Toni Collette Quotes

Paul This is really hard for me to admit, but, I have - this illness. All I want to do is have sex.

Kristin I mean, I want to have sex too. We haven't had sex in, like, three years!

Paul Yeah, I know, but, what I mean with a new person.

Kristin He tried to kill me.

Jenny With his penis?

Kristin No, no, with poison.

Jenny Poison penis? Slow down, Lorenzo did what?

Kristin No, no. Not Lorenzo. Carlo!

Jenny Wait. Who the fuck is Carlo?

Kristin Oh my God, he is a super, hot mob boss who I had dinner with.

Rose Feller I liked you... I really liked you. She won't even remember your name. Probably can't even spell it. Can you, Maggie? Come on, sound it out. Juh-imm. Jim. Oh, she's pretty, this one... but real stupid.

Maggie Feller SHUT UP YOU FAT PIG!!

Rose Feller Did you honestly just say "Fat pig"? You're my sister...and the best you can do is "fat pig"? : GET OUT OF MY LIFE!!

Maggie Feller Oh!

Kristin Ooh, your pasta. It's the greatest thing I've ever had in my mouth.

Mandy Slade I knew it was over. I just didn't know it was up to me to make it stop.

Carlo Romano You are a Balbano. My Uncle killed your father. One day, you will come for me and the rest of my family. Eventually, we both seek revenge. ].

Kristin I never saw "The Godfather

Carlo Romano No. No! ]. Stupid American woman!

Maggie Feller Shoes like these should not be locked in a closet! They should be living a life of scandal, and passion, and getting screwed in an alleyway by a billionaire while his frigid wife waits in the limo thinking that he just went back into the bar to get his cellphone. These are cute too.

Rose Feller Please tell me you just made that up.

Maggie Feller Look, if you're not going to wear them... don't buy them! Leave them for someone who's going to get something out of them.

Rose Feller I get something out of them! When I feel bad I like to treat myself. Clothes never look any good... food just makes me fatter... shoes always fit.

Bianca So you fucked him.

Kristin No. He died first.

Bianca You missed something. When he came, he screamed like a woman.

Jenny Kristin, what do you masturbate to?

Kristin Italian cooking shows. I mean, more specifically, ]. There was this one episode where he went to this burrata factory and it was all creamy and he got his hands in all the milky stuff. It was so...

Kristin It's such an amazing time in your life. You can really become anyone you want to be.

Domenick Mom.

Kristin You could change the world.

Domenick Mom.

Kristin ]!

Maggie Mollison Simon the underwear goes on the inside.

Simon Mollison Maggie please you don't have to worry about it.

Maggie Mollison It's very embarrassing.

Annie Graham It's heartening to see so many strange, new faces here today. I know my mom would be very touched, and probably a little suspicious to see this turnout. So. My mother was a very secretive and private woman. She had private rituals, private friends, private anxieties. It honestly feels like a betrayal just to be standing here talking about her. She was a very difficult woman to read. If you ever thought you knew what was going on with her, and God forbid you tried to confront that. But when her life was unpolluted, she could be the sweetest, warmest, most loving person in the world. She was also incredibly stubborn, which maybe, explains me.

Rose Feller I don't know what's wrong with your girls. My Marcia never uses the word vagina!

Maggie Feller My Marcia doesn't even have a vagina!

Rose Feller Oh, My Marcia has a vagina alright, but My Marcia's vagina is made of solid 24 karat gold!

Maggie Feller My Marcia's vagina is so perfect, it's in a museum!

Kristin How is Lorenzo supposed to get in touch with me? How will I ever have sex!

Bianca You cannot be speaking to random strangers. It's too dangerous.

Kristin He's not a stranger. He's gorgeous.

Kristin Listen, listen, listen. It's ].

Carlo Romano Really? Two chocolate biscuits together - ]?

Kristin The cream - the cream is my favorite part.

Bianca We have machines to crush grapes now. But, this is the classic way.

Kristin This does feel kinda nice, huh?

Bianca You must stomp on the grapes to release their juices.

Cole Sear She wanted me to tell you...

Lynn Sear Cole, please stop...

Cole Sear She wanted me to tell you she saw you dance. She said, when you were little, you and her had a fight, right before your dance recital. You thought she didn't come see you dance. She did. She hid in the back so you wouldn't see. She said you were like an angel. She said you came to the place where they buried her. Asked her a question. She said the answer is... "Every day." What did you ask?

Lynn Sear Do I make her proud?".

Boy Why's your brother a spastic?

Thomas Mollison He's not a spastic. He's autistic.

Boy Same diff.

Thomas Mollison No, not really.

Boy He doesn't talk and shit.

Thomas Mollison Yes, he doesn't talk.

Boy Then why does he make all that fuckin noise?

Maggie Mollison Hello, boys. Where do you live?

Kristin I came to this country at a time in my life where I completely doubted myself. Then, when I arrived here, I discovered that I had inherited a vineyard. It was shriveling and dying - much like me. So, I nurtured it and I came to realize that I inherited so much more than a vineyard. I inherited an opportunity to fulfill my purpose. So, I inherited me.

Annie Graham My mom died a week ago. So I'm just here for trying it. I have a lot of resistance to things like this, but I came to these a couple years ago. Well, I was forced to come and I guess it, um... I guess it helped. So, um... My mom was old and she wasn't all together there at the end. And we were pretty much estranged before that, so it really wasn't a huge blow. But I did love her. And she didn't have an easy life. She had ], which became extreme at the end. And ]. And my father died when I was a baby from starvation, um, because he had ] and he starved himself, which I'm sure was just as pleasant as it sounds. And then there's my brother. My older brother had ] and when he was 16 he hanged himself in my mother's bedroom and of course the suicide note blamed her accusing her of putting people inside him. So. That was my mom's life. And then she lived in our house at the end before hospice. We weren't even talking before that. I mean, we were and then we weren't. And then we were. She's completely manipulative. Until my husband finally enforced a no-contact rule, which lasted until I got pregnant with my daughter. I didn't let her anywhere near me when I had my first, my son, which is why I gave her my daughter, who she immediately stabbed her hooks into. And I just... I felt guilty again. I felt guilty again. When she got sick, not that she was really even my mom at the end, and not that she would ever feel guilty about anything. And I just don't want to put any more stress on my family. I'm not even really sure if they could... Could give me that support. And I just... I just feel like... I just sometimes feel like it's all ruined. And then I realize that I am to blame. Or not that I'm to blame, but I am blamed!

Mandy Slade Time, places, people,... they're all speeding up. So, to cope with this evolutionary paranoia, strange people are chosen who, through their art, can move progress more quickly.

Rose Feller You're not going to look like this forever, you know. Eventually you'll be older, and all of the men who foot your bill now will be buying drinks for women half your age and then what will you do? Well, you'd better think of something because middle-aged tramps aren't cute, they're pathetic.

Kristin Shouldn't I stay here and work on my marriage?

Jenny You should work on getting your pussy pounded.

Joni Thrombey Wait a minute - I read a ] about a ] article about you!

Cole Sear You know the accident up there?

Lynn Sear Yeah.

Cole Sear Someone got hurt.

Lynn Sear They did?

Cole Sear A lady. She died.

Lynn Sear Oh, my God. What, you can see her?

Cole Sear Yes.

Lynn Sear Where is she?

Cole Sear Standing next to my window.

Lynn Sear Cole, you're scaring me.

Cole Sear They scare me too sometimes.

Lynn Sear They?

Cole Sear Ghosts.

Jordan We know you still believe in the big fat creeper!

Max I don't know what you're talking about!

Stevie Are you sure about that?

Beth Stop!

Stevie Dear Santa, I know I haven't been great this year and I'm sorry for that, but I was really hoping you can help out me and my family this Christmas. We need you!" Oh, Maxi-Pad. That is so s...

Beth Stop, Max!

Stevie Blah blah blah. Bullshit, bullshit. Ah, here we go, Maxie's wishlist!

Beth Stevie, stop! That's enough!

Stevie Wait, you're up first, Beth! "I wish me and Beth could hang out like we used to. Might've noticed that I don't have tons of friends." Oh no, really Max? "I wish my Mom and Dad could fall in love again. I know they get upset a lot with Dad away from home so much. I think they really just miss each other." "Also, I wish things weren't so hard for Uncle Howard and Aunt Linda. So, maybe you can lend them a hand for the rest of the year. And... and that..." Screw you, Dad does not wish we were boys!

Sarah Who wants crème brûlée?

Max Give me the letter!

Tom Hey! Max?

Howard Alright, that's enough!

Tom You okay? Honey!

Max I just wanted Christmas to be like it used to be, but forget it! I hate Christmas! I hate all of you!

Sarah Max? Max!

Aunt Dorothy Oh, lay off of him! Kid deserves a prize for telling the truth!

Mandy Slade You all know me – subtlety’s my middle name. It’s as subtle as the piece of skin between my vagina and my anus – ooh la! la! Now what’s that called, I can never quite remember...No man’s land? Oh gosh – my guiche, dah-ling!

Kristin Is that ] in your pocket?

Benoit Blanc Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to request that you all stay until the investigation is completed.

Linda Drysdale What?

Joni Thrombey Can we ask why? Has something changed?

Benoit Blanc No...

Joni Thrombey No, it hasn't changed, or no, we can't ask?

Mandy Slade It's funny how beautiful people look when they're walking out the door.

Aldo You can't leave. If the boss says you are the boss, you are the boss now.

Kristin Yeah. Yeah, but, you know what, I am not a boss, like, not in any way shape or form. So, you know, especially, not in a mafia kind of way.

Rose Feller A thong would look ridiculous on me - I wear cotton briefs. My life is about working long hours, planning trips I'll never take, and settling for love found on the pages of romance novels.

Kristin I deserve this. I deserve this. I'm gonna go and I'm gonna have my own ] or "Eat Pray Love".

Jenny Fuck.

Kristin What?

Jenny Eat, Pray, *Fuck*. Say it.

Kristin What? Eat, Pray - Fuck?

Jenny Eat! Pray! Fuck!

Kristin Jesus. Eat, Pray, Fuck.

Kristin Eat, Pray, *Fuck*!

Jenny Louder. Fuck the Vagina!

Kristin Eat, Pray, Fuck!

Kristin and Jenny Eat, Pray, Fuck! Eat, Pray, Fuck! Eat, Pray, Fuck!

Bianca Kristin! Kristin! You can't run away from your destiny.

Kristin Oh, yeah? Watch me. Which way is it?

Kristin You could be a little nicer to me, you know. I just killed someone. I'm a very good person. I am a good mother. I would do anything for my son. I do everything for everyone. ].

Rose Feller I think you should get a job so you don't have to mooch off me for everything.

Maggie Feller What are you talking about? I just got us two rounds of drinks.

Rose Feller No, Cuervo Carl got the drinks and only because he's hoped you'd sleep with him.

Maggie Feller Well, I didn't.

Rose Feller You need a job Maggie.

Maggie Feller I'll get one, When im ready.

Rose Feller There's a whole world out there that has nothing to do with sex you know.

Maggie Feller What the fuck is that supposed to mean?

Kristin I just need a vacation. I just really want my: Eat, Pray, Fuck!

Bianca Eat, Pray, Fuck?

Kristin Yeah, it's a - play on words, you know, the book, ].

Aldo Yeah, it's a very uplifting and moving memoir by ].

Kristin Yes! Yes, see, he knows! I want to make wine and I want to eat pasta and be romanced and...

Bianca But, you came for a funeral.

Kristin Yeah, I mean, you know, after the funeral.

Kristin I was hoping to try ]. I love gnocchi. And I promised myself that if I ever came to Italy, I would eat as much gnocchi as I could.

Joni Thrombey Oh they're my family. I feel simultaneously freed by and supported by them, that balance of opposites is the nugget of Flam.

Rose Feller Why can't I just stay mad at you?

Maggie Feller Because we're a pair. Like... ].

Rose Feller They broke up.

Maggie Feller But they remained quite close.

Rose Feller Was I unfriendly?

Simon Stein No. Not compared to, say, ].

Simon Stein Does this mean that I'm your bitch?

Rose Feller Do you want to be my bitch?

Simon Stein I have wanted to be your bitch since my first day at Dommel.

Bianca It can't be Fabrizio. He started the shootout. He's a hothead - with a horrible temper. ].

Kristin Whose Sonny?

Bianca ]!