Memorable Quotes from Tone Loc
2 quotesTension Escalates in a Hostage Situation
Einhorn
SHOOT HIM! SHOOT HIM!!!!!!
Emilio
Hold your fire! Don't shoot.
[Melissa drags Emilio into the area with a gun pointed at him]
Melissa
Put your guns down or this cop gets it. I mean it!
[cocks gun and puts it under Emilio's chin]
Emilio
She's not joking!
Einhorn
HE KIDNAPPED SNOWFLAKE! HE KILLED ROGER PODACTER, AND HE WAS JUST ABOUT TO KILL DAN MARINO AND ME!
Ace
Oh-ho-HO! ] can be ]! But I find the reference section much more enlightening. For instance: if you were to look up professional football's all-time bonehead plays...you might read about a Miami Dolphin kicker named Ray Finkle, who missed a 26-yard field goal in the closing seconds of Super Bowl XVII. What you WOULDN'T read about is how Ray Finkle lost his mind, was committed to a mental hospital, only to escape and join the police force under the assumed identity of a missing hiker, manipulating his way to the top in a diabolical scheme to get even with Dan Marino whom he blamed for the entire thing!
[[Fiction; [fun; takes deep breath and begins speaking faster; gasps for air]
Aguado
What the hell are you talking about?
Ace
SHE'S NOT LOIS EINHORN! She's Ray Finkle! She's a man!
[pointing at Einhorn]
Einhorn
He's lying...SHOOT HIM!
Ace
Let's just see who's lying, shall we? Would a real woman have to wear one of these? Boy, that's really on there! But tell me this...would a real woman be missing these? That kind of surgery can be done over the weekend! But I doubt very much if he could find the time during his... busy schedule...to get rid of big ol Mr. Knish! Heh heh...oh, boy.
[laughs; pulls on Einhorn's hair, assuming it's a wig; rips open Einhorn's blouse; rips Einhorn's skirt off]
Dan Marino
Psst, Ace...come here.
Ace
Would you excuse me for just one second? Ladies and gentlemen...my esteemed colleague, Mr. Marino, has just brought some new evidence to my attention. Now, history has certainly shown that even the most intuitive criminal investigator can be wrong from time to time. But if I am mistaken...if the Lieutenant is indeed a woman, as she claims to be...then, my friend, she is suffering from the worst case of hemorrhoids I HAVE EVER SEEN! THAT'S WHY ROGER PODACTER IS DEAD! HE FOUND CAPTAIN WINKY!
[Ace walks over to Marino, who whispers to him; Ace grabs Einhorn and spins her around, making everyone gasp in shock]
Ace
Goodnight, everybody! You've been a wonderful audience! I'll be here all week. Be sure to tip your waitress.
Finkle
DIE, ANIMAL BOOOOYYY!!!!!
Ace
Quick decision.
Finkle
No, whoa! Aagh!
Ace
Loser!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Questions and Secrets in a Tense Encounter
Ace Ventura
Excuse me! I'd like to ass you a few questions!
[using his rear end to talk to Emilio]
Emilio
This is not the time, Ace. If Einhorn comes in here and sees me talking to you or your ass, I'm history.
Ace Ventura
I think I can keep him under control, but you're going to have to tell me who's working the Snowflake case.
[turns around to face Emilio]
Emilio
Hey, I can't do nothing for you on that one. My hands are totally tied.
Ace Ventura
All right, that's it! NOW it's my turn! Five minutes alone, that's all I need! C'MON!
[turns back]
Detective
Better look alive. Einhorn's on her way down.
[leans in to talk to Emilio]
Ace Ventura
Ooooh! ]!
[[w:Dragnet_(theme_music)|Bum, bum bum, bum!]
Emilio
Come on, now. Ace, please.
Ace Ventura
What's the matter? Afraid I'll make a stink? Come on!
Emilio
Aguado's working the case, all right?
Ace Ventura
Aguado! Good call!
[turns and sits on the chair]
Emilio
We're just a little busy now with murderers and burglaries and drug dealers. Things like that. A missing ] isn't exactly a high priority.
[[dolphin]
Ace Ventura
Now you've pissed him off.
[starts to shake]
Emilio
Would you give me a break?
Ace Ventura
I can't hold him much longer!
[exaggerates the shakes]
Emilio
My boss is coming! Okay, look. We ran a check with local animal-rights groups. We checked out the taxidermists and we already checked on van rentals. So far, nothing, nathin', nada. All right?
Ace Ventura
Any unusual bets being made?
Emilio
Of course! This is Super Bowl!
Ace Ventura
What'd you find out about the tank?
Emilio
Nothing. Tire tracks, an escape route. A guard didn't see anything.
Ace Ventura
That's it?
[shines Emilio's desk lamp into Emilio's face]
Emilio
I swear. Now will you please get the hell out of here before I get into trouble?
Ace Ventura
Thank you for all your cooperation! By the way, do you have a mint? Perhaps some ]?
[turns his back; [w:Binaca (breath spray)|Binaca]
Ace Ventura
Assholiomio...Osodomia...Lea-- HOLY...testicle Tuesday!
[clears throat, still speaking backwards; sees Lois Einhorn]
Lois Einhorn
What the hell is he doing here?
[to Emilio]
Ace Ventura
I came to confess. ].
[[w:John F. Kennedy assassination|I was the second gunman on the grassy knoll]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.