Steve ParkQuotes

COL John Hall: Major, let me be frank. A negative report from you at this time would be the death knell for Fort Baxter. See, we've been in sort of a slump lately, and I-

MAJ Colin Thorn: Nine years without a single successful test? That's not a slump, Colonel, that's a tradition!

Hall: Look, Major- think for a minute. About the men; their careers! My career.

Thorn: Look, Colonel, you play the hand you're dealt. This isn't exactly the career I had in mind when I got out of OCS; shining a seat with my ass in D.C., visiting every dumpy little post- I thought I'd be a colonel by now, or maybe even a general. Sorry, Colonel; what I saw this morning was a dust cloud that cost $70 million. Good morning.

Hall: Ah, wait! You know, there's more to Fort Baxter than just R&D, Major. We have an award-winning, Hooah commissary!

CPT Moon: Try the chicken casserole!

Hall: And our softball team won the division title last year; Sergeant Bilko's platoon is in the Glee Club finals!

Thorn: [Visibly bored; boards the helicopter and an aircrewman shuts the door. His eyes open wide and he opens the door, calling out to Hall] I'll certainly keep that in mind. Did you say Bilko?!

Hall: Yes...?

Thorn: Is that Ernie Bilko?!

Hall: One and the same!

Thorn: [Gets back out of the helicopter] Maybe I will stay for lunch!

Hall: Hoo-ah, light up that chicken casserole, Captain Moon!

Moon: Yes sir!

Clive's Father: Culture clash. Culture clash.

Larry Gopnik: With all respect, Mr. Park, I don't think it's that.

Clive's Father: Yes.

Larry Gopnik: No. It would be a culture clash if it were the custom in your land to bribe people for grades.

Clive's Father: Yes.

Larry Gopnik: So... you're saying it is the custom?

Clive's Father: No, this is a defamation. Grounds for lawsuit.

Larry Gopnik: Let me get this straight: you're threatening to sue me for defaming your son?

Clive's Father: Yes.

Larry Gopnik: But it would...

Mr. Brandt: Is this man bothering you?

Larry Gopnik: Is he bothering me? No. I, uh...

Larry Gopnik: See... if it were defamation there would have to be someone I was defaming him to, or I... all right, I... let's keep it simple. I could pretend the money never appeared. That's not defaming anyone.

Clive's Father: Yes. And a passing grade.

Larry Gopnik: Passing grade.

Clive's Father: Yes.

Larry Gopnik: Or... you'll sue me.

Clive's Father: For taking money.

Larry Gopnik: So he did leave the money.

Clive's Father: This is defamation!

Larry Gopnik: It doesn't make sense. Either he left the money or he didn't.

Clive's Father: Please. Accept the mystery.

Larry Gopnik: You can't have it both ways!

Clive's Father: Why not?

Mookie: You dago, wop, guinea, garlic breath, pizza slinging, spaghetti bending, Vic Damone, Perry Como, Luciano Pavarotti, Sole Mio, non-singing motherfucker.

Pino: You gold teeth, gold chain wearing, fried chicken and biscuit eating, monkey, ape, baboon, big thigh, fast running, high jumping, spear chucking, three-hundred-sixty-degree basketball dunking, titsun, spade, mulignan. Take your fucking pizza piece and go the fuck back to Africa.

Stevie: You little slanty eyed, me-no-speaky-American, own-every-fruit-and-vegetable-stand-in-New-York, bullshit, Reverend Sun Myung Moon, Summer Olympic 88, Korean kickboxing son-of-a-bitch.

Officer Long: You Goya bean eating, fifteen-in-a-car, thirty-in-an-apartment, pointed shoes, red wearing, Menudo, mira-mira Puerto Rican cocksucker. Yeah, you!

Sonny: It's cheap! I got a good price for you, Mayor Koch, "How-I'm-doing?", chocolate egg cream drinking, bagel and lox, B'nai B'rith, Jew asshole.

Mister Señor Love Daddy: Yo! Hold up! Time out! Time out! Y'all take a chill! Ya need to cool that shit out! And that's the double truth, Ruth!

Radio Raheem: Give me 20 "D" Energizers.

Sonny: 20 "C" Energizers?

Radio Raheem: Not "C", "D".

Sonny: C" Energizers?

Radio Raheem: D", motherfucker, "D". Learn to speak English first, all right?

Kim: How many you say?

Radio Raheem: 20, motherfucker, 20.

Sonny: Motherfuck you.

Radio Raheem: Motherfuck you? You, you all right, man.

Gaear Grimsrud: You're a smooth, smoothie, yah know?

Wade Gustafson: It's my money. I'll deliver it - what do they care?...They want my money, they can deal with me.

Wade Gustafson: Look, Jerry, you're not selling me a damn car. It's my show here.

Mike Yanagita: Ya know, it's the Radisson, so it's pretty good.

Mike Yanagita: So ya went and married Norm Son-of-a-Gunderson!

Shep Proudfoot: [beating Carl violently] Fucking little fucking weasel! Fuck you! You fucking motherfucking son of a fucking bitching fucking cunt! Jesus fucking Christ you fucking shitfuckbag motherfucker!