31 quotes
Dr. Evil's Submarine Lair Introduction
Dr. Evil
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my submarine lair. It's long, hard and full of seamen! Nothing? Not even a titter? Tough sub...
[nobody laughs]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstandings in a Playful Exchange
Foxxy
Are you a clone of an angel?" Ohhh how sweet. No, my mini-man, I'm not. "Are you sure you don't have a little clone in you?" Yes, I'm sure. "Would you like to?
[reads; Mini-Me hands her another note; Mini-Me hands het the last note]
Austin
That is so not funny.
[but stops and sees Foxxy's reaction]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Goldmember's Final Request Before Arrest
Foxxy
Goldmember. You're under arrest, sugar.
[he stands up]
Goldmember (John Travolta)
Hey, assholes! Do I have time for a last smoke and a pancake or what? I am from Holland! Isn't that weird?!
[bites off the skin; the camera pulls out to reveal a movie theater. Austin, Foxxy, Dr. Evil, and Mini-Me were in the audience while enjoying their film; showing off some groovy dance moves]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Cultural Exchange in a Comedic Scene
Mr. Roboto
Watashi wa Roboto Industries no shachōdesu. Watashinonamaeha Mr. Robotodesu.
[I am president of Roboto Industries. My name is Mr. Roboto.]
Austin
Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto. I thank you.
[Thank you, Mr. Roboto; in English; to the audience]
Foxxy
Kyūna go renraku nimokakawarazu go raiten itadaki arigatōgozaimashita.
[Thank you for seeing us on such short notice.]
Austin
You speak Japanese?
[surprised]
Foxxy
A little.
Austin
Well, you might be a cunning linguist. but I'm a master debater. I'm looking for my father. He was kidnapped.
[both laugh, then he turns to Mr. Roboto]
Mr. Roboto
Shītake o tabete kudasai.
[holds out a mushroom to Austin; Please eat some shit.]
Austin
Please eat" what?!
Foxxy
Wait. He said: "Please eat some shiitake mushrooms".
[removes the white cups revealing rest of subtitle]
Austin
Tell me, what do you know about my father's where...about...s?
Mr. Roboto
Hmm... Anata no ninmu wa fukōna monodesu.
[walks up to his bookcase; Your ass is happy.]
Austin
Your ass is happy"?
Foxxy
No. He said: "Your assignment is an unhappy one".
[pulls down a bookcase cover, revealing the rest of the subtitle]
Austin
Oh!
Mr. Roboto
Nezumi no mondai ga shinkokudesu.
[to a Japanese woman in white; I have a huge rod.]
Austin
Nice potty-mouth, dirt bag!
Mr. Roboto
Nezumi no mondai ga shinkokudesu.
[moves away from woman, revealing ''I have a huge rodent problem''.]
Austin
Oh.
Mr. Roboto
Sukoshi hanashi ga soremasuga, zan'nen'na kotodesu.
[A little off the topic but unfortunate nonetheless.]
Austin
Yes. Quite off-topic, thank you very much.
Mr. Roboto
Why don't I just-a speak in English?
Austin
That would be a good idea, now, wouldn't it? That way, I wouldn't misread the subtitles, making it look like you're saying things that are dirty.
[long pause, looks at the camera and winks]
Mr. Roboto
I'm sorry to hear about your father, but I can't help you. Please excuse me, I have another appointment.
Austin
By the way, Kyodaina roddo o mottemasu...hoshīdesu. Mr. Roboto is lying to us.
[standing in the doorway; I have a huge rod...I wish.; closes the door, whispers quietly to Foxxy]
Foxxy
Tell me somethin I don't know.
[sarcastically]
Austin
I open-mouth kissed a horse once.
Foxxy
Say what?
Austin
That's something you don't know.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Perceptions of Sanity and Insanity
Austin
You know, Dr. Evil, most people think you were crazy.
Dr. Evil
I know.
Austin
Now I can see you're nuts. I thank you.
[to the camera; smiles]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Infiltration of Dr. Evil's Organization Confirmed
Foxxy
Basil, what's happenin', baby?
Basil
A lot is happening, Foxxy. Dr. Evil has escaped! The good news is that one of our agents has managed to infiltrate Dr. Evil's organization.
Austin
Excellent, Basil. We've been trying for years to get a mole into Dr. Evil's lair; we now have that mole.
Basil
: Yes! Ah, and here he is.
Austin
So you're the... mo-o-ole, mo-o-o-le...
[zooms up on the mole's mole]
Foxxy
Mo-ost, most...most excellent agent we've ever seen.
Austin
Yes, most...excellent...agent...we've...ever seen.
Foxxy
Mm-hmmm.
Austin
Thank you.
[quietly to Foxxy]
Number Three
Thank you. Now, I wasn't able to get an exact location, but I did learn that Dr. Evil has moved to a new lair outside of Tokyo, Japan. By the way, I realize that I have a large mole on my face.
[awkward pause]
Austin
Where? What? Where's that mole? I...didn't see one.
[laughs nervously]
Number Three
I also realize the irony that I am myself...a mole.
Austin
No one would make that connection.
[nervously; he and Foxxy look at each other]
Basil
Anyway, well done, old chap. Jolly good work.
[to Number Three]
Austin
Yes, nice to mole you - meet you! Nice to meet your mole. Don't say "mole".
Foxxy
Stop it.
Austin
I said "mole".
Foxxy
Stop!
Number Three
Bye.
Austin
Mole. Mo-ole... Mole!
[Basil and Number Three approach the elevator; Basil holds up his finger]
Basil
OH, SHUT UP!
[irritated; leaves]
Austin
Moley, moley, moley, moley, moley!
[tries to hold it in, but cannot]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Humorous Take on Age and Relationships
Taglines
What do you call a swinger old enough to be your father? Daddy!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Chaos Unleashed in a Dark Situation
Frau Farbassina
LOWER THE GLOBE!!!!
Dr. Evil
Ow! Ow!
Goldmember
Scheiße!
Dr. Evil
Well, congratulations, numb-nuts! You've succeeded in turning me into a frickin Jack-in-the-Box! Get it off, get it off! It's dark, it's dark! Okay, I'm okay. Release the meteor!
[now stuck; Number 2 pulls the globe off his head; Goldmember chuckles]
Frau Frabassina
RELEASE THE METEOR!!!!
Dr. Evil
Ohh! Oh! Ohh, no way!
[falls over]
Goldmember
Right in the kinicke.
Dr. Evil
God damn it! Oh! Guys! Way to go, a-hole! Alright, hold on while I try and find my balls, for God's sakes. 1, 2, and 3. Okay, I'm okay.
[to Mini-me who shrugs afterwards; whispers; normally; sits back down in his moving chair]
Goldmember
Dr. Evil, we have the ultimate inshurance polishy. May I preshent to you, the very shexual, the very toit, Austin Power's fahza!
Dr. Evil
His what?
Number 2
His fazha, Dr. Evil.
Dr. Evil
His farjer? What's a farjer?
[Number 2 nods]
Goldmember
His fazha, ya know the fazha.
Dr. Evil
Yeah, Goldmember, I don't speak freaky-deaky Dutch. Okay, perv-boy?
Goldmember
Fazha, his dad. Dad is fazha.
Dr. Evil
Oh, his dad. Oh! His father.
[realizes]
Goldmember
Yes, I have a Dutch accent. Isn't that weird?
Dr. Evil
Father, Father. Ah, Nigel Powers.
Nigel
Hello, hello. Ha-ha-ha.
[enters with the guards; slaps Frau on her rear]
Dr. Evil
Bring him to me.
Nigel
Easy-peasy, lemon squeezy. Oh, put the guns down. Is-is this the first day on the job or something? Look, this is how it goes, you attack me, one at a time, and I knock you out with a single punch. Okay? Go. Judo chop!
[the two guards listen; karate chops on 2 guards]
Dr. Evil
Oh, he's good.
Nigel
Do you know who I am? Have you any idea how many anonymous henchmen I've killed over the years? And look at you, you haven't even got a name tag. You got no chance. Why don't you just fall down? Go on, son. All right, Dr. Evil, give yourself up while you still got a chance. Okay, okay, you got me.
[to third guard; the third guard nods; the third guard nods again; the third guard complies; handgun chambers behind Nigel]
Dr. Evil
Nigel Powers, I'd like you to meet Mini-me.
Nigel
Oh, blimey! I thought I smelled cabbage.
[looks down at Mini-me]
Dr. Evil
Take him away!
Goldmember
Uh-uh, Dr. Evil, can I paint his yoo-hoo gold? It's kind of my thing, ya know?
Dr. Evil
How bout NO, you crazy Dutch bastard?!
[piloting his chair over to Goldmember, and swivels it to look at him]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Goldmember's Diabolical Plan Faces Resistance
Goldmember
Not so fast, shmarty-pants! Dr. Evil, you might not want to destroy the world, but I doooo! Preparation H goes ahead as planned. I'm going to flood the Earth!
[laughs]
Foxxy
Think again, Goldmember!
[points her gun at Goldmember]
Goldmember
Ahh! Foxxy Cleopatra! It's a shame I had to kill your partner. Too bad for you-hoo!
Foxxy
Too bad for me? How bout too bad for you?
[holds the key in her hand]
Goldmember
Oh, no! (Foxxy drops the key into the shark tank)
[in terror]
Goldmember
No-ho-ho! No-ho-ho-ho! (composes himself) Luckily, I keep a shpare. Look, every-vone! My vinky was a key!
[panics; turns around and removes his genitals, turns around, and reveals another key]
Nigel
Only a bloody Dutchman.
[in contempt]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Scott's Determination to Confront Austin Powers
Scott
I'm gonna get you, Austin Powers!
[laughs evilly, now bald like Dr. Evil, then doing the disco dance]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Crowded Chaos in Dr. Evil's Lair
Dr. Evil
Alright, it's getting crowded in here. Everyone out! Everyone out, come on! Not you, Scottie. Not you, Number Two. Not you, Frau. Not you, Goldmember. Not you guys back there. Not you, henchman holding wrench. Not you, henchman arbitrarily turning knobs, making it seem like you're doing something. Oooh, this is uncomfortable.
[Scott moves to get up; Number Two moves to get up; Frau moves to get up; Goldmember moves to get up; camera cuts to various henchmen around the sub; awkward silence, as everyone turns to look as Mini-Me]
Goldmember
Haha, the tiny one can't take a hint! He doesn't understand he is shmall, haha.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Cultural Intolerance and Humor in Conflict
Austin
You're insane, Goldmember.
Goldmember
And that's the way, uh huh, uh huh, I like it. KC and the Sunshine Band.
[mutters]
Nigel
All right Goldmember. Don't play the laughing boy. There's only two things I hate in this world: people who are intolerant of other people's cultures and the Dutch.
Goldmember
What? Take the fahza away! Dutch hater. And now, it is time to say goodbye. Dr. Evil's orders. Which, for you, is Bad News Bears. Walter Matthau.
[insulted; the girls grab Nigel; mutters]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Cultural Differences in Humorous Conversations
Austin
What's wrong with your neck?
Nigel
I took a Viagra and it got stuck in my throat. I've had a stiff neck for hours.
Austin and Nigel
Ah, thank you!
Austin
Listen, dad, if you are gonna talk about naughty things in front of these American girls then at least speak English English.
Nigel
All right, my son: I could've had it away with this cracking Julie, my old China.
[looks back at the girls; Subtitle: I was about to make love to this pretty girl.]
Austin
Are you telling pork-pies and a bag of trout? Because if you are feeling quigly, why not just have a J. Arthur?
[Is this true? If you were aroused, why didn't you pleasure yourself?]
Nigel
What, billy no mates?
[What, alone?]
Austin
Too right, youth.
[Indeed.]
Nigel
Don't you remember the crimbo din-din we had with the grotty Scots bint?
[Remember Christmas dinner with the Scottish girl?]
Austin
Oh, the one that was all sixes and sevens!
[The insane one?]
Nigel
Yeah, yeah, she was the trouble and strife of the Morris dancer what lived up the apples and pears!
[She was the wife of the dancer who lived upstairs.]
Austin
She was the barrister what become a bobby in a lorry and...
[A lawyer who became a policeman in a truck; inaudiably; ????????...]
Austin and Nigel
-St. Regis tea kettle!
Nigel
And then, and then-
Austin and Nigel
She shat on a turtle! Good times, good times.
[laugh]
Goldmember
Welcome to noonteen sheventy five, Austin Powers and Fahza!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Negotiating Terms for Goldmember's Location
Austin
How can I find this Goldmember?
Dr. Evil
Quid pro quo, Mr. Powers.
Austin
Yes. Squid pro row.
Dr. Evil
I give you Goldmember, you give me a transfer to a regular prison, so that I can be with my beloved Mini-Me.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Gilded Secrets and Madman Psychology
Basil
Austin, these men were assigned to guard your father. Okay, chaps. Chins up, trousers down. I think we may have found a clue.
[to the sailors; to Austin]
Austin
Cor blimey! All your privates have had their privates painted gold! How bizarre! Imagine, gilded tally-whackers, golden wedding tackle, 14-karat trouser snakes.
Basil
That's enough.
Austin
Okay. Basil, there's only one person in the world who truly understands the psychology of a madman.
Austin and Basil
Dr. Evil.
[look at the camera]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Dr. Evil's Tractor Beam Naming Debate
Dr. Evil
Our early attempts at a tractor beam went through several preparations. Preparations A through G were a complete failure. But now, ladies and gentlemen, we finally have a working tractor beam, which we shall call...Preparation H. What?
[Scott snickers]
Scott Evil
Why don't you just call it operation ass-cream, you ass.
Dr. Evil
I'm sorry, did you want some ice cream?
Scott Evil
Yes, I'd love some chocolate ass-cream.
Dr. Evil
Perhaps later.
[Somewhat confused]
Number 2
Dr. Evil, I love your plan.
Dr. Evil
Yeah, eh?
Frau Farbissina
Ja, Doktor. It's a really good plan.
Dr. Evil
Yes Frau, on the whole I think Preparation H feels good. What is it now?
[Scott laughs]
Scott Evil
No, nothing, I agree. Preparation H does feel good...on the hole.
Dr. Evil
Well, I’m glad we're sprechen Sie the same lingitty, ja. Ladies and gentlemen, using my time machine I shall travel back to 1975, pick up Goldmember and bring him back to the future. And the best part of this plan is...no one can stop me. Not even...Austin Powers.
[laughs evilly]
Austin Powers
Not so fast. You're surrounded, Doctor Evil.
[arrives with a gun; the police aim their guns at Dr. Evil and Mini-Me]
Dr. Evil
Shit.
[defeated once again]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Struggles of a Sumo Wrestler
Fat Bastard
Well to be honest with you, I've been trying to go legit. I really take my sumo wrestling seriously, you know. But when you're an overweight child, in a society that demands perfection, your sense of right and wrong, fair and unfair, will always be tragically skewed.
[beat; farts]
Austin
Did you just soil yourself?!
Fat Bastard
Maybe. It did sound a little wet, there didn't it? Right at the end! Oooh! Heh heh heh. Let's have a smell, all right? Hmmm, wafting, wafting. Oh, everyone likes their own brand, don't they? Oh, this is magic! Alright, analysis. Ooh, smells like carrots in throw-up! Oh that could gag a maggot! I smell like hot sick ass in a dead carcass! Ooh, even stink would say that stinks! You know when you go into an apartment building and you smell the other people's cooking on each floor and you go "What are they cookin'?" That, plus crap!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Humorous Exchange About Feelings and Attraction
Austin
You really are a Fat Bastard!
[gets off the basket, feeling disgusted with dirty sumo diapers, accidentally reveals himself]
Fat Bastard
You know, that hurts my feelings. I tried going on a diet. "The Zone", you know, "carbs are the enemy, and... Hey, who's your friend? Oh, I'd like to have a go with that filly. Do you find me sexy? Oh look at my titties!
[mumbles; notices Foxxy; rubs his breasts erotically; moans]
Foxxy
Shut yo mouth!
[snarky]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unusual Food and Smoking Combinations
Goldmember
Would you like a shmoke und a pancake?
Austin
...What?
Goldmember
A shmoke und a pancake. You know, a flapjack und a shigarette? No? Shigar und a waffle? No? Pipe und a crepe? No? Bong und a blintz?
[Austin shakes head; Austin shakes head again; again]
Austin and Nigel
No.
Goldmember
Well, then there ish no pleashing you.
Austin
That's not right.
[quietly]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Weight Loss Transformation Celebration
Fat Bastard
Hey Powers!
[now skinny]
Austin
Fat Bastard? But you're not fat anymore.
Fat Bastard
I went on the Subway diet. Y'know, just like Jared. I've lost 180 pounds.
Austin
Congratulations, baby.
Fat Bastard
Thank you. I do have a little bit of excess skin, though. Bit of a problem here, you know. And unfortunately, my neck does look like a vagina.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Convoy Communication Between Goldmember and Dr. Evil
Goldmember
Breaker-breaker one-niner, this is Goldie Wang. Over.
Dr. Evil
Ten-four there, Goldie Wang. This is Rubber Duckie. What's your ten-twenty? Over.
Goldmember
I've got Preparation H in my rear and Shmokey the Bear on my back pocket. We got us a convoy. Over.
Dr. Evil
Yee-haw! Copy that, you son of a bitch, pile of monkey nuts.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Dr. Evil's Request for the World Organization
Dr. Evil
Get me the World Organization!
Colonel
What is it, Dr. Evil?
[sounding fed up]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Flirtation and Humor in Austin Powers Scene
Austin (Tom Cruise)
Yeah Baby!
[takes off his glasses]
Dixie (Gwyneth Paltrow)
Hi I'm Dixie, Dixie Normous. I may just be a small town FBI agent slash single mother, but I'm still tough, and sexy.
[walks up to him; "Gwyneth Paltrow as Dixie Normous" appears]
Austin (Cruise)
Well, Miss Normous, shall we shag now, or shag later?
Dixie (Paltrow)
Oh, Austin, Behave!
Dr. Evil (Kevin Spacey)
Hey, Powers! You better watch your friggin self because this is one doctor who does make house-calls. Right, mini-me?
[they look at him; "Kevin Spacey as Dr. Evil" appears]
Mini-me (Danny Devito)
Hey, assholes! I'm right over here! I'm Mini-me! Come and get me!
[flipping the bird while smoking a cigar; "Danny DeVito as Mini-Me" appears; fires an automatic assault rifle in the air]
Steven Spielberg
So Austin, what did you think of the opening credits?
Austin
Well, I can't believe Sir Steven Spielberg, the grooviest filmmaker in the history of cinema is making a mooovie about my life. Very shagadelic, baby. Yeah! Having said that, I do have some thoughts.
[laughs]
Steven Spielberg
Really? My friend here thinks it's fine the way it is.
[holds up an Oscar]
Austin
Well, no offense, Sir Stevie... ...but you've gotta have mojo baby. Yeah! Hit it!
[holds up the word 'mojo'; blows the word into colorful dust]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Disgusting Culinary Choice
Goldmember
Oh yesh. Yesh yesh yesh yesh. This is a keeper.
[picking a piece of skin off his back]
Dr. Evil
Alright, you're not going to put that skin in your mouth, are you? You did. Okay, that's just gross.
[Goldmember eats a piece of skin; disgusted]
Goldmember
Yesh, shalty. Yesh, that was good.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Copyright Confusion Amidst a Monster Threat
Japanese Man 1
Run! It's Godzilla!
Japanese Man 2
It only looks like Godzilla, but due to International Copyright Laws, it's not.
Man 1
Still, we should run like it is Godzilla!
Man 2
Though it isn't.
[looking at the camera, breaking the fourth wall]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A New Breed of Evil
Taglines
A New Breed of Evil.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Curiosity About Proportions and Humor
Nigel
So, little fella, I'm curious. Is everything in proportion? You know, your bobby dangler, giggle stick, your general-two-colonels, master of ceremonies...Yeah, don't be shy, let's have a look. My lord! You're a tripod. What you been feeding that thing, eh? It looks like a baby's arm holding an apple. Good thing is, if you ever get tired, you can use it as a kickstand!
[to Mini-Me; Mini-Me nods unsure; Mini-Me unzips his pants]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Evil Surrounded by Incompetence
Taglines
He's still evil... He's still deadly... and he's still surrounded by frickin idiots!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Young Dr. Evil's Ambition and Reactions
Young Dr. Evil
Hey everybody, I'm #1!
[checking the class rankings]
Young Number 2
Hello. I'm Number 2.
Young Dr. Evil
Pleased to meet you, Number 2. But now, I'm finally going to be this year’s international man of mystery!
[laughs evilly]
Boy
Shut your gob!
[off screen; throws a cupcake at Dr. Evil]
Young Dr. Evil
Ow! Who throws a cupcake? Honestly.
[the students laugh]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Switching Sides in Austin Powers' Adventure
Number Three
Mini-Me has...switched sides.
Austin
Oh! Oh! Sorry about that, old chap. Welcome aboard. My mole-stake.
[realizes; looks at Mini-Me; waves; Mini-Me shrugs; looks back at Number Three; covers his mouth]
Number Three
What? Look, just get it out of your system.
[Austin shakes head; sighs]
Austin
No, I'm fine.
Number Three
I insist. We can work better if you just-
Austin
MOLE! Bloody mole! We're not supposed to talk about the bloody mole, but there's a bloody mole winking me in the face! I'm gonna chop it off, cut it up, and make some guaca-moley!
[losing it; calming down]
Number Three
Better?
Austin
Yeah.
[takes plant branch and pokes Number Three's mole with it]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Satellite Crisis and Unexpected Humor
Johnson
Sir, Dr. Evil's not bluffing. One of our satellites is falling out of orbit.
Colonel
Which one?
Johnson
It's the one that looks like a pair of-
Woman
Melons! Big juicy melons!
[holds two melons in front of her]
Man
Are they nice and firm?
Woman
Well, what do you think?
Man
Look at that! It looks like a set of giant-
[points to the sky]
2nd "T" Man
Hey! A and N, you're late!
A" Man
How we doin’, man?!
All 6 men
Yeah! GO, TITANS!! Yeah!
A" Man
Check it out! Those remind me of-
Ozzy
Boobs!
Sharon
Boobs, Ozzy?
Ozzy
These filmmakers are just ing boobs!
[bleep]
Kelly
What do you mean, Dad?
Ozzy
Well, they're usin the same ing joke they did in the ].
[bleep; [Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me|last Austin Powers movie]
Sharon
What ing joke?
[bleep]
Jack
You know, the ing joke about the long, smooth rocket that looks like some guy's-
[bleep]
Colonel
Johnson?
Johnson
Yes, sir?
Colonel
Any sign of that satellite?
Johnson
No, sir. It's gone.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.