Complex Playoff Scenarios in BASEketball Explained
Dan Patrick:
With the first nine months of the Baseketball postseason out of the way, the playoff picture is starting to emerge.
Kenny Mayne:
So, with last night's victory over Boston, next week the Milwaukee Beers must beat Indianapolis in order to advance to Charlotte. That's in an effort to reduce their magic number to three.
Dan Patrick:
Right, and then the Beers can advance to the National Eastern Division North to play Tampa.
Kenny Mayne:
So, if the Beers beat Detroit and Denver beats Atlanta in the American Southwestern Division East Northern, then Milwaukee goes to the Denslow Cup, unless Baltimore can upset Buffalo and Charlotte ties Toronto, then Oakland would play LA and Pittsburgh in a blind choice round robin. And if no clear winner emerges from all of this, a two-man sack race will be held on consecutive Sundays until a champion can be crowned.
Dan Patrick:
Right,
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Disagreement Between Friends in BASEketball
Joe Cooper:
I'm not gonna do it, dude, end of story!
Doug Remer:
Dude!
Joe Cooper:
Dude!
Doug Remer:
Dude!
Joe Cooper:
Dude!
Doug Remer:
DUDE!
Doug Remer: [Calmly]
Dude.
Joe Cooper:
...I guess you have a point.
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Unexpected Enthusiasm in BASEketball Scene
Bob Costas:
You're excited? Feel these nipples!
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Team Relocation and Profit Motives in Sports
Narrator:
Soon it was commonplace for entire teams to change cities in search of greater profits. The Minneapolis Lakers moved to Los Angeles where there are no lakes. The Oilers moved to Tennessee where there is no oil. The Jazz moved to Salt Lake City where they don't allow music. The Oakland Raiders moved to Los Angeles, and then back to Oakland. Nobody in L.A. seemed to notice.
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Network Lineup Announcement in BASEketball Scene
Bob Costas:
And joining us in the booth this evening, big fan of BASEketball, Tony Nocholino, who plays, as you know, Latino cut-up "Scooter" on the new hit comedy series "What's the Difference?" airing between "Recycled Junk" starring Lisa Campbell and "Same Old Crap" featuring teen heartthrob Mark Swenson, all part of the great fall lineup on our network's "Who gives a rat's ass?" Thursdays.
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Frustration with Superficial Lifestyles
Joe Cooper:
Go back to your fancy cars, and your big bank accounts, and your celebrity friends, and your beautiful women, and Victoria Silvestedt, Playmate of the Year... FUCK!
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BASEketball - Kenny "Squeak" Scolari
Kenny "Squeak" Scolari:
I swear, you guys rip on me thirteen or fourteen more times and I'm outta here!
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The Heart and Soul of BASEketball
Kenny "Squeak" Scolari: [Coop and Reemer are fighting]
Hey! Would you just stop it? Would you just hold on a minute? Look at you guys... fighting on the Malaka-Laka board! You should be ashamed of yourselves! Back in the driveway, we were nothing! Now we've risen to the highest level, but you're throwin it all away! If you've forgotten what BASEketball means to America, you have only to look at this board - the Malaka-Laka Balance Board of Trust. Don't you see what we have here? A game where guys with bad backs and bad knees can... get together and compete on the same field as guys that are all goosed up on steroids. But more than anything, isn't this game about gettin together with your friends and just havin a good time? I remember. I remember a long time ago, I didn't have anybody. You guys took me in. I guess that's why it kills me to see you like this. If we can't be friends... then the heart and soul are out of this game. Certainly out of me. I know I'll never get that back again. We have sullied the waters of the Lagoon of Peace! I'm begging you, for the love of our Caribbean brothers, dudes, stop this madness!
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Confrontation and Pressure in Competition
Doug Remer:
Listen to me, you little bitch! You either go out there and make that shot or I'm gonna shove your head so far up your fuckin ass, you'll have to wear yourself as a hat!
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Learning to Speak San Franciscan
Joe "Coop" Cooper: [[w:Australian accent|Australian accent]
(with poor ]) How to speak San Franciscan.
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Struggling with Self-Image and Weight
Joe "Coop" Cooper: [under his breath; normally; Grumsky stay focused; imitating [[w:Eric Cartman|Eric Cartman]
Subtle. Hey, Grumsky, you losin weight? Hey! You guys! Seriously, I'm fuckin fat! Seriously, guys, I'm fuckin fat as fuck! How'd I get so fuckin fat?!
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Expression of Regret and Frustration
Joe "Coop" Cooper: [[w: Steve Perry (musician)|Steve Perry]
]. Steve Perry! "Well I shoulda been go-one, after all!!!!!!!!!!!
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