Tony RevoloriQuotes

Jason Carvey: I'm sorry, okay? I just got massive blue balls, and I had to practice. Please don't be mad. How mad are you?

Ghostface: Oh...I'm not mad, Jason.

Jason Carvey: Dude, you said we wouldn't use the voice on each other.

Ghostface: We said a lot of things.

Jason Carvey: This is...Greg, right?

Ghostface: [chuckles] Who else would it be?

Jason Carvey: Where are you? I want to tell you about it. Oh, by the way, we should go to that frat party. Tara's going.

Ghostface: What was it like?

Jason Carvey: Not on the phone, man. And, seriously, turn off the fucking voice modulator.

Ghostface: I'm just trying to get the voice right. You got to have your practice, I get mine.

Jason Carvey: Whatever.

Ghostface: Just tell me what it felt like. Then maybe I'll come out.

Jason Carvey: Dude, I know you're not here.

Ghostface: Humor me.

Jason Carvey: [chuckles] All right, fine. It was even better than we ever could've imagined. When the knife went in here, it's like she wasn't human anymore, just an animal. And every time it went in, she was...less and less human. And then, she was...just meat.

Ghostface: But she wasn't just meat, Jason. She was a person, our film professor.

Jason Carvey: Yeah, well...fuck her. She gave me a C-minus on my Giallo paper.

Ghostface: Is that why you killed her? Because of the C-minus? Who's next here? The grade school vice principal?

Jason Carvey: You know who's next. Why are you being like this?

Ghostface: Come on, Jason. How long have we known each other?

Jason Carvey: You tell me.

Ghostface: Eight years. We met in Junior High, in Atlanta. I just want you to tell me why you think you're doing this, in your words.

Jason Carvey: We're finishing Richie's film.

Ghostface: That's right. By killing Sam and Tara.

Jason Carvey: Why are you fucking with me? Why won't you tell me where you are?

Ghostface: [beat] Why do you keep asking me that? I already told you. I'm here. Let's play a game. Do you know Warm or Colder? Come on. Find me, and then we'll go and cut up the Carpenter sisters.

Jason Carvey: [flips the bird at a camera] Are you using the fucking cameras?

Ghostface: Yeah, the cameras. And at that moment, you're very, very cold.

Jason Carvey: All right, douchebag. Let's play.

Ghostface: [Jason walks away from the bedroom; Jason approaches a closet] Cold. Heating up. Warmer. Warmer.

Jason Carvey: All right, you know what? This is stupid. I'm gonna hang up now.

Ghostface: [Jason approaches the kitchen, and starts to walk away from it; Jason notices the fridge and slowly starts walking towards it; Jason prepares to open the fridge] But you're getting warmer. Colder. Warmer. Warmer. You're on fire!

Jason Carvey: [shocked] Fuck!

Ghostface: [Stabs him multiple times in the stomach] Do you feel like an animal, Jason? Like meat?

Jason Carvey: [falls to his knees] But...we have to finish the movie.

Ghostface: [Stabs Jason one more time, killing him] Who gives a fuck about movies?!

Jason Carvey: Okay, I think I'm on Hudson. Um, what color's the outside of the restaurant?

Laura Crane: I think it's red.

Jason Carvey: I don't see anything red.

Laura Crane: I, um, I could be wrong. Let me just, um, let me go and have a little look see.

Jason Carvey: Okay. Thank you.

Laura Crane: Hang on. Yep, it's definitely red.

Jason Carvey: Yeah, I don't see anything red here.

Laura Crane: You sure you're on Hudson?

Jason Carvey: Uh...oh, crap. I'm still a block over. Oh, it looks like there's an alley I can cut through. Is the restaurant near an alley?

Laura Crane: [notices a nearby alley] Um... Yes, yes, there is an alley.

Jason Carvey: Oh, perfect. Okay. I'm coming down the alley.

Laura Crane: I don't see you.

Jason Carvey: [Laura crosses the road and walks into the alley] Wait, really? Are you sure? Uh, there's some dumpsters about halfway down.

Laura Crane: I see them, but I don't see you.

Jason Carvey: Yeah, I don't see you either. This is...creepy, right?

Laura Crane: Uh, a little bit.

Jason Carvey: [chuckles] 20th century slashers, huh?

Laura Crane: Yeah. Are you sure you're walking towards Hudson?

Jason Carvey: I'm sure. Oh, wait! I think I see you. Can you wave?

Laura Crane: [waves] Can you see me?

Jason Carvey: Uh, the person I'm looking at isn't waving. They're just staring at me.

Laura Crane: Are you sure?

Jason Carvey: Okay, this is weird. Uh...now they're moving towards me.

Laura Crane: Are you okay?

Jason Carvey: Oh, shit. He's following me.

Laura Crane: [walks straight into the alley] I don't see anybody.

Jason Carvey: Oh, shit! He's after me!

Laura Crane: Where are you?

Jason Carvey: He's got a knife! He's got a knife!

Laura Crane: What? What?

Jason Carvey: And that isn't the worst part! The worst part is...

Ghostface: ...you teach a class about slashers, and you still walked into a dark alley...alone.

Laura Crane: That's not funny.

Ghostface: [Long beat] Ha. No. It’s not.

Ghostface: Now I see something red!

The Author: Is it simply your last connection to that vanished world—his world, if you will?

Zero: His world? No, I don't think so. You see, we shared a vocation; it wouldn't have been necessary. No, the hotel I keep for Agatha. We were happy here, for a little while. To be frank, I think his world had vanished long before he ever entered it. But I will say, he certainly sustained the illusion with a marvelous grace.

Zero: [Reading a letter from M. Gustave] My dear and trusted colleagues...

M. Gustave: I miss you deeply as I write from the confines of my regrettable and preposterous incarceration. Until I walk amongst you again as a free man, the Grand Budapest remains in your hands, as does its impeccable reputation. Keep it spotless, and glorify it. Take extra-special care of every little bitty bit of it as if I were watching over you like a hawk with a horse-whip in its talons, because I am. Should I discover a lapse of any variety during my absence, I promise swift and merciless justice will descend upon you. A great and noble house has been placed under your protection. Tell Zero if you see any funny business.

Zero: [Finishing the letter] Your devoted Monsieur Gustave.

M. Gustave: [Of Mme. Celine] She was dynamite in the sack, by the way.

Zero: ...She was 84, Monsieur Gustave.

M. Gustave: Mmm, I've had older. When you're young, it's all filet steak, but as the years go by, you have to move on to the cheap cuts. Which is fine with me, because I like those. More flavorful, or so they say.

M. Gustave: [after seeing police at reception] Have you ever been questioned by the authorities?

Zero: Yes, on one occasion, I was arrested and tortured by the rebel militia after the Desert Uprising.

M. Gustave: You know the drill, then, zip it.

Zero: Of course.

M. Gustave: You've never hears the word "van Hoytl" in your life. Okay, let's go.

M. Gustave: How may we serve you, gentlemen? Ah, Inspector Henckels!

Henckels: By order of the commissioner of police, Zubrowka Province, I hereby place you under arrest for the murder of Madame Celine Villenueve Desgoffe-und-Taxis.

M. Gustave: I knew there was something fishy. We never got the cause of death. She's been murdered, and you think I did it.

Henckels: HEY! STOP!

M. Gustave: I'm not angry with Serge; you can't blame someone for their basic lack of moral fiber. He's a frightened little yellow-bellied coward. It's not his fault, is it?

Zero: I don't know, it depends.

M. Gustave: Well, you can say that about most anything, "it depends". Of course it depends.

Zero: Of course it depends, of course it depends.

M. Gustave: Yes, I suppose you're right; of course it depends. However, that doesn't mean I'm not going to throttle the little swamp rat.

M. Gustave: The beginning of the end of the end of the beginning has begun. A sad finale played, off-key, on a broken-down saloon piano in the outskirts of a forgotten ghost town. I’d rather not bear witness to such blasphemy.

Zero: Me, neither.

M. Gustave: The Grand Budapest has become a troop’s barracks. I shall never cross its threshold again in my lifetime.

Zero: Me, neither.

M. Gustave: Never again shall...

Zero: [pointing at Dmitri] Actually, I think we might be going in right now, after all.

M. Gustave: Serge X, missing. Deputy Kovacs, also missing. Madame D, dead. Boy with Apple, stolen (by us). Dmitri and Jopling, ruthless, cold-blooded savages. Gustave H, at large. What else?

Zero: Zero, confused.

M. Gustave: Zero, confused, indeed. The plot "thickens" as they say. Why, by the way? Is it a soup metaphor?

Zero: I don't know.

M. Gustave: It's quite a thing, winning the loyalty of a woman like that for nineteen consecutive seasons.

Zero: Um... yes, sir.

M. Gustave: She's very fond of me, you know.

Zero: Yes, sir.

M. Gustave: I've never seen her like that before.

Zero: No, sir.

M. Gustave: She was shaking like a shitting dog.

Zero: ...Truly.

Zero: What happened?

M. Gustave: [Takes a sip of water and laughs] What happened, my dear Zero, is I beat the living shit out of a sniveling little runt called Pinky Bandinski, who had the gall to question my virility. Because, if there's one thing we've learned from penny dreadfuls, it's that when you find yourself in a place like this, you must never be a candy ass; you've got to prove yourself from day one. You've got to win their respect. You should take a long look at HIS ugly mug this morning. He's actually become a dear friend. You'll meet him, I hope.