Memorable Quotes from Rachael Harris
8 quotesBathroom Door Concerns in Family Dynamics
Susan Heffley
Greg. Two words: Bathroom… door.
[enters Greg's room; sternly to Greg]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Miscommunication About Travel Plans in Las Vegas
Melissa
I called that bed and breakfast in Napa. They said they had no record of you even checking in.
Stu
That's cause we didn't go to Napa.
Melissa
Stu, what the fuck is going on?
Stu
We went to Las Vegas.
Melissa
Oh, really? Las Vegas? Why would you go to Las Vegas?
Stu
Cause my best friend was getting married, and that's what guys do.
Melissa
Uh-huh?
Stu
Yeah.
Melissa
That's not what you do.
Stu
Really? Well, then, why did I do it?! Huh?! Cause I did it! Riddle me that! Why'd I do it?! You know, sometimes I think all you want me to do is what you want me to do. Well, I'm sick of doing what you want me to do all the time. I think, in a healthy relationship, sometimes a guy should be able to do what he wants to do.
Melissa
That is not how this works!
Stu
Oh, good! Because whatever this is ain't workin for me!
Melissa
Oh, really?
Stu
Yeah!
Melissa
Since when?!
Stu
Since you fucked that waiter on your cruise last June! BOOM!!!
Alan
You told me it was a bartender.
Stu
Oh. You're right. I stand corrected. It was a bartender. You fucked a bartender.
Melissa
You're an idiot.
Stu
You're a-- You... You're... such a bad person! Like, all the way through to your core!
[struggles]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Jacket Jokes and Advice in Tension
Ann Hogan
Ease up on him!
[after Phil reprimands Byong Sun for missing the net on a kick]
Phil Weston
You ease up on that corduroy jacket of yours!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Understanding Shyness Through Literature
Ann Hogan
Byong Sun is very shy - this book really helped us to deal with it, so you're probably gonna want to give it a glance.
Phil Weston
My Child is Shy". Thanks. I'm sorry, who's your son?
[reading title; pause]
Donna Jones
Byong Sun.
Phil Weston
Oh, I see. Actually, I don't see, I'm sorry. Oh wait, now I see! Wow!
[pause; realizing they are lesbians]
Ann Hogan
We're at all the games, unlike a lot of the other parents.
Phil Weston
No no, not like the other parents at all! You're better than the other parents.
Ambrose's Dad
Oh, so they're better?
Phil Weston
No, they're different.
Donna Jones
What do you mean "different"?
Phil Weston
I mean, you're different because you're better.
Ambrose's Dad
How are they better?
Phil Weston
You're both better different... in a different but better way!
Ann Hogan
Uh.. okay.
[she and Donna walk away]
Ambrose's Dad
It's a little early to start playing favorites, Phil.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Coaching a Shy Child's Name Inquiry
Ann Hogan
Hi, Coach Ditka? Hi. Um, our son, Byong Sun, he's very shy, and I was just wondering if you could, uh..?
[asking Ditka for an autograph]
Ditka
Yeah, sure, be glad to. How do you spell it?
Ann
Byong Sun. B-Y-...
Ditka
I think I got it.
[hands back the paper]
Ann Hogan
Oh, okay. Thank you.
[she and Donna walk away]
Ditka
Bye-bye.
Phil
Yeah, they're great.
Ditka
Just a wonderful couple.
Donna Jones
]?
[walking away looking at autograph; [Inside Out (2015 film)|Bing Bong]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Nostalgia for Youthful Memories and Celebrations
Susan Heffley
Oh, honey, hi! Remember when we were young like this? And we used to dance and go to parties and stuff like that?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Struggling with Expectations and Public Embarrassment
Susan Heffley
What did I say about being civil to one another?! That's all I asked of you! Well, you have blown it big time! Never been more embarrassed. Everyone we know was there. I have no idea how I'm gonna write my column this week. I feel like a complete fraud!
[as time passes; emotionally]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Need for Personal Space and Privacy
Susan Heffley
Rodrick, I've lived in this house for 10 years. I've locked that door 10,000 times because sometimes it's my only moment of privacy of the day. I know there was a lock on that door.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.