April Fool's Day Quotes

Nikki My name is Mary O'Reilly O'Toole O'Shea. Somewhere out there is the island my friend Muffy owns. It's spring break and she's invited us over there for the weekend and we're waiting for the ferry now to take us there, and... I don't know what else to say.

Chaz Why don't you tell us something about yourself?

Nikki Oh, all right, something about myself. Um, I wanna work with handicapped children, and my parents are my best friends. Oh, and I start convent school next semester... and I fuck on the first date. April Fool's!

Arch You're telling me! When I was out there swinging in the woods, I nearly crapped my pants.

Ferryman What do you mean "nearly"?

Chaz Arch? You browned your trou?

Arch Well, uh... you know, I was...

Constable Potter It's all right, Arch, they'll be out of the dryer soon.

Chaz Boy Muffy, you really know how to make a guy look forward to... dessert.

Arch Please God, let it be Ding-Dongs!

Taglines Guess who's going to be the life of the party!

Harvey I know you think I'm a hick, but I'd like to change your mind about that if you'd give me a chance.

Nikki Why?

Harvey Because I would really like to plow your field.

Harvey Y'know what I find amazin'? Muffy's her real name. I mean, my name's Harvey but they call me Hal, so I figure Muffy must stand for something... Muffin?

Nikki Muff-child, Moffo, the Muffster, Muffin stuff...

Harvey Muff dive.

Chaz Respectable young Quaker couple returning from a quiet afternoon of nonviolent sex.

Kit Muffy hasn't been in an institution for three years, she's been at Vassar!

Clara Have a nice party.

Muffy Nice? It's gotta be better than nice. It's gotta be bloody unforgettable.

Chaz Hey guy, your fly is open and your Hostess Twinkie is hanging out.