Reece Thompson Quotes

Bobby Funke Mathematically, it's a percentage of your life: 4 years, 48 months, 1,461 days. High school is prom, football games, boyfriends, girlfriends, party at the rich kid's house. Fun, simple, wholesome. But it's really anything but. High school might be the least wholesome 4 years of your life. And there's nothing simple about it. High school is ugly, hard and complicated. As complicated as a conspiracy to assassinate the president. A conspiracy about to be uncovered...

Bobby Funke Their alibis were like dutch ovens - gamy, but air tight.

Thurston What do you think of our fine town this far?

Caroline Um... Mm.

Thurston Well, we're waiting.

Caroline I think it's a stupefyingly friendly place full of wholesome, God-fearing, gun-bearing... folk.

Thurston It's not all that bad. Just gotta give people a chance.

Caroline Are you... are you high? There's more incest in this town than in an ] film.

Thurston Who?

Caroline I said there's a lot of incest here.

Francesca Fachini I think you need to come home with me.

Bobby Funke You know, I'm concerned about the lack of parental supervision at your house.

Francesca Fachini Yeah? You want to be my daddy?

Bobby Funke Hey, Francesca.

Francesca Fachini Hey, Funke.

Bobby Funke So, what are you doing in the men's room?

Francesca Fachini Well, I thought I might find a man in here. Are you a man, Funke? I'm just screwing with you. I just need your help.

Bobby Funke With what?

Francesca Fachini Whoever stole the SATs. I need you to find them and get them back. I aced that thing, I know it. I was just in the zone.

Bobby Funke You want to know the truth about high school? You've got to break it down into its elements. Unfortunately, at St. Donovan's, the periodic table is more crooked than a case of scoliosis. Just give me the chance and I'll set it all straight. Case in point, Spanish homework. Dame un batido de esperma" does not mean, "Take me to the airport." It means, "Give me a sperm milkshake." And 22 kids gave that as an answer in Spanish 3 last week. I'm not sure about the milkshake, but somebody is sure feeding us something sticky. Every clique on campus is copying the same damn homework. Burn-outs, pretty boys, drama-dorks, jocks, debaters, player-haters, you name it. Oh, it's big, all right. And I'm on it like pink rubber bands on your little sister's braces. The name's Bobby Funke. I write for the paper.

Francesca Fachini I wanted to thank you for finding the SATs. And for showing me what a douche Paul really is. See, the thing is, I seem to have lost my date to homecoming, and I wanted to know if you'd go with me.

Bobby Funke You wanna go to homecoming with me?

Francesca Fachini Well, not like "go" go. I mean, not like for real.

Bobby Funke Yeah.

Francesca Fachini It's just everyone already has a date.

Bobby Funke Right.

Francesca Fachini Except for the mathletes...and maybe that wrestler with the jock itch on his face. So yeah...The only person I can go with is you.

Bobby Funke I still don't see why you wanna go with me.

Francesca Fachini Yeah, why not? I mean, you're like the school's ] now.

Bobby Funke Wolf Blitzer's like a TV reporter. I'm into ].

Francesca Fachini You already have a date?

Bobby Funke What? No. I just...

Francesca Fachini Great. Then you can pick me up at 8:00. And no wrist corsages. Get the kind with the pin. I don't mind a little prick every once in a while.

Francesca Fachini You think I'm a bitch, don't you? I mean, you can be honest. I don't care either way. I'm just curious. Do you think I'm a bitch?

Bobby Funke Kind of.

Francesca Fachini Seriously?

Bobby Funke Well, I mean, no, like I thought you were, but... and then...I don't know. Now, I think that maybe you're just misunderstood.

Francesca Fachini Nobody's misunderstood. That's just what people say when they don't like who they are. If you think I'm a bitch, then I guess it's because I am. But then I guess you're going to have to come to terms with the fact that you're into a girl who's a bitch.

Bobby Funke ] said, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." But 10 bucks says Nietzsche never got a ].

Ricky Delacruz Hey, you light on your feet, Funke. That's good.

Bobby Funke Thanks.

Ricky Delacruz But we notice you having a problem out there.

Bobby Funke I do? What?

Ricky Delacruz It's your hard-on.

Alex Schneider Yeah, that close to a girl like her, it's natural.

Bobby Funke I didn't realize it was so obvious.

Ricky Delacruz What you're gonna wanna do, okay, is you tuck that thing into the side of your boxer shorts, so it runs down the leg. That way you can contain it. It's like getting a stiff rod when you're taking a dump.

Alex Schneider A shit boner.

Ricky Delacruz Yeah. Then you got to jam it into the bowl like it owes you money. But you don't want to dunk it. It's not a clown. Down!

Alex Schneider But you also don't want to get the peepee on your shirt.

Principal Jared T. Kirkpatrick It's a no-win situation. At ease, gentlemen. Erections or otherwise.