31 quotes
Butt-head's Discovery of a Car Jack
Butt-head
*After discovering a car jack in the trunk of Muddy's car
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Almighty Bunghole Declaration
Beavis
I am Cornholio! — You will cooperate with my bunghole! — For there is but one bunghole: the almighty bunghole.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Critique of Monetary Value
Dallas Grimes
10 Grand. Oh, that Cheap-Ass.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Agent Bork Reports on Cornholio Disturbance
Agent Bork
Chief, this just came in. Two days ago, Express Airways had a disturbance by someone calling himself Cornholio. Guess who matches the description.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Braces Connection in Beavis and Butt-Head
Butt-head
Hey, baby. I noticed you have braces. I have braces, too.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Frustration Over Unfulfilled Expectations
Beavis
Damn it, this always happens. I think I'm gonna score, and then I never score. It's not fair. We've traveled, um, a hundred miles cause we thought we were gonna score. But now it's not gonna happen. Damn it!
Bus Driver
Hey, buddy, sit down.
Beavis
Shut up, ass-wipe! I'm sick and tired of this! We're never gonna score. It's just not gonna happen! We're just gonna get old like these people... but they've probably scored!
Bus Driver
Hey, I'm warnin you! SIT DOWN!
Beavis
It's, like, this chick's a slut. And look at this guy. He's old, but he's probably scored a million times!
[motioning to Martha]
Martha's Husband
Oh, yeah.
[nodding]
Beavis
But not us. We're never gonna score! We're never gonna score! We're never gonna score!
Bus Driver
ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT, NUMB-NUTS! ONCE MORE AND I'LL--UNH!
Beavis
KICK YOUR ASS!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Surprising Comment from Butt-head
Butt-head
*Directed at then-first daughter ]
[[w:Chelsea Clinton|Chelsea Clinton]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Threatening Intentions from Muddy Grimes
Muddy Grimes
I'm gonna blow you both to Hell, that's what I'm gonna do!
[about to kill Beavis and Butt-head when he realized he mistook them for hitmen after he found them in the desert]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Agent Flemming's Disdain for Beavis and Butt-Head
Agent Flemming
Well, look what we have here. You two make me sick. Book em, Bork.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Miscommunication Amidst Youthful Distraction
Van Driessen
You know, this could be a really positive experience for you guys. There's a wonderful and exciting world out there when we discover we don't need TV to entertain us.
Butt-head
Uh-huh huh huh! He said "anus"!
Beavis
Entert-ain us", "ainus". Oh yeah!
[laughs]
Van Driessen
Have you guys heard a word I've said?
[sighs in annoyance]
Butt-head
Uhh, yeah! Anus!
[laughs]
Beavis
Yeah! I heard it too!
[laughs]
Van Driessen
Look, guys, just take the TV back to the AV room right now. And try to be a little more open to life's experiences, okay?
Butt-head
What a dork.
Butt-head
That was cool. Huh huh huh.
[Beavis and Butt-head roll the TV out of the school, it falls down the stairs and breaks]
Beavis
No, it wasn't.
Butt-head
Uh, oh, yeah.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Beavis Comments on an Interesting Book
Beavis
Hey Butt-head, this book is pretty cool. There's a naked chick, a talking snake, and this dude wears a leaf over his schlong.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Television Discussion Among Friends
Marcie Anderson
They're here to look at the TV, Tom.
Tom Anderson
What? The TV ain't broken.
Beavis
Uh, yeah it is.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Desert Discontent: Beavis and Butt-Head's Frustration
Beavis
This sucks. It's all hot and stuff.
Butt-head
This desert is stupid. They need to put a drinking fountain out here.
Beavis
Yeah, yeah. Or, like a 7-Eleven or something.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Beavis Declares His Identity with Confidence
Beavis
Are you threatening me? — I am Cornholio!
[as his Cornholio persona]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Butt-head's Opinion on the Sun
Butt-head
The sun sucks.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Butt-head's Perspective on Life's Simplicity
Butt-head
*In reference to ]
[[w:Urinal#Automatic flush|automatic-flush urinals]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Authorities Seek Fugitives in Camper Incident
Tom Anderson
]. They are stopping anyone who might know the whereabouts of Beavis and Butt-head. Tom and Marcie pull up to the ATF agent] Somethin wrong, Officer?
[a roadblock has been set up by the [[w:Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives|ATF]
ATF Agent
Sir, we're looking for these two fugitives.
[holds up a picture of Beavis & Butt-head]
Tom Anderson
Well, I'll be danged. That's them two kids that have been whackin in my camper.
ATF Agent
You saw these two?
Tom Anderson
I sure did. Boy, I've never seen two kids do so much damned whackin'.
ATF Agent
Blue Den, this is post 9; I have positive ID.
[speaking on his walkie-talkie]
Tom Anderson
Boy, they're just like a couple of little old spider monkeys, I'll tell ya—.
ATF Agent
Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you and your wife to step out of the vehicle.
Tom Anderson
Well now, wait a minute. Me and the Mrs. here are on our way to Washington D.C., and–
ATF Agent
NOW!!
[points a gun at Tom Anderson]
Tom Anderson
Now, wait right there. You're dealin with a veteran of 2 foreign wars. They're the ones been whackin'. I find anything broken in there, you and I are gonna tangle.
[ATF agents are aggressively searching through Tom and Marcie's camper]
Agent Flemming
Masturbating in the man's camper. We're dealing with two sick individuals. I want that camper torn apart, full cavity searches all around. You can't do this!]
[Agent Hurly dons a glove; '''Tom Anderson''': ''[off-screen]
Tom Anderson
What in the hell--now wait just a minute!
[Being led away by ATF agents]
Agent Bork
Chief, this just came in. Two days ago, Express Airways had a disturbance by someone calling himself "Cornholio." Guess who matches the description?
[Bork shows a picture of Beavis in his Cornholio persona to Flemming]
Agent Flemming
Finally, a real break. Get me that flash point of origin. We're gonna kick some ass.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Reflections on a Life Lived Cool
Butt-head
Whoa, I think my life is, like, flashing in front of my eyes. Whoa. My life was cool.
[dying in the desert; shows Beavis and Butt-head from infancy to now, sitting on the couch, giggling and watching TV]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Butt-head's Enthusiasm for an Impressive Sight
Butt-head
This is the coolest thing I have ever seen.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Humorous Exchange Over a Match
Mötley Crüe Roadie #1 (Butt-head's Dad)
Hey, one of you bastards got a match?
Butt-head
Uh, yeah. My butt and your, uh, butt. Uh huh huh.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Beavis Declares Himself the Great Cornholio
Beavis
I am the great Cornholio. I need T.P. for my bunghole.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Martha Greets Travis and Bob Head
Martha
Yoohoo! Travis and Bob Head! Hello!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Excitement Over Fire in a Cool Moment
Mötley Crüe Roadie #1 (Butt-head's Dad)
Hey, you wanna see somethin really cool?
[sitting around a camp fire eating beans; farts over camp fire which creates a fiery mushroom cloud]
Beavis
FIRE!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Braces Connection Between Characters
Butt-head
Hey, baby. I noticed you have braces. I have braces too.
[knocks him out her bedroom window into the bushes below where FBI agents are waiting with guns drawn]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Butt-head's Request for a Gun
Butt-head
Whoa, cool. Hey, can I have a gun, too?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Humor in a Tense Confrontation
Muddy Grimes
Well, I'm gonna enjoy this. Any last words before I kill you?
Butt-head
I have a couple. Butt cheeks.
Beavis
Yeah, yeah. And, uh, and boobs. I just wanna say that again: boobs.
Muddy Grimes
I'm gonna blow ya both to hell, that's what I'm gonna do!
Butt-head
]. Whoa. Hey, Beavis, that's that dude who's paying us to do his wife.
[[w:Cool (aesthetic)|Cool]
Beavis
Yeah, yeah. Um, can you just take us to Washington? We're gonna meet her there and, y'know, um... heh heh. Y'know.
Muddy Grimes
Washington? That's where she's gonna meet up with ya? Y'know, I just might need you boys, after all. All right. Get in the trunk. Both of ya. NOW!!
Butt-head
Boy, it sure is hard to score.
Beavis
Yeah, really.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Las Vegas Ambitions and Misunderstandings
Martha
Oh, hello, there. Are you two headin for Las Vegas?
Beavis
Yeah. We're gonna score.
Martha
Oh, well, I hope to score big there, myself. I'm mostly gonna be doin the slots.
Beavis
Yeah, yeah. I'm hoping to do some sluts, too. Yeah. Do they have a lot of sluts in Las Vegas?
Martha
Oh, there are so many slots, you won't know where to begin.
Beavis
Whoa. Hey, Butt-head, this chick is pretty cool. She says there's gonna be tons of sluts in Las Vegas.
Butt-head
Cool.
Martha
It's so nice to meet young men who are so well-mannered.
Beavis
Yeah. I'm gonna have money and a big screen TV and there's gonna be sluts everywhere. It's gonna rule.
Martha
Well, that's nice.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Muddy Grimes' Menacing Threat
Muddy Grimes
Oh, I'm gonna enjoy this. Any last words before I kill you?
[about to kill Beavis and Butt-head when he realized he mistook them for hitmen after he found them in the desert]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Beavis Declares Himself the Great Cornholio
Beavis
I am the great Cornholio! — I'm a gringo! — I have no bunghole.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Miscommunication and Frustration Among Hotel Guests
Concierge
I'm sorry about that little misunderstanding, gentlemen. We didn't realize you were registered guests. If there's anything we can do to...
[leading Beavis and Butt-head into their room]
Beavis
Damn it. This thing is stuck.
[sees TV and remote attached to table, tries to lift it]
Concierge
Sir, it's attached to the...
Butt-head
You dumb-ass, let me try.
Beavis
Hey, check it out. That guy's still standing there.
[stops; Concierge holds out hand, expecting tip]
Butt-head
Uhh, could you, like, not stand there and stuff? Some people are dumb.
[as soon as concierge leaves]
Beavis
Yeah, really.
Butt-head
Uhh, check it out, Beavis. I wonder where this goes. Uh... Whoa. I think I hear a chick.
[notices the door to the adjoining room, which just happens to be Dallas']
Beavis
Really? Cool! Neat!
Dallas Grimes
Alright, who are you? CIA? FBI? ATF?
[Grabs Beavis and Butt-head and holds a gun on them]
Beavis
Hey Butt-head, it's her!
Butt-head
Whoa! Uh, huh huh. Hey baby are we like, gonna do it? Uh, huh, huh huh.
Dallas Grimes
You got two seconds!
[cocks the gun]
Butt-head
Uh, is that gonna be enough time?
Dallas Grimes
Who sent you?
[grabs him and pulls him up to her]
Butt-head
Uh, this drunk dude, he said he was gonna pay us to do you?
Beavis
Yeah, yeah, heh, heh, yeah!
[laughs]
Dallas Grimes
Muddy, son of a bitch! Hold it. What's he payin you?
[realizes who they're talking about]
Butt-head
Uh... 10, uh...
[Dallas mistakes Beavis and Butt-head for the hit men who are hunting her]
Dallas Grimes
10 grand? Oh, that cheap ass. All right, I've got a better deal for you. I'll double it. I'll pay you 20 if you go back there and do him.
[scoffs]
Butt-head
You want us to do a guy? No way.
Beavis
I don't know, Butt-head. That is a lot of money. Maybe if we close our eyes and pretend he's a chick.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Butt-head's Distinctive Observation on Masturbation
Butt-head
Hey, Beavis. Check it out. I'm jacking off.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.