Batman Forever (1995) - Quotes

Batman: Commissioner Gordon?

Dr. Chase Meridian: [appears] He's at home. I sent the signal.

Batman: What's wrong?

Dr. Chase Meridian: Last night at the bank I noticed something about Two-Face. His coin: it's his Achilles heel. It can be exploited.

Batman: I know. You called me here for this? The Bat-Signal is not a beeper.

Dr. Chase Meridian: Well I wish I could say that my interest in you was...purely professional.

Batman: You trying to get under my cape, doctor?

Dr. Chase Meridian: A girl can't live by psychoses alone.

Batman: It's the car, right? Chicks love the car.

Dr. Chase Meridian: [feels his suit, gasps] What is it about the wrong kind of man? In grade school it was boys with earrings. College; motorcycles, leather jackets. Now... Black...rubber.

Batman: [tries to leave] Try firemen, less to take off.

Dr. Chase Meridian: [blocking his way; putting her hands on Batman's cowl] I don't mind the work. Pity I can't see behind the mask.

Batman: [taking her hands away] We all wear masks.

Dr. Chase Meridian: My life's an open book. You read?

Batman: I don't blend in at a family picnic.

Dr. Chase Meridian: [opens her coat to reveal a negligee] Oh, we could give it a try. I'll bring the wine... you bring your scarred psyche.

Batman: Direct, don't you?

Dr. Chase Meridian: [[w:Catwoman|skin-tight vinyl and a whip] You like strong women. I've done my homework. Or do I need ]?

Batman: I haven't had that much luck with women.

Dr. Chase Meridian: Maybe you just haven't met the right woman.

Commissioner Gordon: I saw the signal, what's going on?

Batman: Nothing. False alarm.

Dr. Chase Meridian: Are you sure?

Batman: [sighs] Women.

Alfred Pennyworth: May I help you, Master Grayson?

Dick Grayson: How come this is the only locked door in this museum? What've you got back here?

Alfred Pennyworth: [Dick gives him a look] Master Wayne's dead wives. The silver closet. On your way.

Two-Face: [Riddler enters behind him and loudly drives his cane into the floor] Ladies, you spoil us! We're of two minds about what to eat first. What?!

The Riddler: I hope you made extra.

Two-Face: Who the hell are you?

The Riddler: Just a friend. But you can call me...the Riddler.

Two-Face: [grabs Riddler by the collar] We'll call you dead, is more like it! How did you find us here?! Talk!

The Riddler: [looks at Two-Face's disfigurement] But then if I talked, what would keep you from slaying me, O Segregated One? By the way, that's never gonna heal if you don't stop picking.

Two-Face: [puts a pistol to Riddler's head] Oh? Let's see if you bleed green!

The Riddler: [spice laughs mischievously; gasps; Two-Face feigns modesty; feigns whimpering; Two-Face chuckles; whispering] Harvey! I don't think it's me you really want to kill. That'd be too easy for someone as powerful as you...and you. But Batman... Now, there's a challenge! Kill the Bat! Sounds like a good idea! Just think of it, a few bullets hit home, a quick splash of blood, and then what? Wet hands...Post-homicidal depression. Why not humiliate him first, expose his frailties, and then when he's at his weakest...CRUSH HIM! I can see that...sparkle in your left eye. I can help you get Batman. That is, if you'll...spare my life for just a few moments.

Two-Face: [cocks his head in amusement and puts his gun away; puts Riddler down] Eh...

The Riddler: [normal voice. Walks further into lair; laughs; takes one of his boxes and puts it on the dark side of the room; gestures Spice over with a snarl, then takes a box to the light side; urges Sugar over with a whistle. Back to the dark side; speaking sinisterly; to the light side, speaking operatic] Thank you. I simply love what you've done with this place. Heavy Metal meets House and Garden. Splendid! It's so dark and gothic and disgustingly decadent ...yet so bright and chipper and conservative! It's so you... And yet so you! Very few people are both a summer and a winter, but...you pull it off quite nicely.

Two-Face: [shoots pistol at the ceiling, the bullet ricochets off-screen] What's your point, big boy?

The Riddler: [Two-Face puts his gun back to Riddler's head; shows brainwave gadget; activates it; camera shows Sugar and Spice being entranced to brainwave machine; sticks gadget on Two-Face's forehead; Two-Face feels full power of the machine; sticks gadget on his forehead] Has anybody ever told you you have a SERIOUS IMPULSE CONTROL PROBLEM?!?! This is the point. This is how I found you. Let me demonstrate. This is your brain on the Box! This is my brain on the Box! DOES ANYBODY ELSE FEEL LIKE A FRIED EGG?!?!

Two-Face: [reaches for the gadget, but Riddler pulls it away] I'll have a bit more, thank you.

The Riddler: [goes to Two-Face] Oh, there's more, but only the first one's free. Here's the bargain: you will help me steal production capital, so I can put a Box on every TV in town and become Gotham's cleverest carbon-based lifeform! And in return... ...is everybody paying attention? I will help you solve the greatest riddle of all. The mother of all riddles! Who is...Batman?

Two-Face: [holds up his coin] Hmm...You have broken into our hideout. You have violated the sanctity of our lair. For this we should crush your bones into powder. However, you do pose a very interesting proposition. Therefore, heads, we accept, and tails, we blow your damn head off!

Edward Nygma: Rise and shine, little guinea pig.

Fred Stickley: What are you doing, Nygma? Untie me!

Edward Nygma: This won't hurt. At least, I don't think it will.

Fred Stickley: What are you doing? Nygma, you touch that switch and...

Edward Nygma: [demonstrating his brain wave invention; laughs; parodying "[[w:Top Hat, White Tie and Tails|Top Hat, White Tie and Tails; dances to a techno music tune; lip noises; shuts off his machine and Stickley goes back to normal; gasping and laughing] Which one? this? Losing resolution. More power! "EDWARD NYGMA, COME ON DOWN! YOU'RE THE NEXT CONTESTANT ON BRAIN DRAIN!" Um, gee, ooh, uh, I'll take what's inside Thick Skull Number One! "What have we got for him, Johnny?" Stickley, I'm having a breakthrough! And a breakdown? MAYBE! Nevertheless, I'm smarter. I'm a genius! No, several geniuses! A gaggle! A swarm! A flock of freakin Freuds! Riddle me this, Fred! What is everything to someone, and nothing to everyone else? Your mind, baby! And now mines comes with the power of yours! ]"] I'm sucking up your IQ, vacuuming your cortex, feeding off your brain! FRED! What a rush!

Fred Stickley: What the hell just happened?

Edward Nygma: [kisses his invention's helmet as he puts it back on the mannequin head] A very surprising side effect! While you were mesmerized by my 3D TV...I utilized your neural energy to grow smarter.

Fred Stickley: [last words; Edward grabs the chair that Stickley is strapped to and drags it far to face the window] Bruce Wayne was right! You demented, bizarre, unethical toad! It is brain manipulation! I'm reporting you to the FCC, the Human Experimentation Board, the AMI, and the police! You are going up on charges, to court, to jail, and then to a mental institution for the rest of your twisted little life! But first and foremost, Nygma, you are fired! Do you hear me?! FIRED!

Edward Nygma: [ominously; pushes Stickley's chair forward, sending it crashing through the window. Stickley dangles over the edge, with only the helmet's power cord, attached to the power grid, keeping from falling; rushes forward and grabs him; takes off the helmet and lets Stickley fall to his death; a splash is heard; laughs evilly; goes back to his workstation and goes up to the security camera monitoring it, speaking into it; covers the camera with his hand] Oh...I don't think so. HANG ON! Fred...BABE!...You are fired, or should I say...terminated? SURF'S UP, BIG KAHUNA! Oooooh, nice form, but a little rough on the landing. He may have to settle for the bronze! Questions, Mr. Wayne?! My work raises too many questions?! Why hasn't anybody...put you in your place?

Edward Nygma: Okay Now I've got it! Ha! "Too many questions. There's too many questions. Too many..." I'll show you it works!

Fred Stickley: What the hell is going on here?! I told you this project is terminated! I'm calling security!

Edward Nygma: [knocks Stickley unconscious with a coffee pot] Caffeine will KILL YA!

Fred Stickley: Mr. Wayne.

Bruce Wayne: Hello, Fred.

Fred Stickley: Your inspections are a departmental highlight.

Edward Nygma: [CACKLING] Oh, my God, it's him. I am a winner. I am a winner. I am a winner. I am a winner.

Fred Stickley: Bioremediation. Alternative fuel. Mr. Wayne, look at that time. Perhaps we should get to R&D as soon as possible.

Bruce Wayne: Mister...

Edward Nygma: Ohhh... Bruce Wayne.

Bruce Wayne: No, that's my name. And you are?

Edward Nygma: Nygma. Edward. Edward Nygma. You hired me personally. Just like I tell everyone. We've never actually met, but your name was on the hiring slip. I have it.

Bruce Wayne: I'm gonna need that hand back, Ed.

Edward Nygma: Oh. Yes, of course. I'm sorry. It's just that... you're my idol.

Fred Stickley: Back to work, Edward.

Edward Nygma: And some people have been trying to keep us apart.

Fred Stickley: Back to work, Edward.

Bruce Wayne: It's okay. So, Mr. Nygma, what's on your mind?

Edward Nygma: [chuckles; rummages through his machinery] Precisely! What's on all our minds? Brainwaves! The future of Wayne Enterprises... is brainwaves.

Fred Stickley: [covertly] I'm gonna have to apologize, Mr. Wayne. I personally terminated his project this morning!

Bruce Wayne: It's okay.

Edward Nygma: [holds his prototype "Box" over his head melodramatically] I have it! Voilà! Huh? My invention beams any TV signal directly into the human brain. By stimulating neurons - manipulating brainwaves, if you will - this device makes the audience feel like they're inside the show! Why be brutalized by an uncaring world?

Bruce Wayne: [skeptical] Did you say "manipulating brainwaves"?

Edward Nygma: Well, uh... yes.

Bruce Wayne: Hmm.

Edward Nygma: But... someone like you would never need it. Someone so... intelligent, witty and charming.

Edward Nygma: I just need a bit of additional funding for human trials! Let me show you, please!

Bruce Wayne: Now, listen, Ed - I want a full set of technical schematics on this, okay?

Edward Nygma: [eagerly] I want you to know we'll be full partners in this, Bruce! Look at us! Two of a kind!

Bruce Wayne: [trying to leave] You call my assistant Margaret, she'll set something up--

Edward Nygma: [holding him back forcibly] Ahhh... that's not gonna be good for me. I need an answer now. I think I deserve it.

Bruce Wayne: [to his staff while leaving] I'm sorry, Ed, then the answer is no. Tampering with people's brainwaves, mind manipulation... it just raises too many questions. Sorry. Thanks, everybody, keep up the good work. Factory looks great.

Fred Stickley: [claps, following Bruce out; to Nygma, sharply] All right, everyone! Back to work! We'll discuss this later!

Edward Nygma: [quietly and sadly; in a darker, more angry tone] You were supposed to understand. I'll make you understand.

Bank Guard: Oh no! It's boiling acid!

Two-Face: For your entertainment, we bring you the very acid that made us what we are today!

Commissioner Gordon: [about Two-Face] Can we reason with him? He's holding innocent people hostage up there.

Dr. Chase Meridian: It won't do any good. He'll slaughter them without thinking twice.

Batman: Agreed. A trauma powerful enough to create an alternate personality leaves the victim...

Meridian: [interrupting] ...in a world where normal rules of right and wrong no longer apply.

Batman: Exactly.

Dr. Meridian: [off his look] Like you. Well, let's just say that I could write a hell of a paper on a grown man who dresses like a flying rodent.

Batman: Bats aren't rodents, Dr. Meridian.

Dr. Meridian: [more intrigued; Batman looks back up to the bank, Meridian does the same. As she looks up, Batman then walks away; turns and sees Batman is no longer there] Really? I did not know that. You are interesting...and call me Chase'. By the way, do you have a first name, or do we just call you "Bats"?

Batman: I read your work. Insightful. Naive, but insightful.

Dr. Chase Meridian: I'm flattered. Not every girl makes a superhero's night table.

Two-Face: You're counting on the winged avenger to deliver you from evil, aren't you, my friend?

Bank Guard: Are you gonna kill me?

Two-Face: Maybe, maybe not. You could say we're of two minds on the subject. Are you a gambling man? What say we flip for it?

Alfred Pennyworth: Can I persuade you to take a sandwich with you, sir?

Batman: I'll get drive-thru.

Newscaster: In local news, Edward Nygma's 3D Box has become the rage of Gotham. Rioting occurred last night at electronic stores which were sold out. There is hardly a home without the NygmaTech Box. Critics have claimed the Box turns Gothamites into zombies, but Edward Ngyma just shrugs: "That's what they said when TV was invented.

Alfred Pennyworth: [discussing Dick with Bruce] Young men with a mind for revenge need little encouragement. They need guidance. You, above all, should know the consequences of the life you choose.

Alfred Pennyworth: Broken wings mend in time. One day, Robin will fly again.

Dick Grayson/Robin: [kicks Two-Face; hits Two-Face again; punches Two-Face; headbutts Two-Face] That was for my mother! My father! My brother! And this is for me!

Edward Nygma/The Riddler: Now...the real game begins!

Edward Nygma/The Riddler: Your entrance was good; his was better. The difference? Showmanship!

Edward Nygma/The Riddler: [Two-Face is about to finish off Bruce Wayne] NO!! Don't kill him. If you kill him...he won't learn nothing.

Edward Nygma/The Riddler: Somebody tell the fat lady she's on in five!

Edward Nygma/The Riddler: Riddle me this. Riddle me that. Who's afraid of the big black bat?

Edward Nygma/The Riddler: [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/This%20Is%20Your%20Brain%20on%20Drugs DOES ANYBODY ELSE FEEL LIKE A FRIED EGG?!] This is your brain on the Box. This is my brain on the Box!

Edward Nygma/The Riddler: Has anybody ever told you you have a SERIOUS IMPULSE CONTROL PROBLEM?!?!

Edward Nygma/The Riddler: [laughs; Takes one of his boxes and puts it on the dark side of the room; Gestures Spice over with a snarl, then takes a box to the light side; Urges Sugar over with a whistle; Back to the dark side; speaking sinisterly''; to the light side, speaking operatic] I simply love what you've done with the place. Heavy Metal meets House and Garden. Beautiful! It's so dark and gothic and disgustingly decadent ... yet so bright and chipper and conservative! It's so you... And yet so you! Very few people are both a summer and a winter, but... you pull it off quite nicely.

Edward Nygma/The Riddler: [after knocking out Stickley with a kettle] Caffeine'll KILL YA!

Edward Nygma/The Riddler: [sees Bruce Wayne entering from cubicle; to himself] Oh my God, it's him! I am a winner. I am a winner. I am a winner. I am a winner. I am a winner.

Harvey Dent/Two-Face: [before falling to his death] Yes, of course you're right, Bruce. Emotions are always the enemy of true justice...thank you...you've always been a good friend.

Harvey Dent/Two-Face: [After Robin saves him so he can be imprisoned; pulls out a hidden gun and points it at Robin's face] Oh, good boy. Good boy. The Bat has taught you very well to be noble. Stupid, but noble.

Harvey Dent/Two-Face: WHY CAN'T YOU JUST DIE?!

Harvey Dent/Two-Face: The Bat's stubborn refusal to expire...IS DRIVING US INSANE!!

Harvey Dent/Two-Face: [After flipping his coin to decide whether to kill someone] Ah, fortune smiles. Another day of wine and roses, or in your case, beer and pizza!

Harvey Dent/Two-Face: One man is born a hero, his brother a coward. Babies starve, politicians grow fat. Holy men are martyred, and junkies grow legion. Why? Why why why why why why? Luck! Blind, stupid, simple, doo-dah, clueless luck!