Ronnie Masterson Quotes

Grandma Sheehan Wake up! Wake up! His First Communion, the happiest day of his life, and the lot of you still snoring in there! Here, you two, get up! Go on! Look at him! A bar of soap wouldn't be lost on him. I'll be red raw. I swear it's the Northern Ireland in you. It attracts the dirt. You've the dirty gob of your father. Aah! That's cold. Jesus, you have enough dirt in your ears to grow potatoes! Will you look at that mop?! It won't lie down! You didn't get this hair from our side of the family! ]! It's like, like what you'd see on a Presbyterian!

Frank Will you stop spitting on me?

Grandma A little spit won't kill you! If your mother had married a proper, decent Limerick man, you wouldn't have stand-up, North of Ireland, Protestant hair. And we wouldn't be late! Corpus Christi!

Frank Mam, can I go now and make the Collection? I want to go to the Lyric to see ].

Grandma Sheehan You can't make the Collection until you've had a proper First Communion breakfast at my house. Mam. Will you look at him? The manners of a pig. He eats like a Presbyterian. Is it a millionaire you think I am? An American? Is there any more tea in the pot, Mam? - Aye. - I could do with a cup. You all right, Frankie? - What's the matter, Frankie? What's wrong with that child? Look what he did! He's thrown up the body and blood of Jesus. What am I to do? I have God in me backyard! I'm taking you to the priest. That was a dreadful thing you did in my backyard.

Uncle Pa Keating Jesus, I said to meself, I have so much gas in my system, tis a great pity to waste it. So I shove a pipe up my arse, light a match to it... ...and there I have a fine flame ready to boil water in any billy can. The English come from trenches... to pay me any amount of money to boil their water.

Aunt Aggie That's no story to be telling in the presence of a dead child.

Grandma Sheehan Tis better than sitting with a long face.

Uncle Pa Keating I made so much money in the trenches that I was able to bribe the generals, who didn't normally give a fiddler's fart about the Irish, to let me out of the army, and off I went to ], where I had a fine time drinking wine... with the models and artists and talkin the lingo.

Aunt Aggie You think that's funny, do you?

Uncle Pa Keating I had a great time over there.

Grandma Sheehan I've got God in me backyard!

Grandma Sheehan ] or ordinary water?

Frank He didn't say, Grandma.

Grandma Sheehan Well, go back and ask him!

Frank Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It's been a minute since my last confession.

Confessional Priest A minute? Are you the boy that was just here?

Frank I am Father. My Grandma says holy water or ordinary water?

Frank He says ordinary water and don't go on bothering him again!

Grandma Sheehan Bothering him"?! The ignorant old ]!