Randy Quaid Quotes

The Last Detail

Authority and Rebellion in a Bar Setting

Buddusky I am the motherfucking shore patrol, motherfucker! I am the motherfucking shore patrol! Give this man a beer.

Meadows I don't want a beer.

Buddusky You're gonna have a fuckin beer!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

The Last Detail

Life's Surprising Experiences and Perspectives

Meadows Are they really doing that when they take that picture?

[looking at porn]

Buddusky Well kid, there's more things in this life than you can possibly imagine. I knew a whore once in Wilmington. She had a glass eye... used to take it out and wink people off for a dollar.

[pause]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

Cousin Eddie's Warning About the Dog

Cousin Eddie He's cute ain't he? Only problem is, he's got a little bit a "Mississippi leg hound" in im. If the mood catches him right, he'll grab your leg and just go to town. You don't want him around if you're wearing short pants, if you know what I mean. Word of warning though, if he does lay into ya, it's best to just let im finish.

[about Snot]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Caddyshack II

Power Restoration Inquiry with Humor

Peter Blunt That's hard to say, huh? Well, when can we get the power turned back on? That's hard to say, huh? Well, tell me something. Is it as hard to say as "Oh, my god! Somebody help me! There's a man in my office with a flamethrower"?

[on the phone, after Chandler Young has gotten Hartounian Construction's power turned off]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

Cousin Eddie's RV Acquisition Statement

Cousin Eddie That right there is a RV, I got it off my buddy of mine. He took my house, I took the RV.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Vegas Vacation

Cousin Eddie’s Unconventional Kidney Sale

Cousin Eddie Oh, yeah. That's from when I sold my kidney. I figured with all the advancements in modern science, I'd better sell it while someone still wanted to buy it. Smartest thing I ever did, Clark.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Black Cadillac

Unraveling Tension in a Dangerous Ride

Robby Why is this happening to us?

Charlie I don't know why this is happening. I just wanted a ride home.

Robby They want us dead, Scott.

Scott They don't want us dead, Robby. They want him. Hey, Charlie. How come you were so hot for me to drag those guys in the Caddy, huh? And why didn't you flash your badge when we were sitting back there? You wanted to get away from them, didn't you?

Robby Jesus Christ, Scott. What are you doing?

Scott Look, before we picked up Charlie, nobody was trying to run us off the road, nobody was scratching this spooky biblical crap on the windshield. After we pick him up there's nothing but this shit. They want you for your sins. Isn't that right, Charlie?

C.J. Yeah, the message on the windshield-- I'm not one to judge, Chuckster, but what'd you do?

Scott Hey, whatever it is... you're not dragging us down with you.

Charlie No. You're going back to Yale.

Scott That's right, Charlie. And you're staying here. Come on, guys, let's go.

Robby Have you lost your mind? We can't just leave him here for the Caddy out in the cold. He's a cop. Jesus, Scott- a cop!

Scott Here's a flash, chief: he's a bad cop. and whatever bad-cop shit he did to those guys is between their ass and his, and not mine.

Robby Look, I say we give him a ride. It's just a couple more miles.

Scott This is not a democracy. He stays.

Charlie My young friends, this is something you're going to have to live with! We all have nights where we reveal. This is yours.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

The Wraith

Mysterious Disappearance in a Chaotic Situation

Sheriff Loomis Kind of a mess now, don't you think?

Rughead The Gutterboy and Skank... They were... they were right there. And it's like they vaporized! They were adiosed by the kid in the turbo. I warned em! I warned em!

Loomis What are you trying to say, boy?

Rughead That Skank and Gutterboy were in there when the place blew. I know it seems impossible. I didn't know they had a kid in the car. I didn't know it was Jamie Hankins till he came up missing.

[coughs; cries]

Loomis So, what you're telling me is that Packard and the others killed Jamie Hankins?

Rughead Jamie Hankins was here the other night with a shotgun!

Loomis A dead kid with a shotgun?

Rughead I seen his eyes, Loomis. I seen his eyes... And I got a real bad feeling.

Loomis Bad feelings don't add up to resurrections, buddy. If it was Jamie Hankins, why'd they kill him off in the first place?

Rughead I've been too scared to say nothin'. Packard hated Jamie. Packard hates everybody. He hates me. I don't wanna get killed over something I had nothing to do with. Not now.

Loomis You go on home now and... You stay there till you hear from me, eh?

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Black Cadillac

Cold Night Conversations in Wisconsin

Robby Boy, it's cold out there.

Charlie Hell, you can say that again. Coldest night on record for this time of year and my cruiser freezes to death on me. I gotta be the only cop left in the universe still driving an 86 Chevy. Charlie Harmon.

Robby Oh, Robby, Robby-- Robertson.

Charlie Yeah, so, you guys from Minnesota? Plates. Well, welcome to Wisconsin. This is a nice car. What kind of car is this?

[Scott, Robby and C.J. all look at Charlie]

Robby It's a Saab. A Saab 900S. Whew! Ain't she killer?

Charlie Yeah. So what brings you boys to the Dairy State?

C.J. We're... on our high school debate team.

Charlie Oh.

C.J. Yeah, we just got back from quarterfinals of...

Scott The Midwest Regional--

C.J. Debate-off.

Charlie Oh. How'd y'all do?

Scott Oh, we won.

C.J. Yeah, and next week, on to the semis.

Charlie There you go.

Robby Where did those come from? You guys! Have you been drinking?!

[trying to seem surprised]

Charlie All right, everybody. Knock it off. "Debate-off." Look, you guys saved my sorry ass tonight and I'm off-duty, so just relax, all right? And you- selling out your pals, you little weasel!

[laughs]

C.J. Yeah, you little dipstick.

Scott Yeah, nice brother you are.

Charlie So what did you boys do tonight? Did you go to the roadhouse?

Robby Hey, how'd you know that?

Charlie Son, I, too, was once underage.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Not Another Teen Movie

Concern Over Drinking and Driving

Mr. Briggs Hey, uhh…I might be late to pick you guys up.

Janey Why, do you have a job interview today, daddy?

Mr. Briggs No, honey, I'll probably just be wa-a-a-ay too drunk.

Janey Oh, that's good, we don't want you drinking and driving.

Mr. Briggs Oh, I'll be driving. I'll just be too shit-faced to remember to pick you guys up.

Janey Okay, bye, daddy.

Mr. Briggs Bye, Pumpkin.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

The Adventures of Pluto Nash

A Conversation About Robot Models

Mogan Hey, Bruno. What are you? A65?

Bruno Model 63. Deluxe.

Mogan 63? Talk about ancient.

Bruno Your sister didn't seem to mind.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

The Adventures of Pluto Nash

Compatibility Issues in Relationships

Pluto So, how's it going with you and Babbet?

Bruno Me and Babbet? I don't think that's going to happen. I found out that I'm 110 volts and she's a 220.

Pluto Just go to the hardware store and get an adaptor.

Bruno Nah, that just ruins it for me.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

The Last Detail

Unexpected Party Expectations and Reactions

Meadows Drop your socks and grab your cocks, we're going to a party.

Buddusky If this kid gets pussy out of this, I'll eat my fucking flat hat, man.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle

Cappy's Concern for Bullwinkle's Safety

Cappy von Trapment Bullwinkle, don't watch! Bullwinkle! Oh, no, not you, too!

[to Bullwinkle, while wearing his mask and headphones at the White House]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

National Lampoon's Vacation

A Family Request for Financial Help

Cousin Eddie I got laid off when they closed that asbestos factory, and wouldn't you know it, the army cuts my disability pension because they said that the plate in my head wasn't big enough.

Aunt Edna Why don't you just ask him for the money, Eddie? He sure as hell can't take a hint.

Cousin Eddie Well, I didn't want to ask you, Clark, you know, but could you maybe spare a little extra cash?

Clark Sure, Eddie, how much do you need?

[pulling some 20s out of his wallet]

Cousin Eddie About $52,000.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Vegas Vacation

Cousin Eddie's Devotion to Family

Cousin Eddie Do you need a bodyguard? I'd die for you!

[to Wayne Newton]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

The Last Detail

Timing and Priorities Among Friends

Mulhall We'd better catch that train.

Buddusky We still got time for a beer.

Mulhall Now wait a minute, man...

Meadows I ain't old enough.

Buddusky Ain't old enough for what?

Meadows For a beer.

Buddusky Everybody's old enough for a beer. Ain't that right, Mule?

Mulhall Yeah.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Vegas Vacation

Cousin Eddie's Love for Uban Coffee

Cousin Eddie Ahh Uban Coffee you know you can sprinkle that stuff on anything, ice cream, mashed potatoes or just eat it straight out of the can for a quick pick me up.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

The Last Detail

A Moment of Quick Decision

Young Whore Jesus Christ! That's what I call quick.

Buddusky You wanna try it again, kid?

Meadows Yeah.

Buddusky Okay, honey.

[to prostitute]

Mulhall Don't worry about it, kid... plenty more where that came from.

Buddusky We got all night, kid.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

The Gift That Keeps on Giving

Cousin Eddie Clark, that's the gift that keeps on giving the whole year.

[after finding out that Clark has received a "Jelly of the Month" club membership in place of a bonus]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Vegas Vacation

Cousin Eddie's Impressive Tomato Harvest

Cousin Eddie My garden's spittin out 50-lb tomatoes.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

Cousin Eddie's Inquiry About the Chair

Cousin Eddie Clark, I'd like to try to fumigate this here chair, it's a good quality item. If you don't mind my askin', how much did she set you back?

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

The Last Detail

Questioning the Value of Chanting

Meadows If you're Catholic, do you think it's, uh, sacrilegious to chant?

Buddusky Did it get you laid?

Meadows No.

Buddusky Then Meadows, what the fuck do you want to go on chanting for?

Mulhall Chant your ass off, kid. But any pussy you get in this world, you gonna have to pay for, one way or another.

Buddusky Hallelujah!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle

Confusion Over Names in Dialogue Scene

Cappy von Trapment Bullwinkle, allow me to be frank.

Bullwinkle OK, Frank, allow me to be Bullwinkle.

Cappy "Frank" von Trapment I'm Cappy Von Trapment, FBI.

[shaking Bullwinkle's hand]

Bullwinkle I thought you said your name was Frank.

Frank Shut up, Bullwinkle!

Bullwinkle OK, Frank.

Frank As we speak, 99% of the country is slobbering in front of the television.

Bullwinkle What's so strange about that?

Frank Listen to me! We haven't heard from Karen. I think she and Rocky are in terrible danger. Let's get you to New York!

Bullwinkle I thought this was New York.

Frank No, Bullwinkle, that's Washington out there! That's Washington!

Bullwinkle Really? Where's that little white wig he always wears?

[looking at President Signoff]

Frank Oh, it's no use.

[annoyed]

Caddyshack II

Questioning the Name of Golf

Peter Blunt Golf, golf... what kinda name is "golf" anyway? Sounds like a sound you make when you've got something caught in your throat.

Vegas Vacation

Cousin Eddie's Inquiry About Swimming with Dolphins

Cousin Eddie Clark, have you ever tried to swim with the dolphins?

Vegas Vacation

Cousin Eddie Calls for a Round-Up

Cousin Eddie Hey, kids. Round-up time!

Vegas Vacation

Cousin Eddie on Family Traits

Cousin Eddie Aw, she's got her mother's looks and her daddy's sense of balance.

Caddyshack II

Peter Blunt's Unconventional Approach to Conflict

Peter Blunt Well, you certainly made it very clear how your legal system works Mr. Young. Now, I'd like to explain a little bit about the Peter Blunt system. You see, I don't go in for lawsuits and motions or any of the legal stuff. No, no, you see what happens is, uh, I find out where you live and then I come to your house, see? And I beat down your door with a fucking baseball bat! And, then I make a bonfire with the Chipendale, maybe roast that Golden Retriever, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, then eat it! And then I'm coming upstairs, junior, and I'm gonna grab you by your Brooks Bros. P.J.s, and then I'm gonna take your brand new B.M.W., and cram it up your tight ass! Do we have an understanding?

The Last Detail

Understanding Emotions in Complex Relationships

Meadows After... after... well maybe it was an act for her. I mean I know she was a whore. But I think she liked me.

Buddusky They got feelings just like everybody else, kid; she probably did.

Meadows Well, it was real for me. That's what counts.

Brokeback Mountain

Confrontations and Accusations Among Friends

Alma Del Mar You didn't go up there to fish!

Alma Del Mar Don't try and fool me no more, Ennis. I know what it means. Jack Twist? Jack Nasty!

Joe Aguirre You boys sure found a way to make the time pass up there. Twist, you guys wasn't gettin paid to leave the dogs babysittin the sheep while you ].

[[wiktionary:stem the rose|stem the rose]

Lureen Newsome What are you waitin for, cowboy? ...a mating call?

Cassie Cartwright You don't say much but you get your point across.

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

Sailing Down the Hill with Government Plastic

Cousin Eddie I don't know if I oughta go sailin down no hill with nothin between the ground and my brain but a piece of government plastic.

The Last Detail

Exploring Perspectives on Anger and Reaction

Meadows Hey, you guys mind if I say somethin'? That guy at the bar, why did you get so mad at him? I don't blame him not givin me a beer.

Buddusky Hey, don't you never get mad at nobody?

Meadows Well, sure I do, yeah.

Mulhall Who do you get mad at?

Meadows Not at somebody who's doing their job.

Buddusky Who, then?

Meadows Injustice.

Buddusky Bullshit! You never get mad at nobody. You're just a pussy!

Meadows I do too get mad.

Mulhall Did you ever get mad at the old man for what he done to you?

Meadows Well, he was just...

Buddusky ...doin his job. Hey, they're gonna take eight years outta your life, man.

Meadows Six years. You said six!

Buddusky Hey, what the fuck difference does it make? You don't even care about it.

Mulhall Come on, Badass, that don't help him.

Buddusky Fuck help, fuck fair! Fuck injustice! Don't you ever just wanna fuckin whomp and stomp on someone, bite off their ear, just to do it...? I mean just to do it, just to get it out of your system?

National Lampoon's Vacation

Preferences on Buns and Kool-Aid

Cousin Eddie How do you like yours, Clark?

Clark Oh, medium rare, a little pink inside.

Cousin Eddie No, I mean your bun. Light or dark?

Clark Oh, either way, doesn’t matter. Vicki can I help you with that Kool-Aid? Please?

[noticing Vicki mixing Kool-Aid with her arm in the jar]

Cousin Eddie I don't know why they call this stuff hamburger helper. It does just fine by itself, huh? I like it better than tuna helper myself, don't you, Clark?

Clark You're the gourmet around here, Ed! No meat in this?

[to Ellen]

Ellen You get plenty of meat at home. Be polite, have some ketchup.

Clark Real tomato ketchup, Eddie?

[looking at raw tomato paste]

Cousin Eddie Oh, nothing but the best! Aunt Edna! Helper’s gettin’ cold!

Clark Is that your Aunt Edna?

[looking shocked]

Memorable Quotes from Randy Quaid