The Brothers Solomon - Personal Growth Through Challenging Moments
Dean Solomon:
THERE YOU GO AGAIN, MAKING ME A BETTER PERSON!
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The Brothers Solomon - Exploring Unconventional Methods of Conception
John Solomon:
I think we maybe need to broaden our search to include less conventional methods of having a baby.
Dean Solomon:
Like anal?
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The Brothers Solomon - Concerns About a Child's Appearance
John Solomon: [points to picture of adoption agency representatives son]
Do you have any pictures of the kids? Something that we can... Oh, Dean. How about that little guy?
Dean Solomon: [agency representative appears visibly upset]
No friggin way! Under no circumstances. Hes got like Bells Palsy or something.
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The Brothers Solomon - Unexpected Consequences of an Accident
John Solomon:
So she got hit by a bus, huh? Poor girl.
Dean Solomon:
Yeah, the bus took a pretty serious hit too. I mean she was a large girl. Comfortably in the 200s.
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The Brothers Solomon - Awkward Conversations About Intimacy and Appeal
John Solomon:
I literally cannot wait to feel myself inside you!
Janine:
Whoa! The only thing you're going to feel yourself inside of is a cold Dixie cup!
Dean Solomon:
Well, that certainly doesn't make your vagina sound very appealing.
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Nebraska - Hat or Seat Cushion Choice
Receptionist: [after telling Woody he hasn't won the money]
I can give you a free gift. Would you like a hat or a seat cushion?
David Grant:
Dad? Do you want a hat or a seat cushion?
Woody Grant:
I'll take a hat.
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Nebraska - A Request for Meatloaf at Dinner
Kate Grant:
Why do you want meatloaf if it isn't even on the dinner menu?
Woody Grant:
Cause I like it.
Waitress:
What can I get you?
Woody Grant:
Do you have any meatloaf?
Waitress:
No, that's only part of our lunch specials.
Kate Grant:
He'll have the chicken.
Waitress:
Fried or grilled?
Woody Grant:
Fried.
Kate Grant:
He'll have it grilled. I think I'd like the roast beef, but I'm not entirely sure. What do you recommend?
Waitress:
Everything's all good ma'am, but I especially like the tilapia.
Kate Grant:
Oh, then I'll have the roast beef.
David Grant:
I'll have the tilapia.
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Nebraska - Belief and Reality in Communication
Receptionist: [about Woody]
Does he have Alzheimer's?
David Grant:
No, he just believes what people tell him.
Receptionist:
That's too bad.
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Nebraska - Family Tensions and Harsh Memories
Kate Grant: [looking at graves]
There's Woody's little sister, Rose. She was only nineteen when she was killed in a car wreck near Wausa. What a whore!
David Grant:
Mom!
Kate Grant:
Nah, I liked Rose, but my God, she was a slut.
David Grant:
C'mon...
Kate Grant:
I'm just telling you the truth!
David Grant:
Where's your family?
Kate Grant: [approaches another tombstone]
Oh, they're over in the Catholic cemetery. Catholics wouldn't be caught dead around all these damn Lutherans. Here's Delmer, Woody's cousin, he was a drunk. One time we were wrestling and he felt me up. Grabbed a handful of boob and Woody was right there and didn't have a clue, did ya Woody?
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Nebraska - Small Town Memories and Mischievous Youth
Kate Grant: [to Woody]
That's Ed Pegram singing. Did you know that he was always trying to get in my bloomers?
David Grant:
Jesus Mom! Was the whole town trying to seduce you?
Kate Grant:
These boys grow up staring at the rear ends of cows and pigs, it's only natural that a real woman will get them chafing their pants.
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MacGruber - Desperation for Clarity in Communication
MacGruber:
Just tell me what you want me to fuck!
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MacGruber - Unexpected Enthusiasm for a Moment
MacGruber:
That was fuckin tits
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MacGruber - Embracing Chaos with MacGruber's Humor
MacGruber:
Classic Macgruber
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MacGruber - A crude expression of frustration and humor
MacGruber:
I bet you wish your nose was a dick so you could fuck butts!
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MacGruber - Defiance in the Face of Adversity
MacGruber:
I got a better idea, no fucking way!
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MacGruber - Confronting an Adversary with Determination
MacGruber:
Pound some Cunth.
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MacGruber - The Importance of Persistence in Life
MacGruber:
Never ever say never ever'.
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MacGruber - MacGruber's Reaction to Insanity
MacGruber:
* Subtited: You're crazy, man!
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MacGruber - Acknowledge the Madness
MacGruber:
You're loco, man!
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MacGruber - Desperate Measures in Extreme Circumstances
MacGruber:
If ripping throats gets that warhead back, I'll suck as many dicks as I've go— I'll rip as many throats as I have to!
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Strays - Conflict and Agreement Amongst Strays
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Strays - The Joys of Freedom for Stray Dogs
Reggie: [He and the other dogs walk away laughing, except for Hunter, who's still peeing.]
Yeah, well it is kinda awesome not having to hold my pee for ten hours until Doug lets me outside. And I like the sound of "legend" a lot more than "shitbag".
Hunter:
Guys, I'm still peeing.
Maggie:
Wait, is that really what he called you?
Reggie:
And I really don't miss roasting in the car when he stops at a store, and he leaves me with the windows cracked barely enough for me to stay conscious.
Maggie:
Wait, what?
Reggie: [chuckles and sighs]
And I'm just panting, gasping for air and trying to survive until he comes back in 45 minutes. Classic Doug. Too funny.
Maggie:
So, this guy neglects you, throws you on the street, and you still think he's a good guy?
Reggie:
Yeah. I mean, if Doug doesn't like me, why does he let me eat his leftover human food?
Hunter:
So he doesn't have to buy dog food.
Bug:
And why didn't he put a collar and tags on you?
Reggie:
Because he doesn't believe in labels.
Bug:
Oh, come on, Reg.
Reggie:
And the bandana he gave me is way more special than a collar, cause he used it for his penis sneezes.
Maggie:
Ew.
Hunter:
Ew.
Reggie: [begins to realize; short pause]
Doug loves me. We have a good relationship. You just don't understand the situation, because if Doug's such a bad guy, and he... he left me on purpose, and he hurt me on purpose, that would mean... that would mean... Doug doesn't love me. Can, uh, you guys just give me a second?
Maggie: [sighs]
Poor little guy.
Hunter:
That is just the classic toxic relationship. I should probably talk to him. I am a therapy dog.
Bug:
Nah, give him some space. Kid's been through a lot.
Doug: [in the flashbacks; imitates barking]
That's what you fucking sound like, you piece of shit. Oh, get off! Get-- Bad dog! BAD DOG! BAD DOG! Worst dog in the fucking world.
Maggie:
Hey, Reggie. I know you're feeling hurt right now, and it's-- It must be so hard to figure out what to do.
Reggie:
I'm going back to Doug's.
Maggie:
What?!
Bug:
The fuck, man? What's it gonna take for you to understand that he's not playing a game with you?
Reggie:
And I'm not playing a game with him.
Bug:
Okay...?
Reggie:
All my life, I felt like I wasn't worth anything unless I heard those words, "Good boy". But they never came. Well, he needs to know he's hurt me. He needs to feel my pain. And he needs to pay for what he did with the only thing he truly loves! I'm gonna bite his dick off.
Maggie: [surprised]
Oh.
Hunter:
Wait, did he just say bite?
Bug:
Yeah, I'm still a little drunk, but did I just hear you say that you--
Reggie:
I said I'm gonna bite his dick off!
Bug:
Oh, I'm a hundred percent in for this.
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