Sam Kinison Quotes

Professor Terguson Welcome to Contemporary American History. I'm Professor Turgeson. I know a lot of people think history is just facts, just information about the past - but not me. I hold history very sacred, sacred. The way a farmer looks at the earth and he holds it sacred, the way a Christian takes the Bible and he holds it sacred, the way a lot of people hold their marriage sacred. That's how I feel about it. So why don't we dive right in by interpreting one of the easiest events in the last twenty years of American history? Now, can someone tell me why, in 1975, we pulled our troops out of Vietnam?

Student The failure of Vietnamization to win popular support caused an ongoing erosion of confidence in the various American but illegal Saigon regimes.

Professor Terguson Is she right? Cause I know that's the popular version of what went on there. And a lot of people like to believe that. I wish I could, but I was there! I wasn't here in a classroom, hoping I was right, thinking about it. I was up to my knees in rice paddies, WITH GUNS THAT DIDN'T WORK, GOING UP AGAINST CHARLIE, SLUGGING IT OUT WITH HIM, WHILE PUSSIES LIKE YOU WERE BACK HERE PARTYING, PUTTING HEADBANDS ON, DOING DRUGS, LISTENING TO THE GODDAMN ] ALBUMS! OHHHH! OHHHH! OH...!

Thornton Melon Hey Professor, take it easy, will you? I mean, these kids, they were in grade school at the time! And me... I'm not a fighter, I'm a lover!

Professor Terguson Well! I didn't know you wanted to get involved with the discussion, Mr. Helper! But since you wanna help, maybe you can help me, okay? You remember that thing we had about thirty years ago called the Korean conflict? Yeah, and how we failed to achieve victory? How come we didn't cross the 38th parallel and push those rice-eaters back to the Great Wall of China, THEN TAKE IT APART BRICK BY BRICK, AND NUKE THEM BACK INTO THE FUCKING STONE AGE FOREVER?! HOW COME?! TELL ME WHY! SAY IT! SAY IT!

Thornton Melon All right, I'll say it. Cause Truman was too much of a PUSSY WIMP to let MacArthur go in there and BLOW OUT THOSE COMMIE BASTARDS!

Professor Terguson Good answer. Good answer. I like the way you think. I'm gonna be watching you.

Thornton Melon Good teacher. He really seems to care. About what, I have no idea.