'Weird Al' YankovicQuotes

George Newman: Wait a minute... I think I'm missing something here.

George Newman: I need a drink.

Bob: But you don't drink.

George Newman: Yeah, but I've been meaning to start.

One of Fletcher's thugs: [Motioning towards George] Who is this guy?

George Newman: [As Stallone's Rambo] I'm your worst nightmare!

George Newman: Did you have a good time in there, Stanley?

Stanley Spadowski: Yeah yeah. That was FUN.

George Newman: Great! How would you like to do that every day?

Stanley Spadowski: Yeah! That would be neat - WAIT A minute! Do I...still get to be the janitor?

George Newman: [Incredulously] Sure.

Stanley Spadowski: It's a DEAL!

George Newman: Hey, Kuni!

Kuni: Hiya, George!

George Newman: Beginner's class today, huh?

Kuni: [A karate student is thrown out the window, it smashes and he falls to the pavement] Yeah! They're so stupid! STUPID!!!

Bob: How could you do this to me? I knew this was gonna happen.

George Newman: You're right, Bob. I'm sorry. What can I say? I-I'm a miserable worthless hunk of slime. Here, I want you to take this crowbar and just bash my head right in. Go ahead. Really. Just BASH my head right in.

Bob: George, you know I can't do that. You still owe me 5 bucks.

George Newman: WE DID IT! THE STATION'S OURS!!

George Newman: [Message left on Teri's answering machine] Teri! I'm sorry! Come on give me one more chance please! Come on Teri! Teri! Oh Oh I'm in hell! I'M IN HELL!! TERI TERI PICK UP THE PHONE!! PICK UP THE PHONE!! PICK UP THE PHONE!!! OH OH TERI!!!!!! PLE-HE-HE-HE-HEASE!

George Newman: [almost tearfully] Right now I'd like to show you one of my favorite cartoons. It's a sad, depressing story about a pathetic coyote who spends every waking moment of his life in the futile pursuit of a sadistic roadrunner who MOCKS him and LAUGHS at him as he's repeatedly CRUSHED and MAIMED! Hope you ENJOY IT!!!

George Newman: [to Satan] Oh, shut up, you pinhead! You make me SICK!

George Newman: [arm with a watch breaks through the wall, George looks at the watch] Oh, no. What time is it!? Seven THIRTY!?

George Newman: You gotta grab life by the lips and YANK as hard as you can.

George Newman: [George conks Bobbo in the face with the frying pan; Bobbo honks his horn weakly; He proceeds to stuff Bobbo's face with "cookies," which are actually dog biscuits; George has picked up the wrong box!!; cut to a revolted Bobbo; Bobbo looks ready to vomit; notices his mistake for the first time; Bobbo turns and ''glares'' at Uncle Nutzy as if to say "WHAT Uh-Oh?!?"; a look of horror crosses Bobbo's face, and he runs off to the "little clowns' room."; We hear Bobbo vomiting] Look up! Look down! Now look at Mr. Frying Pan! Uh-oh. Bobbo fall down go boom. Uuupsy-daisy...Aw, what's wrong, Bobbo? I bet I know! You're hungry, aren't you? Have I got just the thing for you! Yes sir, clowns AND kids alike just can't resist the mouth-watering, lip-smacking taste of Mrs. Hackenberger's Butter Cookies! Right, Bobbo? That's right! And guess what, Mom? They're nutritious, too! Just look at how much Bobbo here likes em! Mmmm, THAT'S GOOOOOD!! And don't forget folks, there's a nifty surprise inside every box of Mrs. Hackenberger's... Heh Heh Heh, UH-OHHH!! Bobbo's been eating...YAPPY'S DOG TREATS!! That's right, Yappy's Dog Treats! Your dog will love that real liver-and-tuna taste... ... With just a hint of cheese...!

George Newman: Sex with furniture, what do you think?

George Newman: Lesbian Nazi hookers abducted by UFOs and forced into weight-loss programs, all this week on Town Talk!