Big Fat Liar (2002) - Quotes

Marty: Let go of the monkey.

Kaylee: I want to see a broken man, people. I mean broken as in, I hit a baseball through the window broken. Snap him like a twig! Squeeze him like a bug! I want you to turn him into mince meat, and I don't even know what mince meat is!! I want him to cry for his mommy! "WAH! WAH! Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!" Do you read me? Cos I don't think you read me!

Jason: I think they read you.

Kaylee: Fair enough.

Marty: Up y'r a––s, "Grandma"!

Grandma: Up yours, Blue Boy!

Jason: [[ear] How bout that phone call, Wolf? Should be easy, since your ear-piece is super-glued to your ]!

Marty: You did this?!

Jason: Call my Dad.

Marty: [[blue] I can't make it to the meeting, Monty; I'm ].

Monty: Oh, I'm sorry you're upset.

Marty: [[orange] No, I mean it… and I have ]…

Frank: Fur coat king of the Midwest, my butt! I got some R-rated dialogue for you, but I'm gonna keep it PG. I'm gonna keep it PG. You owe me $100 for yesterday's ride.

Kaylee: Well, maybe we--

Frank: You almost cost me my job.

Jason: Frank, I'm sorry. I can explain.

Frank: [imitates a car engine stalling] Azitatatatatata! Ya hear that?

Jason: I just--

Frank: Azitatatatatatata!

Kaylee: If we could--

Frank: I don't wanna hear it, okay?

Kaylee: I know, I just--

Frank: Azita, azitatatatata!

Jason: If you just--

Frank: Azita, azitatatatata!

Kaylee: I--

Frank: Azita!

Kaylee: I--

Frank: Azita! Azitatatatatatatata!

Jason: [[story] I'm sorry. It's just we came out here to get even with this guy Marty Wolf. Because he... he stole my ]...

Frank: Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Jason: And he's making it into this big movie.

Frank: Did you just say "Marty Wolf"?

Jason: Yeah, you know him?

Frank: Know him? I used to drive him. He fired me last year.

Kaylee: Why?

Frank: [shows a photo of himself] I'm an actor, see? Right? And I made the mistake of asking him if I could audition for one of his movies. He could've said "No" and not let me audition, right? But instead, he takes my headshot, writes "Loser" across my forehead, and then faxes it to every casting director in town.

Kaylee: You poor thing.

Frank: If you guys wanna mess with Wolf, I got your back.

Kaylee: Jas?

Jason: [on the phone] I'm at the beach! Hey, Frank; Mr. Stroog. Meet us at the theater gate in 20.

Kaylee: Hey. What's with the Cokes?

Jason: The machine! It's rigged! THEY'RE FREE, HAHAHA, THEY'RE FREE!!

Kaylee: [in mock-Texan accent] Marty Wolf Pictures?

Astrid Barker: Yes.

Kaylee: Astrid Barker?

Astrid Barker: Yes.

Kaylee: Ah'm sorry t say, yer car is parked onna dawg.

Astrid Barker: [[dog; Exit Astrid] My car… is parked on a ]?! .

Jaleel White: [on the set of Whitaker and Fowl, talking to his co-star, a chicken] Listen, Whitaker, I'm not your sister, I'm not your girlfriend, and I'm not your priest. So, if you wanna remain my partner, I got two words for you, shut the heck up! You talk way too much! OK, can we cut? Can we... cause this, this ain't workin for me at all. What are you doing? are you fumigating me or something?!

Marty: Move!

Producer: Moving.

Marty: Why did you call "Cut!"? I did not tell you to stop acting, Urkel!

Jaleel: Wolf, how many times have I told you? Stop callin me Urkel! My name is Jaleel White, okay? Urkel was a character I played when I was a child!

Marty: Okay, "Jaleel"! What's the problem, huh?

Jaleel: You want to know the problem? You wanna know the problem? I'm getting nothing from the chicken, that's the problem. He just sits there with his head all slumped over. I have absolutely no idea what my motivation is!

Marty: Okay, well you're a police officer named Fowl.

Jaleel: Mmm-hmmm.

Marty: Your new partner is a crime-fighting chicken named Whitaker. And your motivation is a nice fat pay check that's keeping you from working at the drive-thru window at McDonald's!

Jaleel: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa whoa! Watch yourself, Wolf, watch yourself!

Marty: No, you watch yourself, pal! You're just lucky I'm not making you wear the freaky glasses and suspenders.

Jason: Ms. Caldwell-- Can I call you Phyllis?

Phyllis: No.

Jason: Understood. But, as much as I wanted to write my paper, I mean I really really wanted to write my paper, I couldn't and it's because I spent all last night in Greenbury General Emergency room. See, my mom made Swedish meatballs for dinner. It's my dad's favorite and he was so excited he accidentally swallowed one whole. It was awful. He started choking, his face turned purple. The meatball was literally bulging out of his neck. We rushed to the ER. I kept trying to write my paper in the waiting room but it was too hard. I needed to be by my father's side. After all, he's the only dad I got.

Phyllis: [suspicious] You are lying through your teeth, you little demon.

Dusty: I told you, Wolf. The only way to make this picture is to have twelve different camera angles with birds flying around. Oh, and by the by, Confucius say, uh... KA-STANG! You're busted!

Franklin "Frank" Jackson: Who's the bad actor now, Wolf?! Those were real tears!

Franklin "Frank" Jackson: Know him?! I used to drive him. He fired me last year.

Franklin "Frank" Jackson: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Did you just say "Marty Wolf"?

Franklin "Frank" Jackson: I got some R-rated dialogue for you. But I'm a-keep it PG. I'm gonna keep it PG.

Marty Wolf: Hey, where do you think you're going? YOU CANNOT TURN YOUR BACKS ON ME! I'M MARTY WOLF!! All right, fine! FINE! YOU'RE ALL FIRED!!!

Marty Wolf: Big Fat Liar. B.F.L. "Biffle", as it’s come to be known.

Marty Wolf: Kid, if you do this, I'll tell them you wrote Big Fat Liar, Erin Brockovich, and Saving Private Ryan too.

Marty Wolf: It's showtime.

Marty Wolf: Let's punch a hole in the sky, Grandpa, Go, GO, GOOOOH!!! Let's get a tail wind behind this bird, old-timer.

Marty Wolf: I'm gonna GET YOU, SHEPHERD!!!

Marty Wolf: [After seeing in his mirror, his whole body is blue; screams in horror] OH, MY GO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-OD!!!!!!!!

Marty Wolf: [Picking up his stuffed monkey while dancing to "[[w:Hungry Like the Wolf|Hungry Like the Wolf; [w:Duran Duran|Duran Duran] ]" by ].] Let's dance, Funnybones!

Marty Wolf: You can take your personal day in a year or two when you're DEAD, you DINOSAUR!!

Marty Wolf: [[Hollywood] Grow up, Shepherd! This is ], baby. It's a dog-eat-dog town. Worse. We got cats eatin cats. We got fish munchin fish. We play by our own rules.

Marty Wolf: You can take it from me, the truth, it's overrated.

Kaylee: But you are a liar.

Jason Shepherd: The truth, it's not overrated.

Jason Shepherd: I think we can confirm here we're dealing with THE MEANEST MAN ALIVE!

Jason Shepherd: So you admit you stole my story.

Jason Shepherd: See it? I think I WROTE it.

Jason Shepherd: (screaming at the TV during an interview with Marty Wolf) Yeah, from my BACKPACK, YOU LOSER!!!