Peter Capaldi Quotes

In the Loop

Confronting Conflict with Harsh Critique

Malcolm Tucker Climb the mountain of conflict"? You know what you sounded like? You sounded like a fucking Nazi ]!

[[Julie Andrews]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

In the Loop

Media Forces of Darkness and Consequences

Malcolm Tucker I will marshal all the media forces of darkness to hound you to an assisted suicide.

[to Simon Foster]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

In the Loop

A Lesson in Direct Communication

Malcolm Tucker Hey, foetus boy, lesson one: If I tell you to fuck off, what do you do?

[to Toby]

Toby Wright Umm... Eff off?

Malcolm Tucker You'll go far! Now fuck off.

Toby Wright Right.

[leaves the room]

Simon Foster Judy and I were thinking that I could row back on Question Time tonight—

Malcolm Tucker You're not going on Question Time, you've been disinvited.

Simon Foster We've been prepping Question Time!

Judy Molloy Why wasn't I told about this?

Malcolm Tucker Why the fuck would I tell you it?! I've told you to fuck off twice, and yet you're still here!

Judy Molloy You should tell me about it because it's a scheduled media appearance by this department's secretary of state, so therefore it falls well within my purview!

Malcolm Tucker Within your purview"?

Judy Molloy Yes!

Malcolm Tucker Where do you think you are, in some fucking regency costume drama?! This is a government department! Not a fucking ] novel!

[[Jane Austen|Jane fucking Austen]

Simon Foster Malcolm...

Malcolm Tucker Allow me to pop a jaunty little bonnet on your "purview" and ram it up the shitter with a lubricated horse-cock!

Judy Molloy Your swearing does not impress me. My husband works for Tower Hamlets and believe me, those kids make you sound like... ]!

[[w:Angela Lansbury|Angela Lansbury]

Malcolm Tucker She's married? Poor bastard.

[to Simon]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

In the Loop

The Unpredictability of War

Simon Foster Well, personally, I think that war is unforeseeable.

[In a radio interview]

Malcolm Tucker Sam! Sam!

Eddie Mair Unforeseeable"?

[On radio]

Simon Foster Yes.

[On radio]

Malcolm Tucker No, you do not think that! Sam, I'm going to have to go to International Development and pull Simon Foster's fucking hair.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

In the Loop

Agreement in a Moment of Decision

Malcolm Tucker Yeah, ]. Yeah, I like that.

[[w:The Diary of a Nobody|diarrhea of a nobody]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

In the Loop

Work Ethic and Exhaustion in Politics

Malcolm Tucker You sure you're working as hard as me? Cause I'm sweating spinal fluid here! I'm a fucking husk!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

In the Loop

Confrontation in a Tense Political Setting

Malcolm Tucker I'm sorry... I don't... This situation here... Is this it? No offense, son, but you look like you should still be at school with your head down a fucking toilet.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

In the Loop

Escalating Tensions in a Frustrating Situation

Simon Foster Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK! Why didn't we nail the line?!

Judy Molloy Simon, I did try to warn you.

Simon Foster Yes! Yes! You did try to warn me, but you don't actually stop me, did you?!

Judy Molloy I can't tackle you to the ground!

Simon Foster That's like shouting "Train!" as someone gets hit by a train! You should go, "Train! It's a fucking train!

Judy Molloy Bollocks!

[her phone rings]

Simon Foster Fuck, it's Malcolm!

[his phone rings also]

Judy Molloy Mine's Malcolm, too.

Simon Foster How does he do that?

Malcolm Tucker Simon, I don't like finding out about people employed by this government via the news unless they've just died. Be here, now!

[talking on two mobiles]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

In the Loop

Malcolm Tucker's Frustration with Simon

Malcolm Tucker Christ on a bendy-bus, Simon, don't be such a fucking faff-arse.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

In the Loop

Coup d'état with goons available

Malcolm Tucker We've got enough ] goons to stage a fucking coup d'etat.

[[The Pentagon|Pentagon]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

In the Loop

Unexpected Visitor Arrives Without Warning

Simon Foster Who was that?

Judy Molloy Malcolm. He's coming to see you.

Simon Foster Oh shit, he's still alive. When's he due?

Malcolm Tucker Now. And don't say you weren't prepared, because I rang ahead.

[Entering the room]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

In the Loop

A Bold Expression of Frustration

Malcolm Tucker Kiss my sweaty balls, you fat fuck!

[to the Passer-by]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

In the Loop

Witty Banter Across Time Zones

Malcolm Tucker I'm here, I'm there, I'm fucking everywhere. ]

[[w:I_Am_The_Walrus|I'm the egg man.]

Simon Foster Have you come to insult me in a different timezone?

In the Loop

Malcolm Tucker's Frustration and Demands

Malcolm Tucker I'm not holding any longer. What's he waiting for, a fucking sex change? NO, YOU RELAX! Get me fucking Brian! If you don't get me fucking Brian, I'm gonna come over there, I'm gonna lock you in a fucking flotation tank, and pump it full of sewage until you fucking drown!

[On mobile phone]

In the Loop

Threatening Expression of Frustration

Malcolm Tucker You know, if I could, I'd fucking punch you into paralysis!

[to Simon Foster]

In the Loop

Malcolm Tucker's Dark Humor on Betrayal

Malcolm Tucker Okay, okay, go ahead and print "unforeseeable." Listen, see when I tell your wife about you and Angela Heaney at the Blackpool conference, what would be best? An email, a phone call, what? Hey! I could write it on a cake with those little silver balls: "Your hack husband betrayed you on October the 4th and congratulations on the new baby." Yeah, maybe it's better to spike it. Yeah, okay, fuckity-bye!

[On mobile phone]

In the Loop

Insulting Charm in Diplomatic Discourse

Malcolm Tucker Mr Ambassador, with your big baldy head, you are spoiling us!

[to Sir Jonathan Tutt]

In the Loop

Confronting Boredom with Brutal Honesty

Malcolm Tucker You know, I've come across a lot of psychos, but none as fucking boring as you! I mean, you are a real boring fuck! Sorry, I know you disapprove of the swearing, so I'll sort that. You are a boring F-star-star-CUNT.

[to Linton Barwick]

In the Loop

Unpredictability Described by Malcolm Tucker

Malcolm Tucker In the words of the late great ], unforeseeable, that's what you are.

[to Simon Foster; [Nat King Cole|Nat King fucking Cole]

In the Loop

Rehearsing Detachment in Political Discourse

Malcolm Tucker Karen Clark will want you to say that war is unforeseeable, and Linton Barwick will want you to talk about the "climb the mountain of conflict" line. You say nothing, okay? You stay detached, otherwise that's what I'll do to your retinas.

Simon Foster Right, can I go to bed now, please?

Malcolm Tucker No, no, no, no, no! You're gonna stay here, and you're gonna rehearse saying nothing!

Simon Foster Am I being tortured?

Memorable Quotes from Peter Capaldi