Batman: The Killing Joke Quotes

Commissioner James Gordon Go after him. I want him brought in... and I want it done by the book! BY THE BOOK! You have to! We have to show him our way works!

The Joker God damn it... Well, what are you waiting for? Kick the hell out of me, and get your standing ovation! Come on!

Batman No. Not this time. I don't want to hurt you. I don't want either of us to end up killing the other. But we're running out of alternatives. Perhaps it all hinges on tonight. I don't know what it was that bent your life out of shape, but maybe, I've been there, too. Maybe we could work together. I could rehabilitate you. You don't need to be alone. We don't have to kill each other. Let me help you.

The Joker I'm sorry, but... no. No. It's far too late for that. You know, it's funny. This reminds me of a joke. See, there were two guys locked in a lunatic asylum and one night... one night, they decided they didn't like that anymore. They decided to escape. So, they made it up to the roof and there, just across this narrow gap, they see rooftops stretching across town, stretching to FREEDOM. Now, the first guy, he jumps right across, no problem. But his friend, oh-ho, no way, he's afraid of falling. So, the first guy, he has an idea. He says, "Hey! I got this flashlight with me. I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings and you can walk across the beam and join me." But the second guy says, "What do you think I am, crazy? You'll just turn it off when I'm halfway across!" Oh, excuse me...

The Joker Ladies and gentlemen, children of all ages, I give you... the average man!

Batman I've been thinking lately about you. You and me. About how this is going to end. About who will end up killing who. Perhaps you'll kill me, perhaps I'll kill you. Perhaps sooner, perhaps later. You know that, don't you? I just... I need to know, for when that time comes... that I've made a genuine attempt to talk things over. To try and avert the inevitable. Just once. Listen to me! This is life and death - mine or yours. Our relationship, it's fatal! And I don't want your murder on my--

The Joker I find the past such a worrying, anxious place. Yes, memory's so treacherous. One moment, you're lost in a carnival of delights: childhood aromas, the flashing neon of puberty, all that sentimental candyfloss. The next, it takes you somewhere you don't want to be. Somewhere dark and cold, filled with the damp, ambiguous shapes of things you'd rather forget. Memories can be vile, repulsive little brutes. Like children, no? But can we live without them? Memories are what our reason is based on. If we deny them, we deny reason itself! Although... what's wrong with that really? It's not like we're contractually tied down to rationality. There is no "sanity clause"! So whenever you find yourself locked onto an unpleasant train of thought, headed for places in your past where the screaming is unavoidable, remember this: there's always MADNESS You can just step outside and close the door on all those dreadful things that happened. You can lock them away... FOREVER.

Commissioner Gordon I hate this. Whenever we jail him, I pray, "Please, God, just keep him there." And then when he escapes, it's "Please don't let him do something too awful this time." I hate it!

Barbara Gordon Dad, just once, could you leave your work at the office and RELAX? I made you some cocoa.

Commissioner Gordon Thanks... but tonight, I could use something a little stiffer.

Barbara Gordon You know, I found that Catwoman scrapbook you couldn't. It was behind the wardrobe. You really ought to let me work out a flying system for you, something like we use at the library.

Commissioner Gordon Mm-hmm....

Barbara Gordon Oh, look, you've got paste squiging out. Don't get it on your pants.

Commissioner Gordon Barbara, I swear, you're fussier than your mother was.

Barbara Gordon That must be Colleen. She's early. We're gonna work out. You'll have to entertain her while I get ready.

Commissioner Gordon Heh, look at this one. The first time they met. He was just robbing banks then. You remember?

Barbara Gordon What I remember is you describing his white face and green hair. I was just a kid. Scared the hell out of me.

Commissioner Gordon I thought you'd be interested.

Barbara Gordon Yeah, well, I had some really interesting nightmares.

Commissioner Gordon Barbara!

The Joker I wouldn't worry yet if I were you. It's just a psychological manifestation common among librarians. She thinks she's a coffee table edition. Though I can't say much for this volume's condition; I mean, there's a hole in the jacket... and the spine appears to be damaged.

Commissioner Gordon You scum! I'll --

The Joker Will you? Refreshing to hear. Not by the book... Speaking of which, this one won't be walking off the shelf anytime soon. In fact, the idea of her walking anywhere seems remote. But then, that's always a problem with softbacks. Oh, God, literary discussions can get so dry, can't they? Finish the Commish, and take him where he needs to be. And please, do be careful - after all, he is topping the bill!

The Joker It really is a shame you'll miss your father's debut, Miss Gordon. Sadly, our venue wasn't built with the DISABLED in mind...

Barbara Gordon Why... are you... doing this?

The Joker To prove a point. Here's to crime.

Batman I spoke with Commissioner Gordon before I came in here. He told me he wanted this done by the book. You know what that means? It means that despite all your sick, cruel, vicious little games, he's as sane as he ever was. So ordinary people don't crack. Maybe... it's just you.

Batman I'm gonna count to 10. 1... 9...

Doctor She'll never walk again. I'm sorry.

Detective Harvey Bullock Some woman found Miss Gordon, name of Colleen Miles. She found the, uh... victim in a state of undress.

Batman Undress?

Detective Bullock They didn't tell you? Pretty sick, ain't it?

Batman Leave us alone for a moment. Barbara... I don't know if you can hear me.

Barbara Gordon Batman...? Batman... They took Dad. He... oh, God... I remember!

Batman Barbara, take it easy. It's okay.

Barbara Gordon No, no, it's not okay! He's taking it to the limit this time. Y-you didn't see his eyes. He said he wanted to... to prove a point! He said Dad was "top of the bill"! What's he gonna do? What's he gonna do to my father?!

Mitch I don't know where he is, I swear to God!

Batman Swear to ME!

Fat Lady Order in the court!

The Joker I'll have a ham on rye. It doesn't have to be good to be a classic.

The Joker Let me ask you something: What does it matter if you send me back to the Asylum if it doesn't matter to me? I've proven my point. Gordon's been driven mad. I've demonstrated there's no difference between me and everyone else. All it takes is one bad day. That's how far the world is from where I am, just one bad day. You had a bad day once, am I right? Oh, I know I am. I can tell. You had a bad day, and everything changed.

The Joker Dressing up like a flying rat doesn't hide it, it SCREAMS it! You had a bad day, and it drove you as crazy as everybody else, only you won't ADMIT it! You have to keep pretending that this makes sense, that there's some point to all this struggling! You make me wanna puke!

The Joker I mean, what IS it with you? What made you what you are? Girlfriend killed by the mob, maybe? Brother carved up by some mugger? Something like that, I know! Because something like that... happened to ME.

The Joker Sometimes I remember it one way, sometimes another. If I'm going to have a past, I prefer it to be multiple choice. My point is...

The Joker I went crazy. And I'm smart enough to admit it! Why can't you?! By clinging to reality, you're denying the reality of the situation! I mean, do you ever think about how many times we've come close to World War III over a flock of geese on a computer screen?! Silly goose, it's all a joke! Everything anybody's ever valued or struggled for... it's MONSTROUS! Why can't you see the funny side?! WHY AREN'T YOU LAUGHING?!

Batman Because I've heard it before... and it wasn't funny the first time.

Commissioner Gordon Please, tell me what I'm doing here! Somebody!

The Joker Doing? You're doing what any sane man in your appalling circumstances would do... you're going mad!