaven and all that.

Peter Dawson Dear God, please make sure this never happens to me, cause I don't think I can handle suicide. Plus, early acceptance into an Ivy League school and please let it be Harvard. Amen.

Ram Sweeney Jesus, God in Heaven, why did you have to kill such hot snatch? It's a joke, man. Jeez, people are so serious. Hail Mary, who aren't in heaven, pray for all us sinners so we don't get caught. —Another joke, man.

Heather Duke I prayed for the death of Heather Chandler many times, and I felt bad every time I did it, but I kept doing it anyway. Now I know you understood everything. Praise Jesus! Hallelujah!

Veronica Sawyer Hi, I'm sorry. Technically I did not kill Heather Chandler, but hey, who am I trying to kid, right? I just want my high school to be a nice place. Amen. Did that sound bitchy?

Fester Marcus, score us some nacho chips and some radical salsa.

Marcus Dude!

Fester None of that green stuff.

Fester This kidnapping is so much better than armed robbery.

Hammer Yeah, I never got a pizza on a robbery.

Fester Alright. Operation: Kick Butt is about to commence. Synchronize watches.

Hammer What time is it?

Fester I don't know, anybody got a watch?