Air Raid Wardens (1943) - Quotes

Taglines: Daffies Of Defense... Making the Home Front Safe for Hysterics!

Taglines: Their gayest film glorifies our home front heroes.

Taglines: THEY'RE IN A PERMENANT DIMOUT... and you'll be in hysterics!

Oliver: [the German spies head for their upstairs office, knocking on door] Who's there?

Rittenhause: [in a disguised voice] It's Dan.

Oliver: We're rescued, give me the key.

Stanley: I gave it to you...

Oliver: [sees the Germans and gasps] Oh did you? I don't remember you giving me the key. I'm sure that you're - Just a minute, Dan, be right with you. I tell you, you did not give me the - Oh.

Rittenhause: So sorry, gentlemen. We leave for the plant immediately. Heydrich, you take care of our friends here.

Heydrich: When?

Rittenhause: At your pleasure, of course. Come.

Oliver: Well, good-bye.

Heydrich: Freeze.

Stanley: What do we do?

Oliver: We've got to stop those spies, we'll warn Dan.

Stanley: That's a good idea.

Oliver: No no no no no, out the window.

Stanley: [Stan opens the window, accidentally kicking the ladder to the ground] Aah, ooh, aah, ooh!

Oliver: [Ollie pulls Stan back in the window] Now how are we going to get word to Dan?

Stanley: Let's call him up, we'll tell him right away we're going to...

Oliver: Put that down, that's a radio.

Stanley: What's this for?

Oliver: [Ollie writes a note while sitting at the desk; reads from letter; puts letter in pigeon's delivery tube; points to portrait of Hitler on the wall; to Stan] A carrier pigeon, lock that door. Get that pigeon. Listen. "Dear Dan, we are trapped on the second floor of the Moonbeam Inn on Highway 51. The place is a nest of Nazi spies; they're going to blow up the magnesium plant at 5:00. Bring help at once, we mean it, urgent. With fondest regards, yours truly, Laurel and Hardy, ex-air raid wardens." How's that? Now, there. You've got to get up early in the morning to fool us. Throw it out the window.

Stanley: Does it know where to go?

Oliver: Now pigeon, you go straight to Huxton,

Stanley: Yeah, and find Mr. Madison, he's the editor of the paper.

Dan Madison: Boys, I hate to do this; but, I'll have to ask you to turn in your equipment.

Oliver: Now, Mr. Madison, surely you don't believe we were drunk last night?

Dan Madison: I'm sorry. The decision has been made. It's for the good of the service.

Stanley: You mean, they're better without us?

J.P. Norton: You men have caused nothing but trouble. First, you wrecked the gymnasium. Then you wrecked me. And now, drunk.

Stanley: Well, you know best. When we couldn't get in the Army or the Navy, Mr. Madison told us that we could do this kind of work and - it made us happy. We tried hard. But, I guess we're not smart like other people. But, if we can do something for our country, by not doing this work, we'll do that too. We'll do anything that Uncle Sam wants us to do. Won't we Ollie?

J.P. Norton: With those men, we can never achieve perfection.

Dan Madison: Oh, yes we can. We're getting better all the time. We won't make the same mistakes twice.

J.P. Norton: I hope not.

Dan Madison: Look, Mr. Norton, why are you doing this work?

J.P. Norton: Why? Why? To serve my country.

Dan Madison: Well, that's their idea too.

J.P. Norton: Madison, you've got to get rid of those misfits!

Dan Madison: I just talked to them, Mr. Norton. They're awfully broken up about this. I'm sure it was an accident.

J.P. Norton: They are both accidents!

Dan Madison: Look, fellas, Uncle Sam wants everybody. There's plenty to be done right here in the home front. Why, I have a job for you. Here, take some of these posters.

Stanley: Where?

Dan Madison: Everywhere! We're having a big meeting tonight in the high school gym.

Oliver: What for?

Dan Madison: The war effort!

Oliver: That's right! There's a job to be done - right here at home!

J.P. Norton: I volunteered to be a victim. I certainly never thought I'd fall in the hands of those idiots! I'd rather fight Japs - bare handed.

Narrator: [sarcastically] Good morning, Mr. Norton. And a good morning to you, Mrs. Norton! They're a very happy couple. J.P. worships the ground her grandfather discovered oil on.

Narrator: Everybody likes Peggy. On the other hand, there's J.P. Norton, President of the bank. He'd lend you money on most anything, except his wife. Why should he be left holding the bag?