Memorable Quotes from 'Weird Al' Yankovic
15 quotesA Hilarious Misunderstanding About Dog Treats
George Newman
Look up! Look down! Now look at Mr. Frying Pan! Uh-oh. Bobbo fall down go boom. Uuupsy-daisy...Aw, what's wrong, Bobbo? I bet I know! You're hungry, aren't you? Have I got just the thing for you! Yes sir, clowns AND kids alike just can't resist the mouth-watering, lip-smacking taste of Mrs. Hackenberger's Butter Cookies! Right, Bobbo? That's right! And guess what, Mom? They're nutritious, too! Just look at how much Bobbo here likes em! Mmmm, THAT'S GOOOOOD!! And don't forget folks, there's a nifty surprise inside every box of Mrs. Hackenberger's... Heh Heh Heh, UH-OHHH!! Bobbo's been eating...YAPPY'S DOG TREATS!! That's right, Yappy's Dog Treats! Your dog will love that real liver-and-tuna taste... ... With just a hint of cheese...!
[George conks Bobbo in the face with the frying pan; Bobbo honks his horn weakly; He proceeds to stuff Bobbo's face with "cookies," which are actually dog biscuits; George has picked up the wrong box!!; cut to a revolted Bobbo; Bobbo looks ready to vomit; notices his mistake for the first time; Bobbo turns and ''glares'' at Uncle Nutzy as if to say "WHAT Uh-Oh?!?"; a look of horror crosses Bobbo's face, and he runs off to the "little clowns' room."; We hear Bobbo vomiting]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Conflict Over Friendship and Money
Bob
How could you do this to me? I knew this was gonna happen.
George Newman
You're right, Bob. I'm sorry. What can I say? I-I'm a miserable worthless hunk of slime. Here, I want you to take this crowbar and just bash my head right in. Go ahead. Really. Just BASH my head right in.
Bob
George, you know I can't do that. You still owe me 5 bucks.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confrontation Between George Newman and Thug
One of Fletcher's thugs
Who is this guy?
[Motioning towards George]
George Newman
I'm your worst nightmare!
[As Stallone's Rambo]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Bizarre Town Talk Segment Announcement
George Newman
Lesbian Nazi hookers abducted by UFOs and forced into weight-loss programs, all this week on Town Talk!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Cartoon Reflection on Futility and Despair
George Newman
Right now I'd like to show you one of my favorite cartoons. It's a sad, depressing story about a pathetic coyote who spends every waking moment of his life in the futile pursuit of a sadistic roadrunner who MOCKS him and LAUGHS at him as he's repeatedly CRUSHED and MAIMED! Hope you ENJOY IT!!!
[almost tearfully]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Moment of Realization in UHF
George Newman
Wait a minute... I think I'm missing something here.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Frustration in the Beginner's Class
George Newman
Hey, Kuni!
Kuni
Hiya, George!
George Newman
Beginner's class today, huh?
Kuni
Yeah! They're so stupid! STUPID!!!
[A karate student is thrown out the window, it smashes and he falls to the pavement]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Seize Life with Determination and Passion
George Newman
You gotta grab life by the lips and YANK as hard as you can.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Celebrating Ownership of the Station
George Newman
WE DID IT! THE STATION'S OURS!!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Panic Over Time in UHF
George Newman
Oh, no. What time is it!? Seven THIRTY!?
[arm with a watch breaks through the wall, George looks at the watch]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unconventional Thoughts on Furniture and Relationships
George Newman
Sex with furniture, what do you think?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Desperation and Pleading for Forgiveness
George Newman
Teri! I'm sorry! Come on give me one more chance please! Come on Teri! Teri! Oh Oh I'm in hell! I'M IN HELL!! TERI TERI PICK UP THE PHONE!! PICK UP THE PHONE!! PICK UP THE PHONE!!! OH OH TERI!!!!!! PLE-HE-HE-HE-HEASE!
[Message left on Teri's answering machine]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Change in Drinking Habits
George Newman
I need a drink.
Bob
But you don't drink.
George Newman
Yeah, but I've been meaning to start.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Janitor Dreams of Daily Fun
George Newman
Did you have a good time in there, Stanley?
Stanley Spadowski
Yeah yeah. That was FUN.
George Newman
Great! How would you like to do that every day?
Stanley Spadowski
Yeah! That would be neat - WAIT A minute! Do I...still get to be the janitor?
George Newman
Sure.
[Incredulously]
Stanley Spadowski
It's a DEAL!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Frustration towards a foolish companion
George Newman
Oh, shut up, you pinhead! You make me SICK!
[to Satan]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.