12 quotes
A Discussion on Parenthood Challenges
Mrs. Hathaway
I love kids. Unfortunately, Mr. Hathaway and I aren't able to have children. He has a low sperm count.
Michael
Some guys have all the luck.
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Unexpected Reactions to Parenthood's Challenges
Michael
How can something so small create so much of something so disgusting?
Peter
Beats the shit out of me.
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A Humorous Exchange About Changing Diapers
Michael
She did a doodle; your turn to change her.
Peter
I'll give you a $1,000.00 if you'll do it.
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Teeth as a Measure of Age
Peter
Feel her teeth.
Michael
What?
Peter
The druggist said you can tell how old she is by feeling her teeth.
Michael
I'm not going to feel her teeth, YOU feel her teeth!
Peter
I can't feel anything.
Michael
What does that mean?
Peter
It means she doesn't have any damn teeth!
Michael
Well, neither did Gabby Hayes and he was 90, so what?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Life Changes Through Unexpected Responsibilities
Taglines
They changed her diapers. She changed their lives.
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Feeding Babies: A Forgotten Experience
Peter
All we have to do is feed it, it'll shut up.
Michael
I don't know what babies eat.
Peter
Soft stuff. We were babies once, for God's sake. What did we eat?
Michael
I don't know, but it couldn't have been very good. I can't remember!
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Architect's Confidence in Changing Diapers
Peter
I'm an architect, for Christ's sake, I build 50 story skyscrapers, I assemble cities of the future, I can certainly put together a goddamn diaper.
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Men Navigating Parenthood Challenges
Taglines
Peter, Michael and Jack know a thing or two about women. But when it comes to babies, they're all wet.
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Unexpected Transformation in a Casual Encounter
Jack
Angelyne! Whew! Boy, you look different. What happened?
Angelyne
I'm dressed.
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Diaper Size and Absorbency Discussion
Michael
Whoa, these diapers are way too big!
Peter
They're ultra absorbent! The more absorbent, the better, if you ask me.
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Misplaced Baby Powder During Bath Time
Peter
Where'd you put the baby powder?
Michael
Down the hall, I'll get it.
Peter
What'd you put it out there for? We're bathing her in here.
Michael
It's just down the hall!
Peter
Well, we're not bathing her in the hall, are we?
Michael
Well, maybe we should START, goddamn it!
Peter
You're going to clean that up.
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Questioning Beliefs About Parenthood and Divinity
Rebecca
Jack has a baby?
Peter
I realize such a concept tends to negate our belief in a benevolent God, but yes.
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