Renée Zellweger Quotes

Jenny Now... I'm gonna leave... and nobody is gonna stop me... You sit the fuck down and shut up!

Ruby Thewes This war won't stand long. God won't let it stand this way long.

Debra No visible tattoos.

Gina No revealing clothing.

Debra We're both screwed. At least you're used to it.

Gina Oh now, Debra, don't be bitter, certainly with your ever growing collection of flesh mutilating silver appendages and your brand new Neo-Nazi boot camp makeover, the boys will come a-runnin'.

Debra Let's not fight, let's just rip

Ruby Thewes So, you have never wrapped your legs around this Inman?

Roxie Hart You were mentioned in the paper today, in the back with the obituaries. Velma Kelly's trial has been postponed indefinitely. Seven words.

Roxie Hart My audience loves me. And I love them. And they love me for lovin them and I love them for lovin me. And we love each other. And that's cause none of us got enough love in our childhoods. And that's showbiz, kid.

Ruby Thewes If I cried one tear for my daddy I stole it off a crocodile!

Barbara Novak I'm not gonna storm out of here, Catch. And I'm not gonna admit that you got Barbara Novak to fall in love, because I'm not Barbara Novak. There is no Barbara Novak. And I didn't fall in love with Zip Martin. I fell in love with Catcher Block. And that was a year ago, when for three and a half weeks I worked as your secretary. I don't expect you to remember me, I wasn't a blond then. But you did ask me out. And it broke my heart to say no, but I loved you too much. I couldn't bear to become just another notch in your bedpost. With your dating habits I knew that even if I was lucky enough to get a regular spot on your rotating schedule, I would never have your undivided attention long enough for you to fall in love with me. I knew I had to do something to set myself apart. I knew I had to quit my job as your secretary, and write an international best-seller controversial enough to get the attention of a New York publisher as well as KNOW magazine, but insignificant enough that as long as I went unseen, KNOW magazine's star journalist would refuse to do a cover story about it. I knew that every time we were supposed to meet, you would get distracted by one of your many girlfriends and stand me up, and this would give me a reason to fight with you over the phone and declare that I wouldn't meet with you for a hundred years. And then all I would have to do was be patient and wait the two or three weeks it would take for everyone in the world to buy a copy of my best-seller, and then I would begin to get the publicity I would need for you to, one, see what I look like, and, two, see me denounce you in public as the worst kind of man. I knew that this would make you want get even by writing one of your exposés. And in order to do that, you would have to go undercover, assume a false identity and pretend to be the kind of man who would make the kind of girl I was pretending to be fall in love. And I knew that since I was pretending to be a girl who would have sex on the first date you would have pretend to be a man who wouldn't have sex for several dates. And in doing so, we would go out on lots of dates to all the best places and all the hit shows until finally, one night, you would take me back to your place that you were pretending was someone else's in order to get the evidence you needed to write your exposé. By seducing me until I said, "I love you." But saying "I love you" was also my plan. I just wanted to tell you the truth so that when you heard me say, "I love you" you would know that I knew who you were, and you would know who I was. Then you, the great Catcher Block, would know that you'd been beaten at your own game—by me, Nancy Brown, your former secretary. And I would have, once and for all, set myself apart from all the other girls you've known, all those other girls that you never really cared about, by making myself someone like the one person you really love and admire above all others: you. Then, when you realized that you had finally met your match, I would have at last gained the respect that would make you wanna marry me first and seduce me later. I just wanted you to hear all this from me before you heard it from your private eye.

Roxie Hart (Singing) Who says that murder's not an art?

Roxie Hart (Singing) You can like the life you're living, you can live the life you like. You can even marry Harry, and mess around with Ike!

Ruby Thewes I despise a flogging rooster.

Roxie Hart (At a press conference, protesting her innocence) I bet you want to know why I shot the bastard?

Gina Well, Sinead O'Rebellion. Shock me, shock me, shock me with that deviant behavior!

Debra God, that is so clever. You know, I swear you get smarter the shorter your skirt gets.

Gina And you get smarter the shorter your hair gets, so it's probably good you went with that. It's a wonderful look for you darling.

Rothman This... all of this... It's been an abomination. You really must accept my sincere apologies. It was supposed to be a spiritual experience. I can't tell you how... disappointed I am... I suppose it's something we all live with... raison d'être. It's never been easy for me. One of my many failings.

Jenny Fuck you.

Rothman Would you like to go to the local hospital... or to a police station?

Roxie Hart (Velma just sung "I Can't Do It Alone") So where was the part where you blew her brains out??

Vilmer Are we having a party or what? Here we go!

Jenny No, you can't do that! She has nothing to do with this!

Vilmer That doesn't matter. Fire in the hole! BURN! BURN! BURN! BUUUUURN! BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURN!

Darla Now why'd you have to do that? You know I can never get that smell outta my clothes.

Gina Attention Rex Manning fans, to your left you will notice a shoplifter being chased by night manager, Lucas. This young man will be caught, deep fried in a vat of hot oil and served to our first hundred customers. Just another tasty treat from the gang at Empire Records.

Jenny If you're gonna kill me then do it! I'm not gonna put up with any more of your crap. It's bullshit!

Roxie Hart Oh, and by the way, here's a piece of advice from me to you: lay off the caramels.

Roxie Hart This dress makes me look like a Woolworths lamp shade! I'm not wearing this dress!

Vilmer What are you gonna do? Shoot me?

Jenny Yeah... if you try something.

Vilmer What if I do this?

Roxie Hart (Singing) And that's good, isn't it? Grand, isn't it? Great, isn't it? Swell, isn't it? Fun, isn't it?

Roxie Hart (In a Southern accent) I was born on a beautiful Southern convent... (In a normal voice) Oh, holy shit! I'm never gonna get this straight!!!

Roxie Hart And then I started foolin around... and then I started screwin around, which is foolin around without dinner.

Ruby Thewes Every piece of this is man's bullshit. They call this war a cloud over the land, but they made the weather and then they stand in the rain and say, "Shit! Its rainin'!

Ruby Thewes Old Lady Swanger says you need help. Here I am!