Mississippi - Unexpected Duplicate in a High-Stakes Game
Gambler #1:
Four aces.
Commodore Jackson:
Huh?
Gambler #2:
That's funny... I've got four aces.
Commodore Jackson:
Oh, don't tell me.
Gambler #1: [brandishing a pistol]
There's only four aces in the deck and the man that holds the first four wins.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Mississippi - Game of Chance or Skill?
Naive card-player:
Is this a game of chance?
Commodore Jackson:
Not the way I play it, no.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Mississippi - Historical Inaccuracy in Dialogue Exchange
Commodore Jackson:
My last encounter with the redskins was over thirty-five years ago. I was a mere stripling.
Skeptical Passenger:
Is that so?
Commodore Jackson:
I whipped out my revolver...
Skeptical Passenger:
Revolvers weren't invented thirty-five years ago.
Commodore Jackson:
Uh... uh... I know that, but the Indians didn't know it. It doesn't matter - I threw it away.
Female passenger:
Oh, how exciting - please don't interrupt.
Commodore Jackson:
I had just swum the rapids. I had my canoe under one arm and a Rocky Mountain goat under the other.
Skeptical Passenger:
How could you swim without the use of your arms?
Commodore Jackson: [sheepishly doffs hat to woman]
Uh, uh... in those days I had, uh, I had very strong legs. Uh, excuse me. very strong limbs.
Female passenger:
You must have been full of fire in your youth.
Commodore Jackson:
I had to carry fire insurance until I was over forty. As I arrived at the river bank, I was encountered by the entire tribe of the Shug Indians. The most ferocious... have you ever been to Shug country?
Skeptical Passenger: [glaring]
No, I haven't.
Commodore Jackson:
Uh, that's fine. I unsheathed my Bowie knife and cut a path through this wall of human flesh, dragging my canoe behind me.
Female passenger: [collapsing]
Oh, oh, oh... oh.
Commodore Jackson:
Ah, I'm sorry. Perhaps I've gone too far.
Skeptical Passenger:
What, what happened to the goat?
Commodore Jackson:
He was very good with mustard.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Mississippi - A Toast to Local Spirits
General Rumford:
And here… Here is a little jug of liquor.
Commodore Jackson:
Oh, thank you. A nice little noggin, yes.
General Rumford:
Yeah. It’s made right here on the plantation, so you needn’t be afraid of it.
Commodore Jackson:
Never been frightened of liquor in all my life.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Mississippi - Surviving Without Essentials in the Andes
Commodore Jackson:
Whilst travelling through the Andes mountains, we lost our corkscrew. Had to live on food and water for several days!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Mississippi - The Ease of Following the Current
Commodore Jackson:
Even a dead fish can float downstream.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Mississippi - A Unique Comparison of Women and Elephants
Commodore Jackson:
I like women as I like elephants, I like to look at em but I wouldn't own one.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Mississippi - Authority and Obedience in Command
Commodore Jackson:
Never mind what I told you! You do as I tell you!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.