Bedknobs and Broomsticks (1971) - Quotes

Charlie: I suppose that's it. We ain't gonna have no fun no more.

Mr. Browne: [after being transformed into a rabbit a second time] Does one's nose have to twitch like this?

Miss Price: [not looking up from the book] Oh, you're back, Mr. Browne.

Mr. Browne: Madam, a word about your tactics - I don't mind so much being turned into a hawk or a tiger, or something with a bit of dash to it, but always a fluffy, white rabbit? It's intolerable!

Paul: It's Mr. Browne, that who it is!

Miss Price: If you are Mr. Browne, would you kindly get down off my lap?

Colonel Heller: No, fraulein, this is not the invasion, just a little exercise, a minor raid to induce panic and to spread a little mischief. When you English get it through your head that the German forces can land at will whenever and wherever we please, perhaps you will consider a reasonable peace.

Charlie: Not bloody likely!

Paul: Go on, Miss Price. Do it to him.

Miss Price: [The colonel and a soldier read a map, ignoring Miss Price] I must say, it's very tempting. Colonel, how would you feel about being turned into a nice white rabbit? I said, how would you feel about being turned into a nice white rabbit?!

Colonel Heller: Be quiet, please!

Miss Price: Filigree, apogee, epigee...!

Charlie: Not again.

Carrie: Your memory, Miss Price.

Miss Price: Charles, would you kindly fetch me my notebook from the workroom, please?

Charlie: Right-o.

Colonel Heller: [The commotion stops; Gives an order in German and continues working] SILENCE!!! Fraulein, we have work to do. I am sorry, but I must send all of you someplace where you will no longer be a nuisance.

Miss Price: That's my nightgown!

Mr. Browne: Is it really, my dear?

Miss Price: Yes, and I'm not responsible for its behavior.

Mr. Browne: Obviously not, my dear.

Mr. Browne: Bookman, before your very eyes, I shall cause this bed and all the occupants on it to disappear!

Bookman: Disappear? I should like to see a cheap-jack, tenth-rate entertainer do a trick like that.

Bookman: [He and Miss Price exchange their halves of the book; Starts reading from Miss Price's half] I assume you're looking for the same thing I am. May I? This is quite a moment for both of us. "Substitutiary locomtion, the lost miracle of the ancients..." And so on, and so forth. Ah, here we are! "The spell which creates this force is five mystic words. These words are...

Miss Price: [reads from the Bookman's half] ...engraved on the star that was always worn by the sorcerer Astoroth.

Bookman: But where are the words of the spell? I assumed they'd be in your half of the manuscript.

Miss Price: But I thought they'd be in yours.

Bookman: [devastated] Once again, a dead end. I shall never know the secret.

Mr. Browne: Isn't that old Astoroth? And there's his star. It's a pity it's so small you can't read the writing.

Miss Price: But why the animals?

Bookman: Towards the end of his life, Astoroth kept animals in cages and searched for the spells that would make them more like humans. The legend is that finally the animals rebelled at the experiment, killed Astoroth, and stole many of his powers.

Miss Price: Including the star with the spell on it?

Bookman: Possibly. They found a ship, sailed away, and were never heard of again. However, there's a final notation in my half of the book saying that, in the 17th century, a shipwrecked lascar was taken from the sea, half-mad with thirst and exposure to the sun. Before he died, he swore he had seen an island ruled by animals.

Miss Price: Where?

Bookman: There is, I regret to say, no such island. I looked for it in every chart. The Isle of Naboombu does not exist.

Miss Price: [reading from the book she has found at last; She reads for a few moments in a whisper.; She pauses incredulously, and turns over the tattered leaves of the book.] Ah, here we are! "Substitutiary locomotion. The ancient art of..." "The spell which creates this force is five mystic words. These words are..." But the rest of the book is missing!

Mr. Browne: Now you see why I closed down the college.

Miss Price: But where are the other pages?

Mr. Browne: Haven't the foggiest.

Miss Price: Listen to me, Mr. Browne!

Mr. Browne: I'm all ears.

Miss Price: You will be if you don't pay attention. Where did you get this book?

Mr. Browne: Well, I bought it from a chap in the street market. There was a bit of unpleasantness, as a matter of fact. He claimed that I'd given him a dud coin, I ask you. There was a sort of scuffle, the book tore, he got one half, and I got the other.

Miss Price: But where's the other half now?

Mr. Browne: Oh, it's probably been thrown away, but if it still exists, there's only one place to find it.

Mr. Browne: What's your name?

Miss Price: [disinterestedly] Miss Price.

Mr. Browne: No, I mean your first name.

Miss Price: Eglantine.

Mr. Browne: [He pushes the ladder upon which Miss Price is standing along the rail, startling her.] Eglantine...Eglantine... Oh, how you shine!

Charlie: Why d'you keep the curtains closed?

Mr. Browne: So we can enjoy our cheese and wine in the gentle glow of candlelight.

Charlie: I bet it's so the coppers won't catch you hiding out here.

Miss Price: You must have given us the wrong address! You don't live here, do you?

Mr. Browne: In point of fact I do. Temporarily, at any rate. I found the front door open, the house was deserted! Everyone has left the neighborhood.

Miss Price: Why on earth would someone do a thing like that?

Mr. Browne: [gestures toward an unexploded bomb] I would say this may have something to do with it…

Miss Price: Merciful heavens! I should be terrified at the very idea of living here.

Mr. Browne: You would have thought so, wouldn't you? I am, by nature, a little bit of a coward—but then I pondered, as I often do: in the perverse nature of things, this diabolical object is probably the best friend I ever had. It has enabled me for the first time in my life to live like a king. Shall we go in?

Paul: Is this London?

Carrie: Course it is. Can't you smell that lovely sooty air?

King Leonidas: [''growls''; ''hits Secretary Bird on the head''] Stop jibbering. What's the matter with you?

Secretary Bird: [''blubbing''] Your Royal Star! They've stolen your royal star.

King Leonidas: [''laughs''; ''dangles a whistle in front of Secretary Bird, who blows on it, and when he sees the whistle, King Leonidas realizes and roars so loudly, that blows Secretary Bird's clothes off''] Don't be ridiculous. What do you think this is? WHYYYYYYYY DIDDDDDN'T YOUUUUUUUUUUUU SAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO?!!

Charlie: Don't they have no rules?

Paul: Of course they do. The king makes them up as they go.

Paul: I liked you better as a rabbit, Charlie

Charlie: Shut up, you!

Charlie: Poisoned dragon's liver?!

Miss Price: Poisoned dragon's liver.

Paul: Do you poison the dragon or just the liver?

Miss Price: It comes prepared. It's part of the school equipment.

Charlie: Hurt your foot, Miss Price?

Miss Price: Oh, just twisted my ankle.

Charlie: Sorry to hear that.

Miss Price: Thank you. It's nothing serious.

Charlie: Lovely weather for flying last night.

Miss Price: Why did you say that, Charles?

Charlie: [bringing out her broken broomstick] Game's up, Miss Price. We know what you are.

Miss Price: I see.

Charlie: Don't worry, Miss Price. No one's gonna peach on you.

Miss Price: The lunch is at six. You will wash, thoroughly—

Charlie: Wash?!

Miss Price: You will wash yourself thoroughly, otherwise do without lunch, is that clear?

Charlie: A house of horror, that's what we've come to.

Charlie: Who else lives here?

Miss Price: I live alone — it suits my purposes.

Carrie: Sorry Miss! The cat scared us!

Miss Price: It’s not exactly! It was you who scared him.

Carrie: What is your cat's name?

Miss Price: I don't like giving cats ridiculous names, I call it a cosmic thrill because that's the name it came with.

Captain Greer: Who is that?

General Teagler: [[w:Battle of Vimy Ridge|Vimy Ridge] Miss Price—splendid woman. Her late father served with me at ].

Captain Greer: [[w:Sulphur|sulphur] What's she burning in this thing?—It smells a bit like ].

General Teagler: Nonsense! One can't make a motor fuel out of sulphur!

Elderly Man: Couldn't say, sir—said on the wireless to paint out the signposts in case the Nazis drop in.

Captain Greer: I'm not a Nazi, I'm a British officer!

Elderly Man: That's what you say if you was a Nazi, isn't it sir?

Charlie: Wait! Wait! We can't leave the bed there!

Charlie: There'll be no more of this wash wash morning and night.

Mr. Browne: You didn't think I knew that spell?

Mr. Browne: It is not what things are; it is what they seem to be. Is that not so, Madam?

Mr. Browne: Observe the fundamental weakness of the criminal mind. You will believe no one or anything.

Mr. Browne: [An old man is playing dreary music on a piano which he is selling.] Oh, Grandpa, you don't expect to sell a piano like that, do you?

Mr. Browne: [Mr. Browne takes the Star of Astoroth.] I'll keep it. Women always lose things.

Miss Price: [after turning King Leonidas into a rabbit] Oh, bother. I do hate shoddy work.

Miss Price: [reading from Professor Browne's letter] Technically a witch is always a lady except when circumstances dictate otherwise.

Miss Price: Children and I don't get on.