Memorable Quotes from Tommy Chong
21 quotesA Comedic Challenge Among Friends
Pee-wee Herman
Hey, you guys look a little familiar to me!
Dwayne "Red" Mendoza
Hey, you smell kinda familiar.
Pee-wee Herman
Ha, ha, ha. I'm the comedian. I'll tell the jokes, if you don't mind! If you think it's so easy, why don't you come up here and do it?
Gloria's Mom
Yeah, go up there and tell a joke!
Pee-wee Herman
That's right! You come up here and do it!
Dwayne "Red" Mendoza
Okay!
Chong
Yeah, man!
Pee-wee Herman
Fuck this. I'm going somewhere else. Hey, hey, here!
[gives Red the finger and storms off]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Divine Authority versus Royal Obligation
El Nebuloso
Who is it more important to please: the King of Spain, or God?
[Examining Yellowbeard's treasure]
El Segundo
Why, God, of course.
El Nebuloso
And who is God's personal representative in these parts?
El Segundo
Why, you, your holy ruthlessness.
El Nebuloso
Well, God wants to keep all of it.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Complications of Driving an Automatic Car
Chong
You're driving like an idiot, man.
Cheech
I just can't get used to these automatics, man.
Chong
Yeah, they are real complicated, aren't they?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Wealth Revealed in Conversation
Chong
Hey, how much money do we have now?
Cheech
All together?
Chong
Yeah, all together?
Cheech
Let's see, mmm, uh, oh man! We have $17,000,000!
Chong
Really?
Cheech
Oh, wait, well, um, 17, something. Who cares? We're rich, man.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Coping with Suspicion in Drug Deals
Chong
Hey, man, that dude looked kinda straight to be buying dope.
Cheech
Hey, man, don't worry about it. I checked him out myself, man. He ain't a cop. I can smell cops a mile away, man. They smell like coffee and doughnuts.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Cremation Plans Discussed by Characters
Chong
You know what I wanna do when I die, man?
Cheech
What?
Chong
I'm gonna get cremated, man.
Cheech
Yeah?
Chong
Yeah. Then I wanna get my ashes put in a baggie, you know.
Cheech
Yeah?
Chong
Then I'm gonna have all my friends - we'll have a party and then everybody will smoke me. Mix it with some good shit, you know.
Cheech
Remind me not to be one of your friends when you die.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstandings Among Friends After Years Apart
Dwayne "Red" Mendoza
Cheech! Hey, you old pile of horseshit! How are you? Goddamn, you got ugly! How ya doing, man?
Chong
Good, man.
Dwayne "Red" Mendoza
I haven't seen you in ten years, man!
Chong
I'm not Cheech, man.
Dwayne "Red" Mendoza
What?
Chong
I'm Cheech's friend Chong.
Dwayne "Red" Mendoza
Oh, hey, Ching! Good to meet you!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Intelligence and Substance Use in Conversation
Chong
Hey, listen, there's a lot of smart dudes who do coke, man.
Cheech
Yeah? Like who?
Chong
Like, ] does coke. And he isn't so stupid.
[[Sherlock Holmes]
Cheech
Sherlock Holmes?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Debating the Attractiveness of Women
Cheech
Those are the ugliest chicks I ever saw in my life.
Chong
No kidding, man. But if they're so ugly, how come you were hitting on them?
Cheech
I wasn't hitting on them, man.
Chong
Well, that part about asking them if they were models, man.
Cheech
I was trying to be nice, man.
Chong
Models for Kal-Can dog food.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Learning Spanish with Friends
Cheech
Want me to teach you some Spanish, man?
Chong
Okay.
Cheech
When you see a friend, you say "Hey, how's it going, Pendejo?
Chong
Hey, how's it going, Pendecko?
Cheech
...Yeah, that's close enough.
Chong
What does that mean, man?
Cheech
Oh, it means my really good friend.
Chong
How's it going, Pend... Pen..." How was that, again?
Cheech
Pendejo.
Chong
Pendecko.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Creativity in Songwriting: A Unique Perspective
Chong
I dig it, man. It's good. But you know, while you were singing that, I came up with another song, man.
Cheech
Oh, yeah?
Chong
Yeah. It's like the same thing, only different.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Caution Amidst Gas Fumes
Chong
You got a light, man?
Cheech
Huh? Oh yeah, here. Hey, I don't think you better light it in here, man.
[hands him a lighter]
Chong
Why?
Cheech
Ah, these gas fumes, man.
Chong
Oh man.
[flicks the lighter]
Cheech
I don't know.
[the inside of the car explodes]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Playful Exchange About Getting High
Man
You wanna get high, man?
Pedro
Does Howdy Doody have wooden Balls, man?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Investing in a Rest Home for Hippies
Chong
You know what I think we should invest in, man?
Cheech
What?
Chong
A rest home for old hippies.
Cheech
Yeah?
Chong
Cause, man, you know, like, hippies have been around since the 60's man.
Cheech
Yeah.
Chong
You know, and there really isn't like a hip place for em to go when they get real old, you know.
Cheech
Yeah.
Chong
You know, how I see it, you know, it's like a regular rest home except you have all the dope you can smoke, you know, for these old people. They'd listen to all the music they want, you know.
Cheech
Like we could call it: Laid Back Manor.
Chong
Yeah! Hey, great. Yeah.
Cheech
That'd be heavy.
Chong
Because, you know, I mean, like, what do people do when they get old? You know, they usually keep them stoned, laid-back.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unconventional Claims in a Comedic Exchange
Chong
You know, I could be your daddy.
Cheech
You could be my daddy, man?
Chong
Yeah, I used to fuck buffalo.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Balancing Act of Legs and Shoulders
Chong
Got one leg on my shoulder. Two legs on my shoulder.
[sings; muffled singing continues]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Tune Inspired by Life's Struggles
Chong
I wanna sing a little tune I wrote one day while I was beatin my old lady. It's called "GOING DOWNTOWN GONNA SEE MY GAL".
[as Blind Melon Chitlin]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Value of Ugly Art
Pepe
Art sure is ugly.
Neil
Shows how much you know about art. The uglier the art, the more it's worth.
Pepe
This must be worth a fortune, man.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Coping with Repeated Mistakes in Friendship
Cheech
Man, I can't believe you. Every time you do coke, this shit happens.
Chong
Hey, wait a minute, man. How come every time I do coke, you say that "every time you do coke" thing?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Request for a Drink
Cheech
Hey, it's about time, man. Hey, what do you got? Hey, give me some.
[seeing a jar with a yellowish fluid inside]
Chong
What?
Cheech
Give a drink, man. Come on, man, you drink it.
Chong
What, this?
Cheech
Yeah.
Chong
Oh, go ahead, man. Help yourself.
[hands him the jar]
Cheech
Wait a minute... Hey, man, that's pee!
[sniffs the inside]
Chong
No kidding.
Cheech
What are you doing with pee?
Chong
That's for my probation officer, man.
Cheech
What, does he drink pee?
Chong
No, man. Last week, I was supposed to bring some in, you know.
Cheech
Yeah?
Chong
But I forgot to wash out the jar first, so he sees that mayonnaise floatin around, and he'll think I'm on some kind of weird drug again, and I'm really gonna fuck with his mind this time, man.
Cheech
Yeah, what did you do?
Chong
Have my SISTER pee in it.
Cheech
Your sister?
[laughs it out]
Chong
Yeah, she's pregnant!
Cheech
Hey, did she get the weed?
Chong
No, she's out of it, man. We're just waiting on some from Columbia.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Dreams of Wealth and Guitars
Cheech
We're rich. Hey, let's buy a villa in ]. That'd be great. We could just...
[[Costa Rica]
Chong
I'm gonna get some more guitars.
Cheech
Yeah?
Chong
Yeah, I wanna get a Fender. No, I don't like Fenders, man. No, I'll get one anyway.
Cheech
Let's get one of those big, white houses, man. You know, like, with a veranda, you know. With a porch. We'd be sitting out there sipping pina colonics, man.
Chong
Pina colonics?
Cheech
Yeah.
Chong
What's that?
Cheech
You know, they make them in a blender, man. You know.
Chong
Oh, yeah.
Cheech
Yeah. We'd have topless ladies, man. Maybe we'll make ourselves sun kings. You know, buy a little island. We'll put two little chairs on a little hill, and every day at noon we'll go up there and all the natives will bow down to us and we'll throw them joints, you know. I like to help the little people, man. Like, that's important in life.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.