Tom Hollander Quotes

In the Loop

Humorous Critique of Meeting Etiquette

Simon Foster I don't want to have to read you the Riot Act here. But I am going to have to read you some extracts from the Riot Act. Like "Section 1, Paragraph 1: Don't leave your boss twisting in the wind, then burst in late, smelling like a pissed seaside donkey." "The British are coming!

[impersonating Toby]

Toby Wright Okay, okay, Simon, I was late for the meeting. I am sorry. But it's not like I threw up in there, is it?

Simon Foster No, you're right. I'm being unfair. I should be thanking you for not throwing up. Well done. You're a star. And you didn't wet yourself, did you? You're in the right city. You didn't say anything overtly racist. You didn't pull your dick out, start plucking it and shouting, "Willy Banjo!" No, I'm being really unfair. You got so much right...without actually being there for the beginning of one of the most important moments in my career. Thanks. You're a legend.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Bohemian Rhapsody

The Pressure of Time in Life Decisions

Jim Beach They just need a bit of time.

Freddie Mercury What if I don't have time?

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Mission: Impossible - Rogue Nation

Unraveling the Syndicate's Threat and Hunt's Role

Brandt So what you're saying is there is no ledger, which means we have no proof that the Syndicate even exists. So we're back to square one, only now we're all wanted by the CIA. I'm so proud of us.

[sarcastically]

Prime Minister Atlee? He couldn't possibly be talking about... that Syndicate. Cause you assured me that that Syndicate was merely an exercise.

Alan Hunley Hunt is uniquely training and highly motivated. A specialist without equal, immune to any countermeasures. There is no secret he cannot extract, no security he cannot breach, no person he cannot become. He has, most likely, anticipated this very conversation and is waiting to strike in whatever direction we move. Sir, Hunt is the living manifestation of destiny, and he has made you... his mission.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

In the Loop

A Lesson in Direct Communication

Malcolm Tucker Hey, foetus boy, lesson one: If I tell you to fuck off, what do you do?

[to Toby]

Toby Wright Umm... Eff off?

Malcolm Tucker You'll go far! Now fuck off.

Toby Wright Right.

[leaves the room]

Simon Foster Judy and I were thinking that I could row back on Question Time tonight—

Malcolm Tucker You're not going on Question Time, you've been disinvited.

Simon Foster We've been prepping Question Time!

Judy Molloy Why wasn't I told about this?

Malcolm Tucker Why the fuck would I tell you it?! I've told you to fuck off twice, and yet you're still here!

Judy Molloy You should tell me about it because it's a scheduled media appearance by this department's secretary of state, so therefore it falls well within my purview!

Malcolm Tucker Within your purview"?

Judy Molloy Yes!

Malcolm Tucker Where do you think you are, in some fucking regency costume drama?! This is a government department! Not a fucking ] novel!

[[Jane Austen|Jane fucking Austen]

Simon Foster Malcolm...

Malcolm Tucker Allow me to pop a jaunty little bonnet on your "purview" and ram it up the shitter with a lubricated horse-cock!

Judy Molloy Your swearing does not impress me. My husband works for Tower Hamlets and believe me, those kids make you sound like... ]!

[[w:Angela Lansbury|Angela Lansbury]

Malcolm Tucker She's married? Poor bastard.

[to Simon]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

In the Loop

The Unpredictability of War

Simon Foster Well, personally, I think that war is unforeseeable.

[In a radio interview]

Malcolm Tucker Sam! Sam!

Eddie Mair Unforeseeable"?

[On radio]

Simon Foster Yes.

[On radio]

Malcolm Tucker No, you do not think that! Sam, I'm going to have to go to International Development and pull Simon Foster's fucking hair.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Mission: Impossible - Rogue Nation

A Grateful Prime Minister Reflects on Events

Brandt When the Prime Minister found out about the Syndicate, Atlee attacked him.

Prime Minister Yes, that's true.

Brandt And then you saved the Prime Minister, sir.

Prime Minister Did he? I'm very grateful.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

In the Loop

Hope for Peace Amidst Chaos

Simon Foster I really hope there isn't a war. It's gonna be a nightmare; it's bad enough dealing with the fucking ].

[[w:2012 Summer Olympics|Olympics]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

In the Loop

Escalating Tensions in a Frustrating Situation

Simon Foster Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK! Why didn't we nail the line?!

Judy Molloy Simon, I did try to warn you.

Simon Foster Yes! Yes! You did try to warn me, but you don't actually stop me, did you?!

Judy Molloy I can't tackle you to the ground!

Simon Foster That's like shouting "Train!" as someone gets hit by a train! You should go, "Train! It's a fucking train!

Judy Molloy Bollocks!

[her phone rings]

Simon Foster Fuck, it's Malcolm!

[his phone rings also]

Judy Molloy Mine's Malcolm, too.

Simon Foster How does he do that?

Malcolm Tucker Simon, I don't like finding out about people employed by this government via the news unless they've just died. Be here, now!

[talking on two mobiles]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

The Soloist

Divine Perspectives on Gratitude and Influence

Graham Claydon Nothing pains God more than when we squander his blessings. You owe it to Him to care for this...

Nathaniel Ayers I don't owe God. Mr. Steve Lopez is my god.

Steve Lopez What?

Nathaniel Ayers Star writer for Los Angeles. Higher power flying around with wings like an angel.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

In the Loop

Frustration in Political Engagement

Simon Foster Meeting my constituents? It's like being ] but without the ability to say "Fuck off, you're mental.

[[Simon Cowell]

In the Loop

Unexpected Visitor Arrives Without Warning

Simon Foster Who was that?

Judy Molloy Malcolm. He's coming to see you.

Simon Foster Oh shit, he's still alive. When's he due?

Malcolm Tucker Now. And don't say you weren't prepared, because I rang ahead.

[Entering the room]

About Time

Celebrating Love Over Wedding Formalities

Harry No. No. I'm at a wedding for God's sake. I'm here to celebrate true love not scribble my illegible signature on stupid bits of paper that you can flog on eBay so that at the next wedding you can wear a less hideous hat.

[''asked for an autograph'']

In the Loop

Witty Banter Across Time Zones

Malcolm Tucker I'm here, I'm there, I'm fucking everywhere. ]

[[w:I_Am_The_Walrus|I'm the egg man.]

Simon Foster Have you come to insult me in a different timezone?

Pride & Prejudice

A Request for Privacy Misunderstood

Mr. Collins Mrs. Bennet I was hoping, if it would not trouble you, that I might solicit a private audience with Miss Elizabeth in the course of the morning.

Mrs. Bennet Oh, yes. Certainly. Lizzy will be very happy indeed. Everyone, out. Mr. Collins would like a private audience with your sister.

Elizabeth Bennet No, no, wait, please. I beg you. Mr. Collins can have nothing to say to me that anybody need not hear.

Mrs. Bennet No nonsense, Lizzy. I desire you will stay where you are. Everyone else to the drawing room. Mr. Bennet?

Mr. Bennet But...

Mrs. Bennet Now.

In the Loop

Rehearsing Detachment in Political Discourse

Malcolm Tucker Karen Clark will want you to say that war is unforeseeable, and Linton Barwick will want you to talk about the "climb the mountain of conflict" line. You say nothing, okay? You stay detached, otherwise that's what I'll do to your retinas.

Simon Foster Right, can I go to bed now, please?

Malcolm Tucker No, no, no, no, no! You're gonna stay here, and you're gonna rehearse saying nothing!

Simon Foster Am I being tortured?

Memorable Quotes from Tom Hollander