Zero Mostel Quotes

Max Bialystock Next time I produce a play, no author.

Max Bialystock How could this happen? I was so careful. I picked the wrong play, the wrong director, the wrong cast. Where did I go right?

Max Bialystock You lousy fruit! You RUINED ME!!

Max Bialystock That's exactly why we want to produce this play. To show the world the true Hitler, the Hitler you loved, the Hitler you knew, the Hitler with a song in his heart.

Max Bialystock Bloom, look at me. Look at me, Bloom! Bloom, I'm drowning. Other men sail through life. Bialystock has struck a reef. Bloom, I'm going under. I'm being sunk by a society that demands success when all I can offer is failure. Bloom, I'm reaching out to you. Don't send me to prison. HELP!!!

Daisy Oh, they're singing!

John Have you ever seen the plays of Eugene Ionesco?

Max Bialystock How humiliating. Max Bialystock. Max Bialystock. You know who I used to be? Max Bialystock! King of Broadway! Six shows running at once! Lunch at Delmonico's. $200 suits. You see this? This once held a pearl as big as your eye! Look at me now. LOOK AT ME NOW! I'm wearing a cardboard belt! I used to have thousands of investors begging, pleading to put their money in a Max Bialystock production. Look at my investors now. Voila! Hundreds of little old ladies stopping off at Max Bialystock's office to grab a last thrill on the way to the cemetery! You have exactly 10 seconds to change that look of disgusting pity into one of enormous respect. One, two... Do the books. Do the books...Window's so filthy, can't tell whether it's day or night out there.

Max Bialystock That's it, baby, when you've got it, flaunt it, flaunt it!