Arsenic and Old Lace (1944) - Quotes

Teddy Brewster: I must be catching cold.

Mortimer: Yeah, yeah, I know that bromide. Something borrowed, something blue - old, new! Rice and old shoes, carry you over the threshold, Niagara Falls — all the silly tripe I've made fun of for years. Is this what I've come to? I can't go through with it. I won't marry you and that's that!

Elaine: [adoring] Yes, Mortimer.

Mortimer: What do you mean, "Yes, Mortimer"? Aren't you insulted? Aren't you going to cry? Aren't you going to make a scene?

Elaine: [adoring] No, Mortimer.

Mortimer: And don't "No, Mortimer" me either! Don't... Don't you see, marriage is a superstition, it... It's old-fashioned, it's... I... Ohhhh...

Elaine: But Mortimer, you're going to love me for my mind, too.

Mortimer: One thing at a time!

Dr. Einstein: At least people in plays act like they've got sense.

Mortimer: Oh, you think so? Did you ever see anybody in a play act like they got any intelligence?

Dr. Einstein: [agonizing] How can anybody be so stupid!

Teddy: I shall be in my office vetoing some bills.

Teddy: (when told that his "term of office" is over) Is this March the 4th? (Mortimer: Practically.)

Teddy: CHAAARGE!!!

Jonathan Brewster: [[Boris Karloff] Who do I look like, ]?

Jonathan Brewster: The home of my youth... As a child, I wanted to escape it. Now, I want to escape back into it.

Jonathan Brewster: This time, I want the face of an absolute non-entity!

Jonathan Brewster: [to Mortimer] If you tell O'Hara what's in the window seat, I'll tell him what's in the cellar. There's an elderly gentleman down there who seems to be very dead.

Jonathan Brewster: [repeated line] Go to bed, Aunt Abby!

Jonathan Brewster: We better not leave the car parked in the street; it might be against the law.

Elaine Harper: We were married today. We were going over Niagara Falls in a barrel. Your brother tries to kill me. A taxi is waiting and now you want to sleep on a window seat. You can take the honeymoon, your wedding ring, your taxi, your window seat, and put em in a barrel and push em all over Niagara Falls!

Mortimer Brewster: [last lines] No, no. I'm not a Brewster. I'm the son of a sea-cook! Ha! Ha!

Mortimer Brewster: [watching the fighting, lighting up a cigarette; watching the police trying to bring down Jonathan with a shoe; Jonathan collapses] I got the papers signed — papers are all signed, what do I care? Go ahead — fight, fight. Oh, don't do that. It never works. What do you know? it worked!

Mortimer Brewster: Certainly there are thirteen bodies in the cellar and there are hundreds more in the attic!

Mortimer Brewster: [Meeting with Dr. Gilchrist in the cemetery] Pull up a tombstone!

Mortimer Brewster: [trying to make Jonathan leave] Now, here's ten dollars. Why don't you be a good sport and go out and haunt yourself a hotel?

Mortimer Brewster: All I did was cross the bridge and I was in Brooklyn. Amazing.

Mortimer Brewster: [on the telephone; throws down the phone in disgust] Yes, operator, I'd like the Happy Dale Sanatorium, Happy Dale, New York. Come on, operator, what's taking so long? They're just across the river. I could swim it faster! No, I don't want the Happy Dale Laundry. I want the Happy Dale Sanatorium. Sanatorium, sanatorium, sanatorium. Yes, yes, like a broken record. Hello — what? They're busy? Busy? Look, they're busy and you're dizzy. No, I am not drunk, madam, but you've given me an idea.

Mortimer Brewster: [singing] There is a Happy Dale, far, far away...

Mortimer Brewster: [explaining to Elaine why they shouldn't be married] You wouldn't want to have children with three heads, would you? I mean, you wouldn't want to set up housekeeping in a padded cell. Oh, it would be bad.

Mortimer Brewster: [to Jonathan, who has some resemblance Frankenstein's monster] Where did you get that face? Hollywood?

Mortimer Brewster: [on telephone; Hangs up] Hello... Operator? Can you hear my voice? You can? Are you sure? Well, then I must be here.

Mortimer Brewster: Even the cat's in on it!

Mortimer Brewster: [to his aunts] This is developing into a very bad habit! I don't know if I can explain it to you. It's not only against the law, it's wrong!

Mortimer Brewster: [to Dr. Einstein] Stop underplaying, I can't hear you!

Mortimer Brewster: [to elderly guest] You... Get out of here! D'ya wanna be poisoned? D'ya wanna be murdered? D'ya wanna be killed?

Mortimer Brewster: When I come back, I expect to find you gone. Wait for me!

Mortimer Brewster: Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.