Memorable Quotes from W.C. Fields
8 quotesThe Ease of Following the Current
Commodore Jackson
Even a dead fish can float downstream.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Duplicate in a High-Stakes Game
Gambler #1
Four aces.
Commodore Jackson
Huh?
Gambler #2
That's funny... I've got four aces.
Commodore Jackson
Oh, don't tell me.
Gambler #1
There's only four aces in the deck and the man that holds the first four wins.
[brandishing a pistol]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Unique Comparison of Women and Elephants
Commodore Jackson
I like women as I like elephants, I like to look at em but I wouldn't own one.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Game of Chance or Skill?
Naive card-player
Is this a game of chance?
Commodore Jackson
Not the way I play it, no.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Historical Inaccuracy in Dialogue Exchange
Commodore Jackson
My last encounter with the redskins was over thirty-five years ago. I was a mere stripling.
Skeptical Passenger
Is that so?
Commodore Jackson
I whipped out my revolver...
Skeptical Passenger
Revolvers weren't invented thirty-five years ago.
Commodore Jackson
Uh... uh... I know that, but the Indians didn't know it. It doesn't matter - I threw it away.
Female passenger
Oh, how exciting - please don't interrupt.
Commodore Jackson
I had just swum the rapids. I had my canoe under one arm and a Rocky Mountain goat under the other.
Skeptical Passenger
How could you swim without the use of your arms?
Commodore Jackson
Uh, uh... in those days I had, uh, I had very strong legs. Uh, excuse me. very strong limbs.
[sheepishly doffs hat to woman]
Female passenger
You must have been full of fire in your youth.
Commodore Jackson
I had to carry fire insurance until I was over forty. As I arrived at the river bank, I was encountered by the entire tribe of the Shug Indians. The most ferocious... have you ever been to Shug country?
Skeptical Passenger
No, I haven't.
[glaring]
Commodore Jackson
Uh, that's fine. I unsheathed my Bowie knife and cut a path through this wall of human flesh, dragging my canoe behind me.
Female passenger
Oh, oh, oh... oh.
[collapsing]
Commodore Jackson
Ah, I'm sorry. Perhaps I've gone too far.
Skeptical Passenger
What, what happened to the goat?
Commodore Jackson
He was very good with mustard.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Toast to Local Spirits
General Rumford
And here… Here is a little jug of liquor.
Commodore Jackson
Oh, thank you. A nice little noggin, yes.
General Rumford
Yeah. It’s made right here on the plantation, so you needn’t be afraid of it.
Commodore Jackson
Never been frightened of liquor in all my life.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Surviving Without Essentials in the Andes
Commodore Jackson
Whilst travelling through the Andes mountains, we lost our corkscrew. Had to live on food and water for several days!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Authority and Obedience in Command
Commodore Jackson
Never mind what I told you! You do as I tell you!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.