Tina FeyQuotes

Claire Foster: Why is it so bright out here? It's supposed to be dark and seedy. Give a 40 year old stripper-slash-mom a break.

Kate Ellis: Do you have any kids?

Tattooed Bodybuilder: I'm sure I do.

Kate Ellis: [the sisters have visited their parents uninvited only to realize that they are otherwise engaged] Did we just cock block our parents?

Kate Ellis: I'm not a hothead, I'm brassy!

Kate Ellis: Get your peanut butter out of my sister's chocolate.

Kate Ellis: What fresh fuckery is this?

Kate Ellis: You're so full of shit, I'm gonna buy you Pull-Ups.

Ms. Norbury: [x + 1] Welcome to A.P. Calculus. Congratulations. You know more math than 85% of Americans. But you will not rest on your laurels this year. I plan to push you. So let’s get started. Chapter One, “Limits and Their Properties.” What the heck are limits, you say? If I write out the equation,“The limit as x approaches two of ,” the function is what we’re taking the limit of. I don’t expect you to know how to do this yet.

Cady: The limit equals three.

Ms. Norbury: That’s right. Let’s try another one. Find the value of k for which the following limit exists.

Cady: K equals negative three.

Student: Damn, girl!

Ms. Norbury: Wow.

Aaron: [''Turns around in front of her and Cady is smitten''] Are you trying to make the rest of us feel dumb?

Cady: No, I... I’m not trying to. It’s just, uh, happening.

Aaron: Oh, okay, it’s like that. All right, um, well... challenge accepted.

Mr. Duvall: [''Holds a trash can for a student to spit gum in who complies''; ''turns student's phone down to table''; ''Knocks desk of sleeping student who wakes''; [w:Kentucky|Kentucky] Hope you all had a good summer. Mine was pretty good. I worked in my brother-in-law’s golf pro shop. Did not make a lot of money, so of course I am back to help shepherd you all into the future. May I have everyone’s attention, please? Eyes to the front of the room. You may notice we have a new student joining us today. She just moved here from ].

Cady: [[w:Kenya|Kenya] ].

Mr. Duvall: Kenya. Her name is Caddy.

Cady: It’s Cady. Cady Heron.

Mr. Duvall: [[w:k.d. lang|k.d. lang; [w:heroin|the illegal street drug] My apologies. I will commit that to memory. Cady, like the Canadian songstress ], and Heron, like ]. Thank you, Caddy.

Cady: It’s Cady.

Ms. Norbury: [''Shakes her hand''; ''Holds out paper''] Cady, hi. I’m Ms. Norbury. I’ll be your homeroom teacher. This is your roster. I see I also have you for A.P. Calculus. You must have had excellent teachers at your old school.

Cady: Oh, I was homeschooled.

Ms. Norbury: [[w:List of education trade unions|take jobs from my union] Homeschooled? Oh, that’s a fun way to ]. No, I’m joking. It’s fine. Ah. Um, do you think you can follow this schedule?

Cady: Yeah, I think so.

Ms. Norbury: Okay, you’re gonna be moving from class to class with each...

Nadya: It would appear you were right, Kermit. I guess this is your family. And families belong together. You are free to go. Forever.

Nadya: You are always right, my beautiful amphibian prince. I will never let you go.

Nadya: No one believes in family in the gulag, frog. People are only ever out for themselves.

Nadya: Give up, frog. I have Netflix account with search keywords "prison escape". I have seen every prison movie ever made. Even the ones in space.

Nadya: Put the frog down! Or I will deploy.