15 quotes
Future Weapon Confusion Among Friends
Ron Burgundy
Brick, what the hell is that?
Brick Tamland
It's a gun...from the future.
Wesley Jackson
No fair, he has a gun from the future!
Ron Burgundy
Where did you get it from?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Questioning Identity and Abilities
Ron Burgundy
I'm not trying to be funny, but are you sure he's not a midget with a learning disability?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Ron Burgundy's Memorable Exclamation
Ron Burgundy
By the hymen of ]!
[[w:Olivia Newton-John|Olivia Newton-John]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Mispronunciation of San Diego Explained
Ron Burgundy
It's pronounced Sawn Dee-Ayy-Go.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Child's Discomfort with Tooth Fairy's Appearance
Ron Burgundy
The Tooth Fairy's exposed breast made the child uncomfortable.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confronting Mistakes in San Diego
Wes Mantooth
You made one mistake today. You messed with somebody from San Diego.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
News Crew Engages in Comedic Banter
BBC Anchor
Wait! Here's a headline for you: "Moronic Yank Wanker-man Gets a Bloody Good Hiding From Newsreader From a Superior Country." For we are the ] News Service!
[[w:BBC|BBC; BBC news team shouts]
Ron Burgundy
Oh, not now!
Jack Lime
Fall back, fall back.
[To his news team]
Wesley Jackson
If y'all gonna get down, then Wesley Jackson and the ] news crew want in!
[[w:MTV|MTV]
Brian Fantana
What's "MTV"?
Ron Burgundy
I think it's a venereal disease.
Wesley Jackson
The most requested video of the day: A new band called "Burgundy sucking chest wound"!
[MTV news team shouts]
Jill Jansen
It wouldn't be a battle without Jill Jansen...
Wendy Van Peel
And Wendy Van Peel, from Entertainment News.
BBC Anchor
Entertainment News is an abomination!
Wendy Van Peel
Who are you wearing today? Oh, look, it's your own blood!
Jill Jansen
Today's celebrity birthdays: None. Today's celebrity deaths: All you dick-licks!
Brian Fantana
I like how they're put together.
Champ Kind
I like fighting girls.
Jill Jansen
I like to cunt-punt cowboys.
Wendy Van Peel
You eat pussy?
Jill Jansen
You're gonna.
Scott Riles
HEEEEYYY! There's not gonna be any fight without Scott Riles and the incredibly polite Canadian News Team.
[Canada News Team shouts]
Quebec News Anchor
What about the French-speaking Quebec News? The real voice of Canada!
Scott Riles
Give it a rest, eh?
Champ Kind
Give me a break! They can't have news. Nothing happens in Canada!
Scott Riles
We're gonna mop the floor with ya! We're gonna put the boots to ya! Sorry.
Quebec News Anchor
Sorry. We're gonna gouge yer eyes out, and kick yer head in!
Scott Riles and Quebec News Anchor
Sorry!
Brick Tamland
...I like ]!
[[w:Canada Dry|your ginger ale]
Jeff Bullington
Jeff Bullington, ], all sports. Tonight's Play of the Day is me, extracting your spine from your dead body!
[[w:ESPN|ESPN]
Brian Fantana
Holy shit, there's a lot of news!
Ron Burgundy
It's true, the market has become saturated.
History Network Host
Hey! The History Network wants in on this. We're news too! Only news told much, much later!
[History Network team shouts]
Ron Burgundy
Wait a minute, is that the ghost of ] with you?
[[w:Stonewall Jackson|Stonewall Jackson]
History Network Host
Yes, it is. And the mighty ]!
[[w:Minotaur|minotaur]
Jack Lime
Eh, I don't know about this, man. The minotaur isn't even history. It's mythology!
Ron Burgundy
Hey, let's not downplay the fact that that's the ghost of Stonewall Jackson!
Ghost of Stonewall Jackson
May the Lord anoint this hallowed field of battle.
Mack Tannen
You guys got room in this battle for an old war horse?
Ron Burgundy
Mack Tannen? What are you doing here, you're too old for this!
Mack Tannen
Well, you see, there's the thing: When there's an early moon, I almost feel like a stallion again!
Champ Kind
He's on our side, right Ron?
Ron Burgundy
He's a were-hyena!
Wesley Jackson
I'm gonna call ], I got a ]!
[[w:Michael Jackson|Michael Jackson; [w:Michael Jackson's Thriller|video idea]
Ron Burgundy
Alright, everyone, listen up! By virtue of being on this battlefield, there is no return! People will die!
Jill Jansen
I'm so horny right now.
[Quietly]
Ron Burgundy
Some will be disfigured! In some cases, lasting friendships will be made! And as usual: No touching of the hair and face!
Scott Riles
C'mon! What do we look like, rookies?
Scott Riles and Quebec News anchor
Sorry.
Ron Burgundy
When El Trousias, Maiden of the Clouds, blows the battle horn, let the battle begin!
El Trousias
I am El Trousias! Hear my sirens song!
[Blows her horn]
Jeff Bullington
El Trousias...the juiciest, hmm!
El Trousias
...That means you can start.
[Finishes blowing her horn]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Bats Referred to as Chicken of the Cave
Champ Kind
They call bats, "Chicken of the cave.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Celebrating the Greatness of a City
Wes Mantooth
The greatest city in the history of the Earth.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Ron Burgundy's Ignorance of NBA Players
Ron Burgundy
Who the hell is ]? You know I don't follow the NBA!
[[Julius Caesar]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Foot Rub from Andre the Giant
Ron Burgundy
Andre the Giant gave a surprising nimble foot rub.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Astrological Appeal in Unlikely Comparisons
Ron Burgundy
If you've got an ass like the North Star, wise men are gonna want to follow it.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Loneliness Drives Unusual Companionship Choices
Ron Burgundy
I'm so lonely, I paid a hobo to spoon with me.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Uncertainty in Predicting Jelly Bean Quantities
Brick Tamland
I can always guess how many jelly beans are in a jelly bean jar, even if I'm wrong.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Beliefs on Chicken and the Census
Champ Kind
I believe in two things: Chicken, and that the census is a way for the UN to make your children gay.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.