Filth and Wisdom - It's Time for a Drink
Harry Beechman:
What time is it, Ade?
DJ:
Tic tac it's a drink o'clock
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Roald Dahl's Matilda the Musical - A Family's Unconventional Conversation About School
Matilda Wormwood:
Do you want to hear about my first day at school?
Mrs. Wormwood:
Yuck. I'd rather eat vegetables.
Mr. Wormwood:
It's official, I'm a genius! My losing streak is over. This fella comes into the lot. Huge he was. Great big bear of a man. And this bear of a man wants a luxury car.
Mrs. Wormwood:
Oh, lovely. But do bears drive?
Mr. Wormwood:
No. He's not a real bear.
Matilda Wormwood:
Do you have a luxury car?
Mr. Wormwood:
I've got two, boy.
Matilda Wormwood:
I'm a girl.
Mr. Wormwood:
One with a smashed-in front, and one with a smashed-in back. All I gotta do is cut them in half, glue them together and Bob's your chipmunk. Daddy's back.
Matilda Wormwood: [Mrs. Wormwood gasps]
But isn't that illegal? And sort of, well, wrong?
Mr. Wormwood: [snatches the library book out of Matilda's hand]
What'd he say? Wrong? Wrong? Give me that. The Grapes of...Idiot! How can grapes be angry? Hey? What utter junk!
Matilda Wormwood:
It's not about grapes.
Mrs. Wormwood:
Back-yakking! The little madam!
Matilda Wormwood:
I'm not back-yakking!
Mr. Wormwood:
Don't you back-yak me! I'll rip this book up in front of you.
Matilda Wormwood:
No, it's a library book!
Mrs. Wormwood:
Go on, do it. Go on.
Mr. Wormwood: [tears the pages of the library book]
There! There! Now get to bed, you little bookworm.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Roald Dahl's Matilda the Musical - Schooling and Accountability in Matilda's Life
Mr. Wormwood: [turns to Matilda]
I can't believe that! Talking to me like that. How dare they! I'm getting fined because of you!
Matilda Wormwood:
It's not my fault! You forgot to send me to school.
Mr. Wormwood:
Yeah, well you're going to school now, and you're gonna meet The Trunchbull.
Matilda Wormwood:
The Trunchbull?
Mr. Wormwood:
Agatha Trunchbull. Headmistress of Crunchem Hall.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales - Consequences of Following Unlucky Companions at Sea
Pike:
We should have never followed a luckless pirate and a witch to sea.
Bollard:
Right, that's it. Kill em all.
Captain Jack Sparrow:
Kill me and I'll be dead. And then the other dead won't be able to have their revenge… against me. Being dead.
Scrum:
What?
Henry:
Which will anger them even more. He's right.
Captain Jack Sparrow:
That's right.
Carina:
Are all pirates this stupid?
Captain Jack Sparrow:
Yes.
Scrum:
Yeah.
Bollard:
Yeah.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales - The Value of Expertise and Humility
Carina:
My calculations are precise and true. I'm not just an astronomer. I'm also a horologist.
Captain Jack Sparrow:
No shame in that, dear. We all have to make a living.
Carina:
No, I'm a horologist.
Scrum:
So was my mum. Although she didn't crow about it quite as loud as you.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales - Captain's Demands Amidst Empty Promises
Scrum: [After seeing that the bank vault Jack's crew have stolen is empty; the crew groan]
It's empty! Where's the dosh?!
Captain Jack Sparrow:
Do you think that robbing a bank is easy? You gaggle of gutless heels of the womb's guilty of putting me in this dreadful pickle in the first place! Now line up and offer me your tribute.
Marty: [He and the other crew members scoff in outrage]
You want us to pay YOU?!
Captain Jack Sparrow:
Am I not the captain of this ship?
Cremble:
You call THIS a ship?
Bollard:
Where's the treasure?
Pike:
All of us are starving!
Bollard:
We will no longer follow a captain without a ship.
Captain Jack Sparrow: [Reveals the Black Pearl in a bottle]
I HAVE a ship! Black Pearl's never left me side.
Pike:
The pirate Barbossa rules these seas now. Has ten ships, guns full.
Cremble:
Not to mention his cannonballs; 18 pounds each, they say.
Captain Jack Sparrow: [The crew sigh in disappointment]
One-legged man with 18 pound balls? That's why he walks funny. Oh, come, come, mates! Did we not find the treasure of Macedonia together?
Cremble:
It was a troll of rotten wood!
Captain Jack Sparrow:
Gold of King Midas!
Scrum:
Pile of donkey dung!
Gibbs:
Face it, Jack, bad luck dogs you day and night.
Captain Jack Sparrow: [Bird poop lands on Jack's shoulder]
That is a blatant fabrication!
Cremble:
You've lost your luck.
Bollard:
You've lost your ship.
Marty:
And now, you've lost your crew.
Pike: [The crew leaves the Dying Gull as Gibbs approach Jack]
Jack Sparrow is no longer our captain!
Gibbs: [Sympathetic; Pats Jack's shoulder and then follows the crew, leaving Jack stunned and heartbroken]
I'm sorry, Jack, but we've reached the end of the horizon.
Captain Jack Sparrow: [Yelling]
Right then! YOU'RE ALL DISMISSED!!! EH?! ALL OF YOU, DISMISSED!!! YOU'LL NEVER SAIL WITH CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW AGAIN, TELL YOU THAT!!!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.