Memorable Quotes from Sid Haig
9 quotesTension Between Law and Clownish Humor
Lt. George Wydell
Have you seen this girl in the past 24 hours?
[holds a photo of Denise]
Captain Spaulding
Yeah, cute kid. Ain't my type though. You know, I like em with a little more meat on em. Ha ha. The bigger the cushion, the sweeter the pushin'.
Deputy Steve Naish
Come on clownie, just answer the damn questions. We ain't interested in your love life.
Lt. George Wydell
Cut the crap Spaulding and get with the facts.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Defiance in a Chaotic World
Captain Spaulding
But MOST of all... fuck YOU!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Discoveries in an Unlikely Location
James Bond
Exceptionally fine shot.
[looking down]
Slumber Inc. Attendant
I didn't know there was a pool down there.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Tensions Rise Among Unlikely Characters
Captain Spaulding
Mary fucking Moses! Ya all get the fuck outa here.
Killer Karl
Cool it Clowney. Keep your paws where I can see them.
Richard Wick
Yeah, d-don't move or I'll b-blast a hole the size of a k-Kansas City watermelon through your ugly-ass b-bozo face.
Captain Spaulding
What the fuck is that supposed to mean?
Killer Karl
Go grab that other asshole out of the shitter and drag his ass back in here.
Richard Wick
Right.
Captain Spaulding
You miserable motherfucker, I ought to leap over this counter and bash your fucking balls in.
Killer Karl
All right, Tippy, hand over the cash box and I might leave your brains inside your skull.
Captain Spaulding
Well, I'll tell you what, Ski King, why don't you just take your Mama home some chicken and then I won't have to stuff my boot all up in ya ass.
Killer Karl
I don't like chicken. And, I hate clowns. Put that shit down. PUT IT DOWN! fine That is it! I'm gonna count to ten and you're gonna hand over all the cash, or I'm gonna splater your grease paint mug all over from here to the state line! One.
Captain Spaulding
Fuck yo mama.
Killer Karl
Two.
Captain Spaulding
Fuck yo sister.
Richard Wick
What are we gonna do?
Stucky
Hey, I know you. You work down at the hardware store. right? Richard Wick right?
Richard Wick
Shut your trap.
Killer Karl
Quiet down both of you! Three.
Captain Spaulding
Fuck yo grandma.
Stucky
Hey I remember now all the guys make fun out of you. They call you Little Dick Wick.
Richard Wick
Shut up!
Stucky
Little Dick Wick played with his prick, don't his smell just make you sick?
Richard Wick
Stop singing I hate that song.
Killer Karl
Put your Fucking mask back on. fuck it!
Captain Spaulding
Most of all fuck you! Goddamn motherfucker got blood all over my best clown suit.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Desperate Plea for Help and Recognition
Captain Spaulding
Sweet baby Jesus, girl. What the hell happened to you?
Denise Willis
I got away.
[mumbling]
Captain Spaulding
You... hey, I recognize you. Oh, there's a whole bunch of people been looking for your ass, girl.
Denise Willis
I gotta get to a doctor.
Captain Spaulding
All right, all right. Just sit back and relax. I'll get you to a doctor.
Captain Spaulding
That's it. I'll get you there.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Clown Suit Ruined by Blood Stains
Captain Spaulding
Goddamn, motherfucker got blood all over my best clown suit.
[after shooting Killer Karl]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Devotion to the Crystals
Quuhod
I live and die by the crystals.
[''Quickly dies by the crystals'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Perceptions of Country Folk Humor
Captain Spaulding
I know what your problem is.
Bill Hudley
What's that?
Captain Spaulding
Ya'll think us folk from the country's real funny-like, dontcha?
Bill Hudley
Jerry...
Captain Spaulding
Yeah, well saddle up the mule, ma. Slide me some grits, I's got to get me some edu-cation, uh hu hu hu.
Bill Hudley
Jerry...
Captain Spaulding
You asshole!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Time and Memory in a Haunted Place
Bill
How long have you been running this place?
Captain Spaulding
How long is a piece of string? Too God damn long, that's how long.
Bill
No, really.
Captain Spaulding
Shit, I don't remember exactly. I took over for my Pa just after the Duke nabbed the Oscar.
Bill
The Duke?
Captain Spaulding
Yeah, my Pa wasn't right in the head after that.
Bill
You mean John Wayne?
Captain Spaulding
Hell, boy there some other Duke you know about? (rolls up his sleeve to reveal a John Wayne tattoo) A great American.
Bill
Yeah, I was never that big of a western fan. I like science fiction.
Captain Spaulding
I figured that much. Why the fuck you asking so many jackass questions for?
Bill
You see me and my friends are writing a book on offbeat roadside attractions. You know all the crazy shit you see when you drive cross country.
Captain Spaulding
I don't drive cross country.
Bill
But if you did.
Captain Spaulding
I don't.
Bill
But suppose for a second you did.
Captain Spaulding
Y'all find us country people real funny like don't ya... well, God damn pack up the mule and sling me some grits, I'ze a gotta get me some schooling.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.