13 quotes
Conflict of Opinions in a Legal Dispute
Albert
Mr. Burns, you can assume at this point that Miss Markowitz is no longer involved with your case. The Board will be informed that she is no longer involved with this particular case. Her continuing here, to discuss your case -- at this point -- is entirely unofficial. You can dismiss any conference -- that may resume after I leave -- when I leave here, from your mind. And regardless of what you think of me--
Murray
I think you're a dirty O.W.
Albert
And -- do you know what you are? Maladjusted!
Murray
Oooh!
[''strikes heart and sinks to the floor'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Whimsical Take on Nick's Character
Murray Burns
You might call Nick a bastard... or a little bastard, depending on how whimsical you feel at the time.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Celebrating a Local Deli Legend's Birthday
Murray Burns
Irving R. Feldman's birthday is my own personal national holiday. I did not open it up for the public. He is proprietor of perhaps the most distinguished kosher delicatessen in our neighborhood, and, as such, I hold the day of his birth in reverence.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Exploring Identity and Unexpected Possibilities
Sandy
There is a kind of relief that it's gone - the job, and even Albert. But I know what it is, it's just irresponsible, that's all. And I don't have the vaguest idea who I am.
Murray
It's just that there are all these Sandras running around who you've never met before, and it's confusing at first, fantastic. But damn it, isn't it great to find out how many Sandras there are? It's like those little cars in the circus, you know? This tiny red car comes out, hardly big enough for a midget, and it putters around, and suddenly its doors open and out come a thousand clowns, whooping and hollering and raising hell.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Difficult Decision Between Friends
Nick
We got to get rid of him!
Murray
Nick...
[hugging Nick]
Nick
We got to! Please!
Murray
Nick, we can't. We can't. Aw, kid, I'm sorry. Sorry, kid. I'm sorry.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Expectations of Life and Apologies
Murray Burns
Aw, Sandy, that's the most you should expect from life, a really good apology for all the things you won't get.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Concern Over Miss Markowitz's Disappearance
Albert
Miss Markowitz did not show up in Queens yesterday.
Murray
So...
Albert
Well, her parents are quite upset. I am quite upset. Where is she?
Murray
She’s hiding in the closet.
Albert
Now, we’re really all quite anxious to know where she is.
Murray
I’m not kidding, Albert, she’s in the closet.
Albert
She is in the closet.
[''checks the closet, gazes at her momentarily, quickly closes the door, and goes back to talk with Murray'']
Murray
I wouldn’t lie to you, Albert.
Albert
Why is she in the closet?
Murray
I don’t know, uh…she’s got this thing about closets.
Albert
Well, that’s a very silly thing for her to be in, that closet.
Murray
Well, don’t knock it until you’ve tried it. Now, what else can I do for you, Albert?
Albert
That’s a difficult thing for me to believe...I mean, that she’s right there in the closet. You know, you are not a person, Mr. Burns, you are an experience!
Murray
That’s very nice, Albert. I’ll have to remember that.
[''laughing'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstandings in Conversation About Parenthood
Albert
I was not aware that Nicholas was an O.W. child.
Murray
O.W."?
Albert
Out of wedlock.
Murray
For a moment there, I thought you meant prisoner of war. I think it's that natural warmth of yours, Albert, that leads me to misunderstand.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Dread of Daily Routine
Murray
Nick, you are about to see a horrible, horrible thing.
Nick
What's that Murray?
Murray
People going to work.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Critique of Personal Blacklisting in Society
Arnold Burns
Murray, you've got a rotten reputation. Even these guys weren't easy to grab. Why do you have to build your own personal blacklist? Why can't you just get blacklisted as a Communist like everybody else?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Decision to Pursue a Case in Queens
Albert
Sandra, it's really time we left for Queens.
Sandra
Here's the Ledbetter file, I'm staying here.
Albert
Sandra.
Sandra
I have decided to pursue this case.
Albert
Sandra, have we lost all professional control?
Sandra
You just -- you just go yourself -- to the Leadbellies -- you go on to Queens.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Humor in Life's Mundanity
Murray Burns
If things aren't funny then they're exactly what they are; and then they're like a long dental appointment.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Child's Honest Critique of Humor
Nick
My simple child reaction of what you did is that you are not funny. Funnier than you is even Stuart Schlossman, who is my friend, and is eleven, and puts walnuts in his mouth and makes noises. What is not funny is to call us names, and what is mostly not funny is how sad you are, and I'd feel sorry for you if it wasn't for how dull you are. And those are the worst-tasting potato chips that I've ever tasted. And that's my opinion from the blue, blue sky.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.