Batman: Under the Red Hood - Quotes

Alfred: Sir, in light of all the recent events, would like me to remove that?

Batman: [quietly, to himself] No. This doesn't change anything. It doesn't change anything at all.

Jason Todd: [smashes the closet door open to reveal Joker, bloodied and tied to a chair] Is that what you think this is about?! That you let me die?! I don't know what clouds your judgement worse, your guilt or your antiquated sense of morality. Bruce, I forgive you for not saving me. But why, why on God's Earth... ...is he still alive?!

Joker: Gotta give the boy points! He came all the way back from the dead to make this shindig happen! So, who's got a camera? Ooh, ooh! Get one of me and the kid first! Then you and me, then the three of us, and then one with the crowbar, then-

Jason Todd: [knocking the Joker down and holding a gun to his head] You'll be as quiet as possible, or I'll put one in your lap first.

Joker: Party pooper. No cake for you.

Jason Todd: [to Batman] Ignoring what he's done in the past - blindly, stupidly disregarding the entire graveyards he's filled, the thousands who have suffered, the friends he's crippled...! You know, I thought... I thought I'd be the last person you'd ever let him hurt. If it had been you that he beat to a bloody pulp, if he had taken you from this world, I would've done nothing but search the planet for this pathetic pile of evil, death-worshiping garbage... and send him off to hell!

Batman: You don't understand. I don't think you've ever understood.

Jason Todd: What? What, your moral code just won't allow for that? It's too hard to cross that line?

Batman: [glares at Joker] No! God Almighty, no. It'd be too damned easy. All I've ever wanted to do is kill him. A day doesn't go by when I don't think about subjecting him to every horrendous torture he's dealt out to others, and then... end him.

Joker: Awwww. So you do think about me.

Batman: But if I do that... if I allow myself to go down into that place... I'll never come back.

Jason Todd: Why? I'm not talking about killing Penguin or Scarecrow or Dent. I'm talking about him. Just him. And doing it because... because he took me away from you.

Batman: I can't. I'm sorry.

Joker: That is so sweet!

Jason: [throws Batman a second gun] Well, you won't have any choice.

Batman: I won't--

Jason: [smashes the chair the Joker is bound to and lifts him up; aims his gun at the Joker's head] This is what it's all been about. This! You and me and him! Now is the time you decide! If you won't kill this psychotic piece of filth, I will! If you want to stop me, you're going to have to kill me!

Batman: You know I won't--

Jason: I'm going to blow his deranged brains out! And if you want to stop it, you are going to have to shoot me, right in my face!

Joker: This is turning out even better than I'd hoped.

Jason: [aims at Batman] It's him or me! You have to decide! Decide, now! DO IT! HIM, OR ME! DECIDE!

Red Hood: [knocks Joker with a crowbar] Tell me, how does that feel?

Joker: [coughing painfully] You know, it only hurts when I laugh. But hey... I gotta know. Who are you? You said we knew one another. You do seem really familiar. We double at the prom? Or maybe blow up a school bus together?

Red Hood: No. I'm just something you helped make.

Joker: That's pretty cryptic... but interesting. Tell me more.

Red Hood: [continues beating Joker with the crowbar, hoping that it jogs Joker's memory] Sure. Listen up.

Joker: [singing; sadistically; pours gasoline into the trailer] I'm a little teapot, short and stout... Here is my handle, here is my spout...

Black Mask: [scared to death] This wasn't part of the damn deal, you freak! Get me outta here! Right now!

Joker: I thought you'd enjoy seeing some old faces. After all, most of these guys used to work for you.

Cop: Who's that? Get a light on him.

Commissioner Gordon: Up there!

Joker: [flicks the lighter] Heeeey, look at you! Mr. Hood! Or do you prefer Red? You know, I used to wear an outfit a lot like that. Mine was more flashy maitre d than motorcycle fetish. You kids today... I'm sorry, could you hold on? I was just in the middle of setting fire to your gang.

Red Hood: Go ahead. You think I care if that scum dies?

Joker: Don't know. I just wanted your attention.

Red Hood: You've always had my attention. But what I really wanted... was an audience with you.

Joker: [realizing something] I'm sorry, that seems to imply that you organized this little clambake.

Red Hood: I did. Sure, I had lots of plans, but the endgame was getting Black Mask so desperate that he'd cut a deal. He was the only one with the connections to get into Arkham... and get you out.

Black Mask: [to himself; as he listens to the exchange above, embarrassed] You can't. Trust. Anybody.

Joker: [deadpan] So I've been bamboozled. Oh, my.

Red Hood: I wouldn't undersell it. It took a lot of work to bring about our reunion.

Joker: [confused] Reunion"? Have we met before?

Red Hood: Yes. We have.

Joker: [finally ignites the lighter and tosses it into the trailer, setting it ablaze] Well, here's to warm memories.

Red Hood (Joker): God, please, no. Stay away. It's a setup. Wait! I’m not a crook, I swear! (As Batman is about to arrest Red Hood with handcuffs, the Red Hood struggles to remove his mask, but his cape gets caught under his foot, causing the railing behind him to break.) No! (Batman tries to save Red Hood, but Red Hood falls into the chemicals, with only some Joker playing cards that the Red Hood had with him floating back up).

Red Hood: [Batman angrily looks up to see Jason Todd red hood; Red Hood shoots the car and Batman and Red Hood escape] Hard to forget that night, huh? In a way, Batman, this was the site of your first great failure. Maybe your greatest, but certainiy not your last, right? Ah! Memories.

Black Mask: [trying not to get Joker riled up; Joker remains silent, munching on potato chips] I hope you understand the trouble I've gone through to arrange this little get-together here. A lot of money. A lot of dead meat. Look, I've got a problem. And you are absolutely the man who possesses the gifts to take care of this problem. I need you to murder the Red Hood. Think you can handle that?

Joker: [One of Black Mask's goons hands Joker a glass of water; Joker promptly breaks the glass and kills the goon with it. He takes the dead man's gun and shoots all but Black Mask and Ms. Li. He then points the gun at Black Mask, laughing] May I have some water? I'm going to need... something to wear. And a very big truck.

Black Mask: Sure. Anything else?

Joker: [pauses; laughs maniacally] I'll need some guys. Not these guys, because, well, they're kinda dead.

Batman: [about Jason] Do you remember how he was when I found him?

Alfred: Of course, sir. Fearless, arrogant, brash and gifted.

Batman: Yes. Different than Dick in so many ways, but still full of potential and power. But I knew, even from the beginning, he was dangerous. If I hadn't made him into Robin, he would have grown to do wrong. Then I got him killed. My partner. My soldier. My fault. I own that. I'll carry that like everything else. But now there's this. He's taken everything I've ever taught him and turned it on me. It's a hell of my own making, Alfred.

Alfred: Sir, this is not your doing. You loved him, he knows that. It should be enough.

Red Hood: Just be happy I only killed one of them. They're all assassins.

Batman: And what are you?

Red Hood: I'm cleaning up Gotham. More than you ever did.

Batman: You're stealing territory from Black Mask and killing anyone who gets in your way.

Red Hood: Black Mask is just a part of the plan.

Batman: Plan? You're becoming a crime lord.

Red Hood: Yes. You can't stop crime. That's what you never understood. I'm controlling it. You wanna rule them by fear. But what do you do with the ones who aren't afraid? I'm doing what you won't, I'm taking them out!

Batman: Tell me what happened to you. Let me help.

Red Hood: [beat] It's too late. You had your chance. And I'm just getting started.

Red Hood: Ah, you and your gadgets.

Batman: Aaahhh!!

Red Hood: You're not the only one with toys!

Red Hood: Crap.

Red Hood: What the hell took you so long?

Batman: Shut up and fight.

Black Mask: [anger rising; suddenly shouting] Maybe my last request was too mired in subtlety. I want this man dead. When I say "dead", I mean seriously dead! Beaten. Broken. His-head-mounted-on-my-wall kind of dead!

Ms. Li: Understood. We'll be taking further precautions at every transaction.

Black Mask: [bolts up] Screw that! Time he learns that this is a contact sport. We're going on offense. Rough up his business, something big, something loud. When he shows up to shut us down, have a party waiting for him. And when I say "party", I actually mean a whole lot of people who are gonna kill him!

Ms. Li: [completely deadpan] I figured.

Black Mask: Just being clear.

Batman: Alfred, take him home.

Nightwing: I can help.

Batman: You already have. Thank you.

Nightwing: [to Alfred] Alright, but you know where to find me if you need me. He did just... thank me, didn't he?

Alfred: Indeed he did, sir.

Nightwing: Weird.

Nightwing: [about the Red Hood] He's got some moves, huh? And as much I hate to belabor a point-

Alfred Pennyworth: And still that is often exactly what you do.

Nightwing: I'm chatty, it's part of my charm.

Joker: [to Batman; laughs] You look good. Been working out? You could probably use a little sun. Then again, who am I to talk?

Batman: [showing Joker a photo of the Red Hood] He's calling himself the Red Hood. What do you know about it?

Joker: That he has horrible taste. When I wore that number, it was classy — more flashy maitre d than motorcycle fetish. Oh, these kids today...

Nightwing: If you're behind this in any way, we will find out. You're not--

Joker: [maliciously; Angered, Batman slams him against the wall, grasping him by the throat; but Joker only smiles cruelly; Batman hesitates for a moment, and finally throws him to the ground; laughs maniacally] Oh, Bird Boy, you're so much less fun now. All grown up and in your big-boy pants. Still, better off than his replacement, right? Even tougher making with the yuks when you're worm food... You really gonna do it this time? Or are ya just gonna put me in another body cast for six months? So disappointing. But back to the matter at hand. This new Hoodie? Do you really think I would stir up so much trouble... and not make sure you knew it was me?

Nightwing: [Looks over to where Bruce was just sitting to see him gone, to his annoyance] But he's locked up, like a lot locked up. Maybe we should go for a visit. Could you just once say "Let's get in the car"? Is that so hard?

Bobo: Okay, crazy man, this is all very generous, but why the hell should we listen to you?

Tyler Bramford: [disgusted and frightened] Damn...

Red Hood: [fires his machine gun at the table, then disappears] Those are the heads of all of your lieutenants. That took me two hours. You wanna see what I get done in a whole evening? Make no mistake. I'm not asking you to cut in with me. I'm telling you.

Freddie: You wanna die?! There's easier ways to kill yourself!

Red Hood: Yeah, like yelling at the guy who's holding the AK-47.

The Joker: [Talking from afar] It's gonna be a sleepover, right?, I packed my toothbrush.

The Joker: [Batman, having refused to shoot either the Joker or Jason, has thrown a batarang into Jason's gun barrel, thus causing it to backfire and disarming Jason. Joker begins laughing maniacally; laughs; Jason presses a detonator that trigger a pile of explosives in the fire place. Batman spots them and rushes to disarm them.; grabs Batman from defusing the bomb; Begins laughing until Batman punches him out cold. Attempts to grab Jason and escape, but the detonator goes off. Batman fruitlessly searches for Jason but finds nothing.] I can't believe you got him! You expert, rootin'-tootin', eagle-eyed, Goth-loving marksman! I love it! You managed to find a way to win, and everybody still loses! NO! Don't spoil it! This is better! I'm the only one who's gonna to get what he wants tonight! Yes! Big bang boom! We all go out together! Don't you just love a happy ending?!

The Joker: [tossed to the floor in an apartment in Crime Alley, after being captured by Red Hood; Red Hood unzips his gym bag and pulls out a crowbar] So, what's the plan? Slumber party? Charades? A little Truth or Dare? Yes! I'll start with "dare"! Or maybe I'll just go with "truth"...

The Joker: [after finishing beating Robin; silence from Robin; [God|the big man; laughs hysterically] Okay, kiddo, I gotta go. It's been fun, though, right? Well, maybe a smidge more fun for me than you. I'm just guessing since you're being awful quiet. Anyway, be a good boy, finish your homework, and be in bed by nine. And, hey, please tell ] I said..."hello".

The Joker: [We see an Robin symbol and the camera reveals a wounded Robin as the Joker knocks him across the face with a crowbar; Hits him three more times; hits him again; hits him again; hits him again; hits him again, and laughs. Robin then mumbles something, and Joker leans in, imitating the noise; Robin spits in his face; Joker slams his head into the ground; Robin grins at him as Joker wipes the blood away; pause; Joker laughs as he continues beating Robin] Wow. That looked like it really hurt. Whoa, now, hang on. That looked like it hurt a lot more. So, let's try and clear this up, okay, pumpkin? What hurts more? A? Or B? Forehand? Or backhand? A little louder, lamb chop. I think you may have a collapsed lung. That always impedes the oratory. Now, that was rude! The first Boy Blunder had some manners. I suppose I'm going to have to teach you a lesson so you can better follow in his footsteps. Nah. I'm just gonna keep beating you with this crowbar.