Tone LocQuotes

Einhorn: SHOOT HIM! SHOOT HIM!!!!!!

Emilio: [Melissa drags Emilio into the area with a gun pointed at him] Hold your fire! Don't shoot.

Melissa: [cocks gun and puts it under Emilio's chin] Put your guns down or this cop gets it. I mean it!

Emilio: She's not joking!

Einhorn: HE KIDNAPPED SNOWFLAKE! HE KILLED ROGER PODACTER, AND HE WAS JUST ABOUT TO KILL DAN MARINO AND ME!

Ace: [[Fiction; [fun; takes deep breath and begins speaking faster; gasps for air] Oh-ho-HO! ] can be ]! But I find the reference section much more enlightening. For instance: if you were to look up professional football's all-time bonehead plays...you might read about a Miami Dolphin kicker named Ray Finkle, who missed a 26-yard field goal in the closing seconds of Super Bowl XVII. What you WOULDN'T read about is how Ray Finkle lost his mind, was committed to a mental hospital, only to escape and join the police force under the assumed identity of a missing hiker, manipulating his way to the top in a diabolical scheme to get even with Dan Marino whom he blamed for the entire thing!

Aguado: What the hell are you talking about?

Ace: [pointing at Einhorn] SHE'S NOT LOIS EINHORN! She's Ray Finkle! She's a man!

Einhorn: He's lying...SHOOT HIM!

Ace: [laughs; pulls on Einhorn's hair, assuming it's a wig; rips open Einhorn's blouse; rips Einhorn's skirt off] Let's just see who's lying, shall we? Would a real woman have to wear one of these? Boy, that's really on there! But tell me this...would a real woman be missing these? That kind of surgery can be done over the weekend! But I doubt very much if he could find the time during his... busy schedule...to get rid of big ol Mr. Knish! Heh heh...oh, boy.

Dan Marino: Psst, Ace...come here.

Ace: [Ace walks over to Marino, who whispers to him; Ace grabs Einhorn and spins her around, making everyone gasp in shock] Would you excuse me for just one second? Ladies and gentlemen...my esteemed colleague, Mr. Marino, has just brought some new evidence to my attention. Now, history has certainly shown that even the most intuitive criminal investigator can be wrong from time to time. But if I am mistaken...if the Lieutenant is indeed a woman, as she claims to be...then, my friend, she is suffering from the worst case of hemorrhoids I HAVE EVER SEEN! THAT'S WHY ROGER PODACTER IS DEAD! HE FOUND CAPTAIN WINKY!

Ace: Goodnight, everybody! You've been a wonderful audience! I'll be here all week. Be sure to tip your waitress.

Finkle: DIE, ANIMAL BOOOOYYY!!!!!

Ace: Quick decision.

Finkle: No, whoa! Aagh!

Ace: Loser!

Ace Ventura: [using his rear end to talk to Emilio] Excuse me! I'd like to ass you a few questions!

Emilio: This is not the time, Ace. If Einhorn comes in here and sees me talking to you or your ass, I'm history.

Ace Ventura: [turns around to face Emilio] I think I can keep him under control, but you're going to have to tell me who's working the Snowflake case.

Emilio: Hey, I can't do nothing for you on that one. My hands are totally tied.

Ace Ventura: [turns back] All right, that's it! NOW it's my turn! Five minutes alone, that's all I need! C'MON!

Detective: [leans in to talk to Emilio] Better look alive. Einhorn's on her way down.

Ace Ventura: [[w:Dragnet_(theme_music)|Bum, bum bum, bum!] Ooooh! ]!

Emilio: Come on, now. Ace, please.

Ace Ventura: What's the matter? Afraid I'll make a stink? Come on!

Emilio: Aguado's working the case, all right?

Ace Ventura: [turns and sits on the chair] Aguado! Good call!

Emilio: [[dolphin] We're just a little busy now with murderers and burglaries and drug dealers. Things like that. A missing ] isn't exactly a high priority.

Ace Ventura: [starts to shake] Now you've pissed him off.

Emilio: Would you give me a break?

Ace Ventura: [exaggerates the shakes] I can't hold him much longer!

Emilio: My boss is coming! Okay, look. We ran a check with local animal-rights groups. We checked out the taxidermists and we already checked on van rentals. So far, nothing, nathin', nada. All right?

Ace Ventura: Any unusual bets being made?

Emilio: Of course! This is Super Bowl!

Ace Ventura: What'd you find out about the tank?

Emilio: Nothing. Tire tracks, an escape route. A guard didn't see anything.

Ace Ventura: [shines Emilio's desk lamp into Emilio's face] That's it?

Emilio: I swear. Now will you please get the hell out of here before I get into trouble?

Ace Ventura: [turns his back; [w:Binaca (breath spray)|Binaca] Thank you for all your cooperation! By the way, do you have a mint? Perhaps some ]?

Ace Ventura: [clears throat, still speaking backwards; sees Lois Einhorn] Assholiomio...Osodomia...Lea-- HOLY...testicle Tuesday!

Lois Einhorn: [to Emilio] What the hell is he doing here?

Ace Ventura: [[w:John F. Kennedy assassination|I was the second gunman on the grassy knoll] I came to confess. ].