17 Again - The Importance of Self-Respect
Mike O Donnell: [the girls are mercilessly trying to seduce him]
Listen, girls. If you don't respect yourself, how do you expect others to respect you?
Nicole:
Don't respect me.
Jaime:
No! Don't respect me.
Samantha:
You don't even have to remember my name!
Nicole: [surprised]
Okay, wow.
Jaime:
Yeah, that's like, really slutty.
Samantha:
I know, right?
Mike O'Donnell: [quietly to himself while walking away]
Forget it. This is some other dad's problem.
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17 Again - Conflict Over Dating Choices and Family Loyalty
Mike O'Donnell: [from trailer]
Why are you dating him? He's bullying your brother.
Maggie O'Donnell:
Who are you, my father?
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Baywatch - Uncertainty and Humor in Challenging Situations
Matt Brody:
Will it work? Maybe. Will there be some surprises along the way? Abso-fucking-lutely. Is anyone gonna die? I don't know. Maybe Ronnie.
Ronnie Greenbaum:
Sorry, what?
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Baywatch - Misunderstanding about a modern character
Ronnie Greenbaum: [[J. Edgar Hoover]
She's like some sort of modern-day ].
Matt Brody:
The vacuum guy.
Ronnie Greenbaum:
No.
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Baywatch - Confusion Over Technical Terminology in Planning
Matt Brody:
So, Dave had access to Leeds server.
Ronnie Greenbaum:
Her server? You mean her network.
Matt Brody:
Yeah, her network, that's what I meant. Okay, so we just take a flash drive, and we plug it in, you know, get in to her cloud, and then steal all her cookies, right, and then we're straight through the firewall.
Ronnie Greenbaum:
Okay, literally none of what you said made any sense.
Matt Brody:
Straight over the firewall.
Ronnie Greenbaum:
It's not, like, a physical thing you do.
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Baywatch - Understanding Perspectives in Baywatch Dialogue
Matt Brody:
What do you mean You People'?
Mitch Buchannon:
You don't get to say that. You're just tan.
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Baywatch - Discussion of an Unlikely Smuggling Scheme
Mitch Buchannon:
How about diamond smugglers who are putting the rocks in surfboards and bringing them ashore?
Matt Brody:
Everything that you guys are talking about sounds like a really, like, entertaining but far-fetched TV show.
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Baywatch - A Humorous Take on Intuition and Caution
Mitch Buchannon:
My gut says there's some bad shit going on over there, and my balls say we need to go over there and check it out.
Matt Brody:
Your balls said that?
Mitch Buchannon:
Yes, they did.
Matt Brody: [in a high-pitched voice]
Okay, my balls say "Just take it easy right here. Just chill.
Mitch Buchannon:
Why the fuck do your balls sound like three-year-old girls?
Matt Brody:
I don't know, man. That's just how they talk. But they're wise.
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Baywatch - Unintended Glances and Awkward Conversations
Summer Quinn:
Did you just, uh look at my boobs?
Matt Brody: [looks down at her]
Ah, that was not my intention...I didn't, uh, stare directly at them.
Summer Quinn: [laughs]
You're looking at them right now.
Matt Brody: [looks down again]
No I didn't. Now I did. Cause you're talking about them.
Summer Quinn: [bouncing her breasts]
Testing... Oh, failed. Oh my god. We're gonna be in swimsuits a lot, so...
Matt Brody:
Yeah.
Summer Quinn:
If it's going to be a problem for you...
Matt Brody:
There's not a problem at all, for me.
Summer Quinn:
Yeah.
Matt Brody:
Cool.
Summer Quinn: [walks off]
Alright. You just looked at them again.
Matt Brody:
No, I didn't...I was...I didn't...I mean, when you point them out like that... It's a compliment, if you think about it, sort of.
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Baywatch - Team Introduction at Baywatch Qualifiers
Mitch Buchannon:
Hey, fresh face. You here for the qualifiers?
Matt Brody:
Uh, no, no, I'm not trying out. I'm actually already on the team.
Mitch Buchannon:
You're already on this team?
Matt Brody:
I'm Matt Brody. Ready for duty.
Mitch Buchannon:
Ready for duty"? Oh, okay. Um, you got any papers or anything like that?
Matt Brody:
I do. There you go.
Mitch Buchannon:
Oh, it's a permission slip. Literally. "Dear Mitch, I am pleased to write you on behalf of Mr. Matt Brody." Right. Well, no free passes.
Matt Brody:
Yeah. Whoa.
Mitch Buchannon:
At all. Yeah, cause I don't give a shit.
Matt Brody:
I legit needed those for my taxes.
Mitch Buchannon:
What you need is to understand that if you're going to be on this team, you got to earn it.
Matt Brody:
Really?
Mitch Buchannon: [[w:One Direction|One Direction]
Yeah. So, why don't we start this whole thing over, just like gentlemen? Where you from, ]?
Matt Brody:
Um... Iowa? Iowa? You heard of it?
Mitch Buchannon:
Yeah, I know what it is. Hey, Steph.
Stephanie Holden:
Hey.
Mitch Buchannon: [[w:New Kids on the Block|New Kids on the Block]
] here is from Iowa.
Stephanie Holden:
Oh, man.
Mitch Buchannon:
And, uh, he says he's already on the team. Yeah. Doesn't have to try out.
Stephanie Holden:
Really?
Mitch Buchannon:
Yeah, absolutely. Let me ask you this...A lot of oceans in Iowa?
Stephanie Holden:
No, just ponds and lakes and cocky pretty boys, apparently.
Mitch Buchannon:
Uh-huh. Cocky pretty boys.
Stephanie Holden:
Hey, Mitch, what happened to that last pretty boy recruit we had?
Mitch Buchannon:
He died.
Stephanie Holden:
R.I.P.
Matt Brody:
Are you guys being serious right now? I honestly can't tell. You show up here, matching bathing suits. What is this, "lifeguard hazing"? I'm Matt Brody. I hold the world record in the 200 meter. Two gold medals.
Mitch Buchannon:
Hey! Matt Brody.
Stephanie Holden:
Matt Brody.
Mitch Buchannon:
Yes, yes. Absolutely. And we still don't give a fuck.
Stephanie Holden:
Don't give a fuck.
Mitch Buchannon:
No, fresh out.
Stephanie Holden:
Fresh out of fucks.
Mitch Buchannon:
Yeah. Okay, that ocean out there has riptides that'll tear your little mangina in two.
Matt Brody:
My mangina? So you are being serious.
Mitch Buchannon: [[w:NSYNC|NSYNC]
Dead serious, right now, ], all right? This ain't no little fucking pond out of Iowa. So with all due respect, you want to be here on this team, on our team, you're gonna have to earn it.
Matt Brody: [slaps Mitch's face lightly]
Look, I get it. You're big, sasquatch. But I'm fast. Really fucking fast. Which is why somebody important thinks I belong here. So when you two figure out who the fuck I am, you can find me on the beach. See you.
Stephanie Holden:
Did that really just happen?
Mitch Buchannon:
It did. He slapped me.
Stephanie Holden:
Wow.
Mitch Buchannon:
Yeah. His hands were soft and supple though, like a woman. No offense.
Stephanie Holden:
None taken.
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Baywatch - Unexpected Proposals and Flirty Banter
Matt Brody:
Hey. I'm more motivated than ever. So you're going to make me guess your name? Are you following me?
Summer Quinn:
I was actually just going to ask you the same thing. Okay. Look, you're hot. I may resist for a while, but we both know eventually I'll give in. So why don't we just skip that. Why don't you put a baby in me? Now.
Matt Brody:
You know, honestly... I was thinking dinner first. But we could try the baby thing, if you want.
Summer Quinn:
You are trying. Way too hard.
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Baywatch - Indifference in Introductions
Matt Brody:
Hey, I'm Matt Brody!
Summer Quinn:
And not a single fuck was given...
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Baywatch - Matt Brody Seeks Help with Computers
Matt Brody:
Ronnie, I need your help. Because as much as I know about laptops, I don't know shit about computers...
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Dirty Grandpa - Humorous Comparison of Generations and Interference
Dick Kelly:
You're like some sort of cock blocking terminator sent back from the future to cock block humans.
Jason Kelly:
Ah, got ya.
Dick Kelly:
The robots should've sent you instead of Arnold Schwarzenegger, you could've cock blocked John Conners parents and he never would've been born.
Jason Kelly:
Shut up Grandpa. Shut up.
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Dirty Grandpa - Unconventional Appearance Comparison
Jason Kelly: [shows up in a yellow sweater and plaid slacks]
Well, how do I look?
Dick Kelly:
Like the keynote speaker at a butt-fucking convention.
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Dirty Grandpa - Golfing Rivalry Takes an Unexpected Turn
Dick Kelly:
We have a long-standing bet - who's the better golfer. Obviously, I've got the bigger three-wood.
Lenore:
Good. Maybe you can use it to hit your balls right into my vagina.
Jason Kelly:
Holy shit.
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Dirty Grandpa - A Crude Preference for Unconventional Experiences
Jason Kelly:
Being a corporate lawyer, it's got its upsides.
Dick Kelly:
You know what I'd rather do?
Jason Kelly:
What?
Dick Kelly:
I'd rather let Queen Latifah shit in my mouth from a fucking hot air balloon.
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Dirty Grandpa - Debating Grandma's Death and Its Circumstances
Cousin Nick:
Fuckin sucks dick about grandma, huh? Old woman fuckin murdered like that.
Jason Kelly:
I think she had cancer.
Cousin Nick:
We'll never know the truth.
Jason Kelly:
We absolutely know the truth. Grandma had cancer for ten years.
Cousin Nick:
You don't just die from cancer, Jason.
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Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates - Surrounded by People Everywhere
Dave Stangle: [making out with Alice on a picnic table]
Wait, there's people everywhere.
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Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates - A Simple Compliment on Kindness
Dave Stangle: [sitting on a tree branch with Alice]
I think you're nice.
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Hairspray - An Apology for Hair Disruption
Link Larkin:
Sorry, little darlin'. Hope I didn’t dent your do.
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